Onew is a Chicken

A Fangirl's Dream

*Onew’s POV*

I smiled as we stood in line at the chicken restaurant. I had chosen this place because, obviously, I love chicken, and I hoped that if I got stuck with Vanessa, maybe she hated chicken. Instead, I was here with Rebecca, who also loved chicken. We hadn’t really said much, but I could see from her face when we pulled up in front of KFC that she was excited.

(Gah, I need to show you guys this video! It was playing through my head while writing that whole first paragraph. I love it!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjaDdN42GlM).

“Why don’t you find us a place to sit,” I suggested. “I’ll order."

“All right, thanks,” she smiled and walked off to find us a nice table.

*Rebecca’s POV*

CHICKEN!!!!

How did he know that I love chicken? Maybe he loves chicken too?

I shrugged to myself and sat down at a two person table in the corner by the window. I hated being around a lot of people, so I picked the most secluded table out of them all.

I wonder what Minho’s doing right now. I swear if that tries anything on him…

“There you are!”

I looked up to see Onew with two buckets of chicken in his arms.

“Why did you pick a table so far away?” he asked as he sat down, placing one of the buckets in front of me, and the other in front of him.

“I’m not really a people person,” I answered.

“Oh, well that’s fine. I hate when people interrupt me while I’m eating chicken,” he replied, reaching into his bucket.

“I can’t believe you bought us each a whole bucket!” I said as I selected a piece of the juicy fried goodness.

“You can never have enough chicken,” he smiled at me as he chewed his chicken to bits.

Oh my gosh; he’s so cute when he eats! Ugh, okay Becca calm down. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than how cute this boy looks while eating chicken…

We carried on in casual conversation until we couldn’t eat anymore. Our buckets were almost empty; just a few stray pieces of chicken left in the bottoms.

“Wow, I didn't think anyone could love chicken more than me,” Onew exclaimed. “But now you’re giving me a run for my money!”

“Haha, I tell my friends that when I grow up and get married, I’m going to cook chicken for my husband every night!” I smiled cutely and took a sip of my lemonade.

“That’s what I tell my dongsaengs; except that I’d have my wife make chicken for me every night of course. We’d be the perfect couple…” his voice started to fade when he processed what he was saying.

I blushed at the awkward statement, which I knew he regretted saying as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Sorry, I-,”

“It’s okay,” I looked up at him, tucking a piece of my straightened hair behind my ear. I bit my bottom lip to hide the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I looked down at his hand resting on the table, then at mine sitting just inches away.

What is this feeling inside me?

All thoughts of Minho had completely vanished from my mind.

 Why is my hand begging to be held in his? Should I…

I wanted to move my hand into his, but I was too scared. That’s the story of my life though; being too scared to make a move, then letting the guy of my dreams slip away from me, unable to say a word.

*Onew’s POV*

I knew she was looking at our hands, and I knew what she was thinking; at least I thought I did.

Please. Please put your hand in mine. Just do it Rebecca! Wait; maybe that’s not what she’s thinking. Maybe she’s comparing how big my hands are compared to hers. They really aren’t that much bigger. Well, I suppose my fingers might be a little longer.

“Well, this was a fun first date,” she said, pulling her hands into her lap.

Somehow I always lost my chances with girls from over thinking. Why couldn’t I be impulsive like Minho or Key?

“Um, yeah; I’m glad you had fun,” I smiled back, standing up.

Always missing your chance. Onew; YOU are the chicken.

Maybe that’s why I liked chicken so much; because deep down inside, I was one.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~