Couple Sundaes

A Fangirl's Dream

*Carolyn’s POV*

“Ice creeeeam; we’re getting iceee creeeam,” Taemin sang as he pulled the car into a parking space outside the little ice cream shop. “With sprinkles and Reese’s and whipped cream… iceee creeeam!”

“Oh my gosh Taemin,” I laughed as I put my face in my hands in embarrassment.

“Ice cream is too good not to sing about!” he smiled energetically before stepping out of the vehicle.

He came around to help me with my crutches, even though I could’ve done it on my own. I knew things like this made the little maknae feel in control, which he loved, so I didn’t complain.

There was a line outside the ice cream window, so we had some time to kill while we waited.

“Should we get the same thing we had on our first date, or try something new?” Taemin asked as his eyes scanned over the menu posted on the wall.

“Hmmm, I’ll leave it up to you to decide this time,” I answered. Taemin always let me decide what we were having so I wanted to change things up a bit.

“Really? Well, I do love strawberry.”

My guess was because it reminded him of strawberry milk. Now if only they had banana ice cream here…

“How about a sundae with strawberry ice cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream?”

“If that’s what you want, it’s fine with me,” I smiled.

He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a gentle squeeze.

“Why don’t you go find us a picnic table? You must be getting tired with those crutches.”

“Alright; I kind of am getting a little tired.”

“I’ll be right there,” Taemin smiled.

I hobbled over to a lone table away from the others so that Taemin and I could have some privacy. After propping my leg up I took a deep breath in of the fresh, country air. I was going to like being in the country. I’d always grown up in the city, so I going back wasn’t something I looked forward to.

My eyes drifted over the scene around me. Two little children were playing tag while their parents sat talking at one of the tables, finishing their ice cream. At another table was a young couple who I assumed was recently just married. When I had hobbled by they’d been discussing something about having a baby.

I can’t believe someday that’ll be me. I’ll have a husband, children… I’ll be old!

The thought of being old made me cringe, but then I figured that as long as I’m old along with my husband, everything would be fine.

I then caught sight of Taemin walking over to me with a big smile on his face and the sundae in his hands.

Will Taemin be the one that I grow old with? I can’t even imagine… we’d have a wedding and children; half Asian children! Oh gosh, I love Asian children. But, can I see that happening? Can I see myself LIVING with him within the next few months?

“One towering sundae for two awesome people,” Taemin said as he set the sundae in the middle of the table and handed me a spoon.

“Thanks,” I smiled at him and took the utensil.

We dug into the sundae and I was surprised by how amazing it tasted!

“From now on this is our couple sundae, okay?”

“Okay,” Taemin agreed with a laugh. “By the way,” he went on, reaching across the table to take my free hand in his. “Have you thought over what I asked you, about moving to Seoul with me?”

“I’ve thought about it, but I still don’t know.”

His smile faded at my answer. He’d obviously been expecting me to say that I’d go with him, but I just couldn’t make that decision right now.

“Oh, okay,” he went back to the ice cream.

“Let’s not talk about this now, okay? Let’s talk about something fun!” I suggested. “What are your plans for SHINee when you go back? Any exciting things coming up?”

“Oh! Well we have lots of interviews about our stay here in America, and then we’re jumping right back into practicing for a new album we’re planning on releasing this next spring or summer. But shhh, it’s a secret,” he winked.

“Oh, that’s awesome! Speaking of your music I must look into it much more. I know your popular ones, but I want to hear all of them!”

“Well, I have a question for you,” he said, taking another bite of the pink sundae.

“Yes?” I asked, raising an eye brow.

“If you weren’t a major Shawol before meeting us, why did you enter the contest? I know the other girls weren’t really huge Shawols either, so I always wondered why you guys were still interested.’

“Well, for me it was because I was willing to try anything to get away from my home. But to be honest I really did like the songs that I knew by you, and I thought it would be cool to meet any K-pop stars,” I explained.

“Ahh, so you were just using us!” he accused playfully.

“No! No I wasn’t-,”

“I’m just kidding,” he laughed. “Well if we weren’t your favorite group, then who was?”

“Well I really like Super Junior and B1A4, but I think my favorite at the time was F.T. Island.”

“Oh, they’re very good! All those groups are great, so I guess I can forgive you for not being a Shawol.”

“Oh, you’re to kind,” I said in a joking voice and placed a hand on my heart. “How can I ever repay you?”

“Well…” he quickly got up and scurried over to my side of the table and sat down next to me. “A kiss?”

“Hmm, I guess I can manage that,” I smirked before planting my lips on his. “How was that?”

“Mmmm, I think you should try it again. Maybe slower this time and put your arms around my neck.”

I did as he said and giggled just before our lips came together in a long, sweet, strawberry flavored kiss.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~