It's War

A Fangirl's Dream

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“Jonghyun, stop!” I heard Rebecca and Onew both call after me, but I was too angry to listen.

That backstabbing dongsaeng! He’s supposed to love and respect his hyungs, and what does he do?! He goes and tries to steal our leader’s girlfriend! Worst of all he cheated on her! That irresponsible inconsiderate twerp! Onew won’t take care of this. He’s too soft hearted to stand up for himself. I guess it’s up to me to set Minho straight.

“Jonghyun, where are you going?” I heard Annie call as I walked past the kitchen where she was just finishing up washing dishes. Her voice softened my heart for a brief second, but I shrugged it off and proceeded to find my target.

I found Minho in the back yard trying to teach Taemin how to catch a football while Carolyn and Nicole talked off to the side in lounge chairs.

“Well you look happy,” Nicole joked as I walked by. I ignored her and heard her whisper, “Jeez, what’s his issue?” to Annie.

“Hyung, do you want to play too?” Taemin called to me playfully. However, his face dropped when he saw me. “Hyung?”

Minho finally turned to look at me. Just seeing his face sickened me. I clenched my fists to keep myself from exploding before I got to him.

“Jonghyun hyung, what’s wro-,”

Yeah, controlling my anger didn’t really work. Before he could finish his sentence he was on the ground with a newly formed cut on his jaw.

“What the *Asian swears* is your problem hyung?!” Minho shouted up at me, putting his hand up to his mouth to check for blood.

“What’s MY problem?! I think you mean what’s YOURS!” I shouted back as Minho pushed himself up off the ground.

“What are you talking about?!” he asked, the look on his face a combination of shock, confusion and disgust.

“You tried to steal Rebecca back from Onew. Our leader does so much for us, and that’s how you repay him?! And even worse: YOU CHEATED ON HER IN THE FIRST PLACE! I can’t even look at you right now. What happened to the Minho I used to know?!”

“Jonghyun stop!” I heard Onew shout. I could see Rebecca and him running toward us out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored them.

“I haven’t changed! I am me! Or maybe you’re just too blind because you’re always spending time with Key. There are more people in this group besides just the two of you!” Minho shouted, taking a swing at me and knocking me to the ground.

He went to kick me, but I grabbed his foot and pulled him onto the ground as well. From there I crawled on top of him and began pounding his face. Unfortunately Minho’s strength over took me and he flipped us over. Now it was his turn to treat my face like a punching bag.

“Stop!” “Guys you’re friends!” “Don’t hurt each other!” “Stop it!” cries came from the girls, Taemin, Onew and whoever else was watching by this time. We both ignored them, struggling and fighting against the others’ strength.

“You unthankful, self-consumed dirt bag!” I shouted, grabbing Minho by the shoulders as we rolled around in the dirt.

“You’re the self-absorbed one!” Minho yelled back.

“Seriously, STOP IT!!!!” I heard someone scream. From my place under Minho I saw Rebecca suddenly standing over us. She reached down and placed a hand on Minho’s shoulder to stop him, or pull him off of me. Honestly I didn't know what she thought she could do. However, Minho was so caught up in the fight that he didn’t realize what he was doing. I heard a smack and a ton of gasps went up all around us. We both froze.

“Omo, Rebecca …I-I-I’m sorry!” Minho stumbled over his words. She was sitting back on her on the ground, holding her face in her hands.

In an instant Onew was kneeling down by her side, asking if she was okay. He gently lowered her hands to reveal a black and blue bruise already beginning to form on her left eye.

“I swear I didn’t mean to!” Minho had been rambling all this time. “I just… I just…”

“Nice going Minho! First you hurt her heart, then try to hurt our leader’s heart, now this-,”

“All of you just shut up!”

All heads immediately turned to Onew who was now helping Rebecca up off the ground. We’d never heard him yell at us before, so we went completely silent.

“Will you just stop arguing?! Minho, I was angry enough to give you that black eye myself, but I didn’t. You know why? Because I didn’t want to drive a wedge in our SHINee family. Jonghyun, just mind your own business! You had no right to do that. It wasn’t your place!”

“I’m sorry hyung.” “Onew, please…” Minho and I watched as Onew led Rebecca away, holding her close and continually asking how she was and comforting her.

The crowd began to disperse, leaving Taemin gaping at the two of us.

“Taemin…” Minho tried, but the maknae just shook his head in disbelief and backed away.

Annie came to my side and examined my face saying I needed ice right away. She ushered me off toward the house with her.

*Minho’s POV*

I looked up at Nicole in shame. Tears were b at the edges of her eyes.

“How could you Minho?” she whispered painfully.

“Nicole, you broke up with me. I didn’t think I had to consult you on who I liked.”

“I’m not your mother. You don’t need to consult me. Maybe you should try consulting yourself,” she said evenly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, fed up by this point.

She shook her head. “You really are a stupid jock.” And with that she turned away, leaving me all alone. The sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and there I was: alone, broken and friendless.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~