Getting Over Fears

A Fangirl's Dream

*Key’s POV*

“Now you’re not going to let me go in alone this time, are you?” Brianna asked as we walked down the sandy beach hand-in-hand.

“Of course not,” I smiled at her. “Someone has to protect you from the fish!”

She stuck her tongue out at me, but then turned away to hide her blushing face. Gosh, this girl’s aegyo just killed me!!

We were at the same lake we’d gone to the day we accidentally flipped the kayak. I’d rented the whole thing out again, just for us.

“I’ll race you,” she smirked as we slowed down.

“Do you really want to-,”

“Go!”

Suddenly she took off sprinting toward the water. Thankfully my reaction time was pretty keen and I took off right after her. I forced my legs to move as fast as they could. She had just reached the water and begun slowing down when I caught up to her. Instead of stopping, I wrapping my arms around her waist, spun her around in a hug, then picked her up bridal style.

“Ah Key!” she laughed, holding onto me as the water splashed around us and I began to head deeper into the lake.

“I had to get you before the fish did!” I smiled back.

“Haha, true. Um, Key you can stop walking now. Key… Key!” Brianna exclaimed, getting more nervous as I brought us deeper and deeper into the water.

It was now deep enough so that the water reached my chest… and Brianna. She clung to me tightly and whispered in my ear. “There are big fish out here, aren’t there?”

“Yes; oh! There goes one now!” I exclaimed, pointing to a random spot in the water.

“Ah!” she shrieked, holding onto me even tighter.

“Haha, I’m just kidding yebo. There’s no fish.”

“Meanie,” she pouted, looking up at me in ‘anger,’ though I could see right through it.

“I know what’ll make it better,” I leaned in and gave her a long, gentle kiss.

“Mmmm that did kind of make it better,” she smiled as I pulled away.

“I’m going to set you down now-,”

“No!” she protested, but I’d already begun lower her into the water. “I’m scared. I’m scared. Don’t eat me,” she rambled, along with other nonsense.

When she was fully in the water and I let go, she immediately clung to me again.

“Yebo you’re fine! I’ve got you,” I reassured her, taking her by the hand.

“Okay. Okay I trust you,” she gulped and nodded her head.

We slowly- ever so slowly- began to wade further and further out until we could no longer touch the bottom while keeping our heads above water.

“Oh my gosh; okay, it’s all good. Everything is fine. I’m swimming with Key. The fish are off swimming all creepily our there in the deeper water. Everything’s good!”

“Haha, you’re so cute when you worry,” I laughed. “But look; you’re doing great! You’re getting over your fear!”

“I guess I am!” she said in an uneasy but slightly happy voice.

“But Brianna, there’s a reason why I wanted to bring you here.”

“Because it’s the place where we both discovered we loved each other, right?” she asked happily, pecking me on the cheek.

“Yes, that, but… I want to talk about our future.”

A sad expression fell over her face and she turned away. “Key, I don’t want to talk about l-l-leaving… you,” she squeaked.

“No, not that, silly,” I laughed, turning her head gently with my hand to face me. “I’m talking about our distant future. I know we’d have a lot of barriers to overcome and we’re still young so there’s a lot to think about. It’s just that I’ve never met someone like you and I couldn’t imagine a life with anyone else. You’re the one I want.”

“Key… what are you saying?” she tensed up and seemed to be turning pale.

“Would… um- I don’t know how to say this. I guess I just have to go for it. When we’re older and you want to settle down with someone… would you settle down with me?”

Oh gosh I can’t believe I’m saying this! I’m only 21 and she’s only 18! We still have so much ahead of us. My career, her schooling, meeting new people, getting new opportunities…

I felt a burning ball of anxiety swirling around in my stomach as I continued to tread water next to her. She still however, looked at me in confusion.

“Wait, are you asking me to live with you?”

“No Brianna. Well, yes in a way, but… I mean it’d only be when you’re ready and I understand you still have a lot left to explore in life. For goodness sakes you’re only 18 but… when you’re older and you want a family- a husband… Aigoo Brianna and I want you to marry me!”

“Key I- uh- I- Key…” her voice faded as her eyes rolled back in her head and her body went limp. I held onto her to keep her above the water.

What had I done? Was it right to put such a heavy burden on her at this age? She still had so much to consider in life. How could she answer this kind of question? Aigoo…

I began to feel guilty and dreaded the moment when she’d wake up in my arms and ask what had happened. Could I tell her that it had just been a dream; that she’d really just hit her head or something? Or maybe I could say I rescued her from drowning during which she out. I didn’t know, but I had to think fast.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~