Do You Love Him?

A Fangirl's Dream

*Rebecca’s POV*

“Rebecca,” I was startled as someone grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into their room.

The person flicked on the light, revealing his identity.

“Minho?” I asked surprise.

“Yeah… we need to talk,” he said awkwardly, motioning for me to sit down on his bed.

“I’d rather stand thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“I think you know.”

“Oh, are you referring to the day I caught you sleeping with Nicole while we were still an item? Yeah, I’m still a little confused about that myself.

“Look, this isn’t easy for me either,” he said, taking a step closer to me.

“Try anything on me, and I will scream. Everyone will wake up and come running,” I warned.

“That won’t be necessary. I just want you to know that… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Ha! Then what exactly was your goal?”

“I… don’t know. It started out as fighting, but then she told me why she acted the way she did. Did you know that she’s never felt love before; not even from her parents?!”

I turned and walked over to stare out the dark window on the far side of his room.

“And why was that so hard to say? You couldn’t have just told me that? You had to sleep with her behind my back?!” I asked in exasperation.

“I’m telling you, I wasn’t planning on going to bed with her! It just kind of happened! And don’t tell me you weren’t daydreaming about Onew while we were together. I saw the way you’d look at him. I still see it!”

“What are you talking about?!” I whipped around to face him.

“You’re in love with Onew. Just admit it!”

*Onew’s POV*

I stood frozen outside the door. I had simply gotten up to use the bathroom, but voices from Minho’s room had caught my attention.

I held my breath, waiting for Rebecca’s reply.

Minho noticed her looking at me in a special way? He thinks she loves me?

“Why should I admit anything to you?” I heard her say back to him.

“Just say it. You’ll feel better once you do,” Minho’s voice urged.

“Look, Onew and I are just friends; there’s nothing more to it! He’s 23 and I’m 15; how COULD there be anything more to it?!”

I felt my heart wrench at her words.

But there’s so much more to it, Rebecca. I wouldn’t care if I was 20 years older than you; my feelings wouldn’t change.

“So you’re telling me that you have no feelings for Onew, whatsoever?”

I listened closely for her response.

“Nothing more than a friend.”

I closed my eyes in pain and grabbed at my heart.

Please be lying. Please be lying for my sake. I need you to care about me as more than friend. Rebecca… I need you to love me.

Suddenly I heard footsteps approaching the door. I ducked around the corner just as the door swung open and Rebecca padded down the hallway. I stared after her as she went, longing to hug her from behind and whisper in her ear how much I cared for her.

“I love you Rebecca.” I rested my head against the wall as the words just barely escaped my lips.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~