It's Time

A Fangirl's Dream

*Carolyn’s POV*

“Will you come with me?” I asked Taemin quietly, even though Minho most likely couldn’t hear me from the shower.

“I would, but I have to go tell Brianna,” Taemin answered, placing a hand on my shoulder.

We were all back at the hotel. Everybody was cleaning up and getting ready for bed. Taemin and I agreed that it was time to tell Brianna and Key about our feelings.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow morning then,” I answered as we both exited out the door of his room into the quiet hallway.

Taemin let my hand slip from his as he walked away down the hallway toward Brianna’s and my room, while I walked slowly toward Key’s shared room with Jonghyun.

*Taemin’s POV*

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door to Brianna’s and Carolyn’s room.

I wonder how she’s going to take this. It’s not like we were superrrr close or anything…

“Wait, what was that?” I heard a muffled voice come from inside the room.

“Probably just your imagination,” A guy’s voice replied, confusing me even more. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

“It might be Carolyn coming back!”

I knocked again.

“Quick! Hide in the bathroom! Go!” Brianna’s muffled voice said as I heard a bunch of movement inside the room. “I’ll be right there!” her voice shouted out to me this time.

After about a minute the door finally opened.

“Hey- oh; Taemin! Hi, I didn’t expect to see you,” Brianna said, trying to look calm and natural.

“Was that Key I heard talking to you?” I asked as I tried to peak around her shoulder into the room.

“What? Oh, no, that was the TV,” she answered awkwardly. She was such a bad liar.

What was Key doing in Brianna’s room? Were they fighting or something? Was he hurting her?

I pushed by her and headed toward the bathroom.

“Taemin, what are you doing?” she asked, hurrying after me and grabbing me by the arm.

I ignored her and proceeded to the bathroom, opening the door to find a surprised Key staring back at me.

“Taemin, I can explain-,”

“Come out of there Hyung,” I said, motioning him to step into the room.

“Taemin I-,” he started, but I cut him off.

“Tell me the truth Hyung; what are you doing here?”

*Carolyn’s POV*

I knocked on the door, but there was no reply.

Maybe he’s asleep? Yeah, I’ll just tell him tomorrow…

I turned around to leave when suddenly the door opened, revealing a sleepy Jonghyun wearing only boxers.

“Gosh Jonghyun, put some clothes on,” I told him, shielding his half body from my eyes.

“Get over it,” he mumbled. “What do you want?”

“I need to talk to Key.”

“He’s not here.”

“Well where is he?”

“Brianna’s room-,” he stopped short, his eyes now as big as saucers. “Never mind; I didn’t say anything, okay?” He slammed the door in my face.

Brianna’s room? What?

I hurried down the hall toward our room. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello readers!

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=-o How will Taemin take Brianna being with Key, and how will Key take Carolyn being with Taemin? We all know Key can be pretty protective! o.O Make sure to leave comments to let me know what you think! Your comments and subscriptions encourage me to keep writing(: Saranghae to all my readers and subscribers! You guys are the best<3

Now go enjoy some chicken...

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Write a quick comment if you'd like...

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Mmmm I'd keep an eye on those two^

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Fine! But watch your back, cause I've got eyes hidden all over this joint!

 

Haha, I love you all<3 New chapters to come very soon:D Kamsahamnida for reading! It means so much to me!<3

 

 

Peace out! Stay cool! c:

 

 

 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~