Drama

A Fangirl's Dream

*Meanwhile…*

*Minho’s POV*

Rebecca’s arms were wrapped around me so tightly that I didn’t think she would ever let me go. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it. I just wasn’t expecting it.

“You okay?” I whispered in her ear.

“Yeah I’m fine.”

I could hear her voice was strained. I knew something was wrong, but if she didn’t want to tell me, I didn’t want to force her. I decided to change the subject.

“So, what grade are you in anyway?”

“I’m starting 10thgrade this fall.”

“What?!” I shouted in surprise, stepping back so I could see her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking kind of hurt.

“You’re only 15?!”

“Yeah, how old did you think I was?”

“I was thinking at least 17!”

“Haha, well a lot of people usually think I’m older than I really am.”

“Wait; so if you’re only 15, why did they pair you with Onew?” I asked, pulling her back in to dance again.

“What do you mean?” she questioned.

“Onew is the oldest out of all of us. He’s 23.”

She froze in my arms.

“T-t-twenty three?”

 *Onew’s POV*

Why am I dancing with Nicole? I want to be dancing with Rebecca. Where is she?

I scanned the crowd over Nicole’s shoulder, searching for Rebecca. Finally my eyes found her. To my dismay she was dancing very closely with Minho.

She must still have feelings for him…

Suddenly Nicole pulled away and followed my gaze to see Rebecca and Minho as well.

“Just let it go Onew.”

“Hmmm?” I mumbled, not taking my eyes off the two of them.

“You don’t want a girl that’s in love with someone else.”

“What?”

“Rebecca; she’s in love with Minho. Last night when she was in the shower she left her diary on her bed flipped open, and when I walked by, I saw the words written plainly on the paper: I love Choi Minho.”

I stared at her, unable to believe what I’d just heard.

“You’re lying,” I finally said. Why should I trust this girl?

“Well why don’t you ask her then?”

I froze. I knew I couldn’t ask her myself. It was the weakness that I hated the most. How come most guys can just walk up to girls and talk to them, but I can’t? I stumble over words, that is, if I even manage to say anything.

“Fine; I believe you.”

“Good,” she answered looking satisfied. “Well I don’t like trying for guys who are already being fawned over by other girls, so Minho’s out of the picture for me. But, I guess that makes you available huh?

“Uhhh,” I didn’t know what to do. I just stared painfully as Rebecca laughed in Minho’s arms, confirming Nicole’s terrible words in my mind.

“Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?”

My head was spinning. It felt like my heart was breaking. Had I been in love with Rebecca? I didn’t know, but all I knew was I was hurting. I was confused and felt hopeless. I guess out of pain I agreed and followed Nicole out into the hall.

I was kind of dazed while she led me down the hallway. Before I knew what was happening, we were at the bottom of the stairwell, my hands tangled in her hair, and our lips pressed against each other’s. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was acting out of pain; wishing it was Rebecca’s lips on mine.

*Rebecca’s POV*

*Buzzzzzz*

I felt my phone vibrate in my dress pocket. Gosh I love dresses with pockets! I flipped open my phone to read the message. It was from a number I didn’t know.

Unknown Number: Hey, it’s Nicole. I need to show you something; it’s urgent! Come to the far stairwell ASAP!!!

Well that’s weird…

I wouldn’t have done what she said, but the text sounded kind of serious. Because of this I hurried out of the gym and toward the stairwell.

As much as I hate her, I hope she’s okay. You figure it would be at my school that something would happe-

I rounded the corner, and my heart stopped. No, it didn’t stop, it broke. I could feel the pieces shattering inside my chest. Tears formed at the edges of my eyes. As I stood there watching silently, one escaped and slid down my cheek.

Before me was Nicole, but she wasn’t alone. She was wrapped in Onew’s arms, and was practically eating his face.

Finally my tears forced me to sniffle. They both turned immediately to see me standing there. A small grin spread across Nicole’s face.

“Oops,” she said mockingly. “Guess you’re a little late.”

My gaze shifted from her to Onew. His mouth was open, smeared with Nicole’s red lip stick, but no words were coming out. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes, but I wasn’t going to fall for it. More tears streamed down my cheeks, as I took a step back.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran off down the hallway, squinting to see through my watery eyes. I was so thankful that we were at my school and I knew the perfect place to hide; where no one would find me all night.

*Onew’s POV*

I started after her, but Nicole grabbed my hand.

“Let her go, Onew,” she purred at me.

I stared after her as she ran down the hall, finally disappearing from sight.

“You set me up!” I shouted, turning to face Nicole.

“So what if I did?” she asked matter-of-factly.

“But why-,”

“Obviously out of boredom! I mean, come on; don’t tell me you’ve just been having the time of your life. We needed some excitement!”

With that she walked happily back toward the gym, leaving me all alone by the stairs. I sat down on the bottom step and placed my head in my hands. I pulled on my hair in anger and let out a shout.

“How could I have been so stupid?” I asked myself, a tear finding its way down my cheek. Soon the one tear multiplied into many.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~