RIN

 I sat down on my vanity chair and looked at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I had dressed like this. I had never worn so much makeup in my life. I didn't think I could look like this. 

Changsun even called me 'beautiful'. I smiled. He really thought I looked beautiful. 

All my thoughts came to a hault when I realized how much more beautiful Jung Rian was in comparison to me. She was so beautiful I felt weak being close to her. To think that she was the women that occupied Changsun's thoughts...no, to think that she was Leo's mother....

It was a hard pill to swallow. 

Ofcourse he would be in love with her. I saw everything so clearly now. 

"I guess I am no match.." I sighed and started to take off my makeup with the wipes Keiko gave me. 

"I didn't even get a picture with him.." I whispered to myself. 

My meeting with Jung Rian kept replaying in my head. She was a scary women. I couldn't even imagine her the way Changsun described her as Choi Ha Na. 

"She was pretty, in her own way. Ha Na was a very plain girl. Didn't wear makeup...her hair was always messed up" 

Jung Rian was an arrogant women. She looked absoluty flawless and her hair was certainly not messed up. How could they be the same person? 

Did she know about Leo? 

She was definatly someone Leo would be scared of. She didn't seem motherly or sweet. She looked like the type of person that only cared about herself. 

"That's not it...maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.." I was being to judgemental. 

I took off my dress and hung it carefully in the closet.

I jumped into the shower. Still deep in thought. 

Going to the Boosung Ball gave me a different perspective of Changsun. I understood him more. He grew up in that type of setting..

Yoon Jae's words came to mind. 

"I'm glad my son has you to show him 'that other side'."

Was that the reason he didn't want to let go of me? 

I was from a completly different world. I was abandoned by my alchohlic father when I was 7 years old. Kim Yoon Jae found me in the streets of Tokyo, scavenging food to stay alive. He graciously took me in and gave me a home. I had no idea who he really was. An important buisness man in Japan. 

I grew up with Keiko and Ren. I never wanted to leave their side so I did everything I could to earn my keep. Yoon Jae didn't want to, but I begged him to let me be a kind of 'servant' to the Kim's. I had no blood relation to them but I wanted to thank them for welcoming me into thier lives. 

That's when I found my purpose. Leo came into my life years later and I was asigned to look after him. Later I met Leo's father..

Lee Joon. 

He was like a wounded street dog. 

When I layed eyes on him for the first time, something about him tugged at my heart. I fell in love with him at the sight of him. 

His hair was long and messy, his face was pale and thin. His eyes showed nothing but sorrow...grief. He was lonely. 

The first few months, I didn't talk to him. He would snap at anyone that would come close to him, even his son. 

He never held Leo as a baby. It broke my heart and I didn't understand. How could a father not love a helpless baby? 

I guess fathers like that did exsist....

I gave Leo lots of love in his father's place. 

After a while, he came around and tolerated being around Leo. Tolerated...

I never imagined what type of suffering he was going through. Just after meeting Jung Ri An I had a little jist of it.

Even now, there is alot of things I don't understand. But it doesn't matter...because I want to be by his side. Eventually he will tell me....right?