I am too lightly dressed in front of the convenience store. All I want to do is drink coffee in this winter, but that's in the 'bad food' list that Kwang Soo did for me. Three months pregnant, I have started to show. Slowly, I am trying to cut down travelling because the soles of my feet are starting to hurt and I can't stand too much. I have reduced the amount of work I'm doing. Let's just say that I am bored out of my mind, and I worry all the time. I look like a ghost, I don't understand what's happening to me. I can't stop crying, I'm starting to get stares. But I am in my hoodie, and they could not possibly know it's me. So this is what I have become, three months pregnant, sitting outside of a convenience store, eating ramen with a hard-boiled egg. This is the level that I have stooped to. 

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, split my chopsticks in half and started to eat the ramen. Nothing feels better than hot ramyeon in winter. My eyes are red, and so is my nose. I have been thinking a lot these days. But I try to prevent myself from thinking of the bad things I will do to this fetus inside of me. Lee Kwang Soo, from someone that I could always talk to and share my thoughts with became distant; actually I don't even blame him. I blame myself. I am a mess. I am a ty, ball of ing mess. This is the kind of mess that I know would not go away, and I can't even drink my pain away. 

What the am I going to do? 

it's not that what Kwang Soo said hurts me. Of course, I am not easily wounded. The thing that made me so bubbling, achingly mad is the fact that it's going to get worse if I don't change. Kwang Soo's going to end up hating me. I could feel it. I could feel his worry for me, and how long will my attitude prolong? How can long can he stand this? How long can he stand me? How long will he ponder until he realizes that he is sick of me? All of these thoughts, all of these 'what if's are going to kill me, seriously. 

I don't know who to tell. I don't know who to confide in. I don't know what to do. I have long gone moved on from pointing fingers. The only thing I am worried about is how to become a mother. What if I up this kid's life, what am I going to do then? A child is a lifelong commitment. What if one day I decide I can't do this, and ditch? 

But then I could see a frantic Kwang Soo looking for me, from a distance. Well the store is not really that far away from the apartment. When he saw me, he almost put himself in a fright and his blood drained from his face. 'Noona!' He yells. I felt like laughing, for the first time in ages. He ran, approaching me. 'Noona, it's cold. Let's go inside.' He said. 

'I'm eating, Kwang Soo-ya.' I merely said, sipping broth. 

'You're eating? Noona, what are you eating? You can't have these processed stuff.' He says. 'And you didn't even get yourself kimchi. Wait.' He says, taking off his jacket leaving himself with only a sweater. He went inside, got a bottled water and packaged kimchi. He opened the kimchi for me, then sits down. 

'You're going to get a cold.' I said, eating the kimchi. 

'Well, I might but my priority is you.' He says. 

'If you get a cold, I'm going to get infected too.' I said. He stops and thinks about it. 

'I haven't thought about it like that.' He says, I chuckled. 'Noona, I'm sorry for what I said. It's just that sometimes..' 

'I'm difficult?' I finished his sentence for him. 

'No, no, noona what are you saying. Of course not. It's just that I get a little bit temperamental, and I am short-tempered and sometimes I'm just.. the bottom line is, noona, I'm sorry.' He says, apologetically. I touched his hands, they were a bit cold in the tips. 'I'm sorry for not understanding you well enough. You have enough trouble than I can ever imagine. And I am not thinking about you enough, and I'm not caring for you enough.. you're like so pregnant now..' He says, even he's stumbling through words. 

'I'm like 'so pregnant' right now?' I repeated his words and laughed. I haven't laughed like this in a while. This is what I have always loved about him. He's clumsy, and sometimes foolish but he's sweet and kind. 'Kwang Soo how are we going to be parents?' 

He looks at me and he sighs. We haven't talked about this since we've been distant from each other lately. 'I don't know, noona.' He says. 'But since it's with you, then I am not worried - not at all. I'm more worried about you than the fact that we're going to be parents. I have been flustered. So flustered these days.' 

'Why?' I asked. 

'Because I don't know if you're going to go away.' 

How foolish we both have been, scared for the fact that we both will leave each other. But if we are worried for the same thing, doesn't that mean that we're basically worried about nothing? Kwang Soo shuffles through his pockets, he's looking for something. He takes out a wooden box, a small one. He opens it, exposing a ring. White pearl, encrusted with diamonds. 

The moment I saw it, I started crying again. 'Noona, this has been keeping me awake at night, painstakingly worrying. I wouldn't sing to you, nor will I kneel on the ground. I was going to propose to you, after the appointment but I think this is the right moment for it; maybe it's not really the right place since we're in front of a 7 Eleven, but I was wondering if you'd marry me. Maybe it's not even the right time for it, but I want to prove to you of how serious I am with  you, that I'm in this for the long haul and I want to be tied down with you.' He says. I kept wiping tears. 

'Are you serious?' I said. 'Are you serious that you'd want to be tied down with me?' I asked. 

'I have never been so serious.' He looks at me, dead in the eyes. 

'Then I'll say yes, too.' 

I have never been happier. I have seen happiness. And I have been happy. But not like this.