She's sometimes here, she's sometimes not here. She's passed the third month mark now. 

I wonder how she feels about everything, she does not talk to me anymore. She's starting to show. For the time being, she tells me that she could go on with it. With Running Man, with shootings, with CFs; I just hope that she is not exerting herself that much. What seemed like the happiest six months with her before became as if it was a fantasy, the Song Ji Hyo that I have known and loved was no longer there. She's tired all the time, she's so pale I think that you can see through her. 

I was elated to be a dad, since it was with her. I told my mom about it, but she has not told hers. There's a child inside of her, and she is unhappy. But I thanked god that she's not talking about aborting it, or giving it up; well we have passed that mark already. Her second trimester is coming. 

But is it worth it? To see her as unhappy as this? Of course I have always wanted kids. I love them. And it would make me the happiest man on Earth if I ever got the chance to have my kin with her. But if she's not, if she does not want it, then what's the point? 

She's just sitting there. She came back from her agency, talking about what to do next. A press conference? Marriage? Everything needs to be thought through. Now all she does is sit there, in front of the large windows overlooking the city. She does not want to do anything, she does not even want to move, let alone eat or take care of herself. Crossing her legs on the floor, she sits there with a cup of tea I made for her after we ate. 

'Noona, we have your doctor's appointment at three.' I said, while cleaning after the living room. But she's just emptily looking outside, she's not answering - she's not even listening. I approached her, touched her shoulder. Then she looks at me, with a pathetic smile that has lost its spark. 

'Yes?' She says. 

'Doctor's appointment. Three o' clock.' I said. 

Then she stops looking at me, her gaze is back fixated to the skyline facing the Han River. 'I don't feel like it.' She merely says. 

'It's not in the matter of you feeling like it. It's in the matter of just going. Come on, let me send you.' 

As soon as I touched her arm, she flinches. I stopped myself. To this extent? Is it to this extent that she hates me? What happened to us? To this extent that she does not want to be touched by it. 

'I am so sick of this.' I accidentally said it. Those words merely flowed, it was unintentional I swear. She looks at me, raises her head. 

'What are you sick of again?' She asked me. I cleared my throat. 

'Nothing, noona. Go and get dressed, let's go.' I said. 

'No, no. Are you saying that you're sick of me, Lee Kwang Soo?' 

'Noona, no, what are you talking about. Of course not, forget it, let's just go.' I tried to help her up but she won't let me touch her. I can't remember the last time I have ever touch her skin. She raises from the ground and stands. She shoots me a smirk. 

'You're sick of me. I know it. I could feel it, even if you don't say anything. Do you actually think that I want this? Do you actually think that I wanted children? You were the one who chose this, who wanted this. I could have gotten an abortion but I kept it for the sake of you. So don't give me that kind of ing attitude. Don't tell me how hard it is, dealing with me when you have no idea of how this feels.' 

'Noona, I ed up, I'm sorry.' 

She walks to the door, grabs her coat and her keys. She walks out the door.