The Burden of The Band
Downing Today, Drowning TomorrowSong Ji Hyo went back and as she enters, she could hear the TV. Dong Wook was sitting in her sofa with his feet up, he was watching football. 'You're back.' He says, as if raising from the dead.
'I'm home.' She says. 'Can I talk to you later?' She says.
'What do you mean by that? Of course you can.' Dong Wook says, smiling at her. Every time he smiles at her, her heart breaks little by little, sometimes it gets too harsh she feels like her heart is broken like knocking the emergency glass.
'I'm going to go shower first, alright?' She says. In the shower she contemplates - it's late, should I just do it tomorrow? She asks herself. But she thought, the possibility of her actually mustering up the courage for tomorrow. It's like ripping a bandaid, the faster the better. When she was out of the shower, he was already in bed, ready to go to sleep.
She slipped into bed, next to him, and her heart was beating so fast that she could feel it in her stomach. He had closed all of the lights in the room, and the only light in the room was the ones coming out of the windows. It was not that busy outside, but there were still the sound of the cars honking and also the sound from the heater coming through. She placed her head on his chest, and slowly, she spoke. 'Dong Wook-ah, I'm breaking up with you.' She says, uttering slowly. And without even any notice, she cries as she speaks. The sound of her silently sobbing, made his heart break too.
'I know, Ji Hyo.' He places his hand on her back, making circles with the tip of her fingers. 'You're not happy, aren't you?' He asked.
'Why would you ask that, of course I'm happy. What girl would be sad when they have you.' She says. 'It's just that, I can't forget him, and my heart feels empty without him.' She raises her head to look at him, even the sight of him gritting his teeth showed her that he was in pain.
'It's okay, I get it.' He says. 'I saw you, with him, before in the barbecue. Sometimes you see things in static, and I saw the way he looks at you and the way you look at him. I was just trying to not see it, I just wanted to have you, that's all. Even if it's for a short time.'
'Dong Wook-ah.' She says.
'Hm?'
'Do you hate me now?' She asks.
'How could I hate you, when you're my most favorite person in the world. I can try to hate you, but truly, I can never do that. Not once, not ever, not right now.' He wiped her face with her thumbs, making sure that that night, she was out of harm in his arms. Slowly, they both drifted to sleep with their bodies pressed next to each other, their hearts pounding at the same rhythm.
Dong Wook thought, she wasn't mine to begin with anyways.
When Ji Hyo woke up, her bed was empty. The whole house was quiet again, as it used to be. She had liked Dong Wook, and she would have had him stay - but she couldn't have him that way, she couldn't be greedy and asked for all. Her heart belongs to Kwang Soo anyways.
But something caught her eye, a box on the night stand next to her. When she opened the box, it's a ring. A beautiful wedding band, with diamonds encrusted on it. There was a note that came with it, hand written.
Ji Hyo-ya, I was going to propose to you this weekend, but it seemed like plans - they don't really work the way we want to.
I know, this might be hard on you, and it's hard for me too. If you think you can live without me, just have this ring as keepsake, it's for you anyways, would have been inappropriate for me to let anybody else wear it, or maybe even throw it out since it costs a lot.
Whatever you choose, is right. It's not right for me to do this to you, asking you to choose, but I slept on it, and I thought about it, even if your heart is his, but love, is a choice Ji Hyo-ya, it's not a feeling.
Didn't I tell you, you're my most favorite person. Let me heal you, let me be with you. I never actually said this to you, but I love you. Now the burden is on your shoulders, marry me, Ji Hyo-ya.
Always yours,
Lee Dong Wook
She took out the ring from the box, it seems like all she does is cry these few days. She placed it into her finger, it suited her quite well. Well, it would have suited anybody well, it was a beautiful ring, it was expensive - everybody could see it. She curled herself up into a ball, and she cried her heart out. She had decisions she had to make, and now she can finally feel the weight of it.
She felt as if her world was not hers anymore, all of these expectations are the weight for her to bear. Her eyes closes, couldn't the burden on her shoulders be shifted, maybe scheduled for later? I want to go to sleep. She says to herself. Sometimes we slip away, emotionally, so that time would take our burdens away. Close your eyes, let the problems in this life melt in between my fingers. If there is a god, I want to ask him to help me.
And so she could hear herself, asking in the wisest tone of voice that did not shake nor did it waiver. Go to sleep, there's nothing you can do right now but to slip away from this world. This world is sometimes too heavy for one to bear, so go to sleep. Listen to me, go to sleep.
So she slipped away, and slept with her eyes encrusted by tears, the band safely kept in her finger.
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