themedicalscholar: Hey guys, it's your author. Happy 2016!! I hope you all have the best year of your lives in the best health. You know what, when I posted 'Crippling Silence', 'Decisions, Decisions' and 'Snap Out Of It', I thought you guys would hate me. But it seems like you don't. and I am very appreciative that you guys give me this much support that I don't even know I deserve. I try to make this story as unpredictable as I can, making sure that it is easy to follow but still interesting and heartwarming. @spartace_suki, I am really glad that this story moved your heart, that is the best compliment you can ever give to an author like me. And @MrsStar, *hugs* for you too. @Girin_lover, thank you for your lovely compliment. And @mantelion, sometimes love needs heartbreak as well. Finally, @parkseunghye, you got your wish. 

Again guys, have a happy, fulfilling new year 2016. I hope you enjoy more of 'Downing Today, Drowning Tomorrow', I love that you are all so wonderful and lovely and just, ugh, the best. I love you guys. Make sure to subscribe, vote and most of all comment. Seriously, I don't really care of the first two things. Just comment. Much love xox

She felt like dying. 

She felt like death itself. 

When they first saw each other, she heard from one of the staff that she heard smashing from Lee Kwang Soo's dressing room in SBS. She was supposed to meet Dong Wook in one of the studios, but it seemed like she stumbled upon the wrong one that was finishing up. When the wrong studio turned out to be him, he abruptly ran away from her, she waited outside of the studio. She wanted to explain things, that she calculated everything wrongly. But when she came back, she asked one of the staff where he was but it seemed they were hearing smashing glasses from the dressing room. They were knocking on his door, but he merely said, 'I'm okay, it's fine. I just dropped a glass.' 

But when he finally came out, she concealed herself - his hand was wrapped with a cloth. Blood was dripping, they called his manager to take care of him. 

That was the last time she could ever see Lee Kwang Soo apart from in Running Man. And she wondered what happens after every filming. Sometimes when he saw her, his face would turn white as a sheet. He would avoid eye contact, and even now, jokes weren't coming out of him. Some did comment on it, but nobody actually said anything since they were pulling his weight. 

And all of these talking about him losing this tremendous amount of weight. 

She was getting scared because she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to change it. 

After the smashing incident, Song Ji Hyo went back home; scared less. All of her plans to have lunch with Dong Wook were cancelled, Dong Wook couldn't see how scared she was, how pale she looked. She was concerned, it was beyond her control. 

She was sitting in her living room, until the point Dong Wook came back home. She was startled by his own voice. 

'Are you okay, Ji Hyo?' He asked as he took off his coat. Winter came, and sometimes they would have a white winter. 

'Yeah I'm okay.' She says. 'How was your day?' 

He kissed her cheek, and sat next to her. 'It was okay, I thought you were meeting me at SBS?' He asked. 

'I know, I'm sorry, I just felt..sick.' She says. 

'Oh? You do look unlike yourself. If you're sick, don't overexert yourself. Let me take care of you.' Hearing that, she remembered how Kwang Soo used to take care of her. How different he looks now and then, and how scared she is looking at his transformation. 

'Dong Wook-ah.' She calls his name softly, his hand in hers softly. 

'Yes?' He looks at her, placing her hair to the back of her ear. 

'Why do you like me?' She asks. 'You can have anybody, anybody you'd like, you;ll get her. But why me?' 

He paused slightly, but he answered. 'Because there was this one day. We went to the Christmas party, back in 2012, remember? You danced, a bit tipsy but still not fully drunk. But you had fun regardless, and I sat with the other actors - and then I saw you for the first time. Right then, it feels like we were in an old movie, everything dies down and darkens - I only saw you. With hair short to your shoulders, the evening black dress you had on, the magnificent Song Ji Hyo was all I could see. Never in my lifetime have I ever seen someone that shone brighter than you.' 

Listening to his answer, she kissed him slowly, his fingers lightly tugging his hair. But deep inside, she was scared of letting go of the past. As she closed her eyes, she remembered his painting in the middle of the small room. She could almost hear it, right then, 'Noona, you're like a work of art.' 

The fan meeting was starting, it was just a simple one. It wasn't held like a big concert or anything, since it's was done locally but held in a famous university. They took picture, and smiled for the cameras. Song Ji Hyo was dressed beautifully, coordinated by the stylist. A short dress that fell just above her knees, coloured in peach and it had some abstract design on it. It suited her light skin, so it made her look pretty stylish today. Her hair curled lightly, she looked like a million bucks. 

That made Kwang Soo kind of angry at her. She made herself impossible to ignore. Even while they were signing, his eyes would always avert to her. And that pissed her off. But he liked that she was healthy and well taken care of. He knew Lee Dong Wook, so he knew that she was well taken care of. 

A girl in her early twenties came by his booth. He gave out his signature and smiled for her. 

'Kwang Soo-oppa, are you sick?' The girl asks as he signed the piece of hard paper before handing it to her. 

'No, I'm always healthy. Why?' He answers. 

'I don't know, you just look a little pale that's all. And it seems like you got a bit thinner.' She says. 

'Oh? Maybe I'm not eating enough, but surely, I will and you'll see me in a better condition.' Lee Kwang Soo says politely. To become an artist, he needs to play the part too. Because they are the one that makes the money for him. So this is just the way to repay for all that they have done. He stood and gave her a hug. 

'What happened to your hand, oppa?' She asked as she pointed to his left hand. 

'Hm.' He pauses. 'I just got into an accident with a door.' He lies. 

She merely nods and thanks him. They took a break and ate snacks, but Kwang Soo was busy watching his hand. He wondered why he could do things to his body like that, made him kind of sad. But sometimes, we can't really explain the things that we do to ourselves. Song Ji Hyo looked at him from afar as she bought some snacks from the vending machine.

Somehow she got a chill in her spine, and she feels like throwing up. 

Make it go away, please. Stop looking at him. She begged herself. But that's what happens when you try to turn away to the things you want. You start to fill all of your attention on them. Looking at him, she understood, those who love more, has to bear the pain of getting more hurt. And sincerely, she thought, she was hurt more than he is.