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A Fangirl's Dream

*Rebecca’s POV*

“Wake up, we’re here.”

My eyes shot open at the sound of the voice. I looked to my left to see Minho smiling at me.  But who was my head leaning against? I sat up to see Onew blushing.

Gosh, I feel like more of a than Nicole!

I was mentally beating myself.

We brought our bags into the hotel and carried them up to our assigned rooms. Jonghyun was with Key, Minho was with Taemin, Carolyn was with Brianna, I was with Nicole, and Onew had his own separate room, along with the manager.

“Good luck,” Brianna whispered to me, motioning toward Nicole, before entering her own room.

This is gonna be interesting…

I entered the small room (http://calebsynan.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/14.jpg) and set my duffle bag down on the bed closest to the window.

“I’m going to take a shower, okay?” I told Nicole who had just walked in, lugging three giant suitcases behind her.

“Why are you telling me? I’m not your mommy,” she said in a snarky tone as she picked up my bag and threw it to the other bed, taking over the one I’d already claimed for herself.

I ignored her actions and entered the bathroom to shower. A million thoughts swarmed my mind as I let the warm water run over me.

Where am I going to find the perfect dress? (We were all going dress shopping tomorrow on a $75 budget -each- provided by SME.) How am I going to do my hair; curls or straightened? Will Minho ask me to dance? I wonder if Onew will…I hope so. But what will Minho think? I wonder what people will think when they see me with a 19 year old. (That’s how old I had decided Onew was, in hopes that he wasn’t any older.)

*Nicole’s POV*

I organized my stuff, taking up most of the room for myself; after all, I needed it more than her! Once I was finished, I sat down on my bed and switched on the TV.

“Lame… lame… lame… lame…” I flicked through the channels, but nothing good was on. I turned off the TV.

What to do… what to do… oh!

A smile spread across my face when my eyes landed on Rebecca’s bag. I hurried over to the bag and ped it.

“Let’s see what we have in here…” I said to myself as I pulled a picture out of the purple travel bag.

Oh, just family.

I tossed it aside and dug deeper. My hand searched around until I found what I was looking for.

“Well hello friend,” I smiled as I held the diary up to my face.

I jumped back onto my bed and began flipping through the pages until I came to her latest entry:

Why can’t I get you off my mind? You’re all I think about, even when I try not to.  Your smile warms my heart and gives me butterflies, forcing me to smile as well. When I hear you laugh, it makes me wish I was laughing with you, hand in hand. My heart aches to be with you. You’re perfect in every way possible.

Wow, this is CORNY, but I have to read on!!!

The first time I saw you, my eyes were drawn to you, but I didn’t show it. I don’t know what to do now. I wish I could just run up to you, you pull me in around the waist, then kiss me. Why can’t this be like in movies? But then again, you’re different from all the guys in movies. You’re quirkiness, clumsiness; cuteness… everything about you makes me love you even more. I love you Lee Jinki.

I gasped when I read the name.

Rebecca’s in love with-

Suddenly I heard the doorknob on the bathroom door begin to rattle. I shoved everything back into Rebecca’s bag and dove onto my bed. I heard the door opening and pretended to be asleep.

Rebecca organized her stuff quickly, then climbed into bed, turning off the light.

I laid there thinking over everything I’d just read.

Rebecca’s in love with Onew. It’s actually kind of cute! But I don’t like cute. You know, I could have a lot of fun with this…

I fell asleep trying to come up with the perfect scheme. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~