Mistake
AUTHOR:ANONYMOUS



I didn’t have the courage…I was too afraid to risk losing you.


And losing you means losing…everything I have ever known in this life.



\\
It was three in the morning. A cool midsummer breeze wafted in through the open balcony window, stirring a single potted plant beyond its threshold before circling into the apartment and tickling the hairs on the girls’ skin. The sound of traffic had since disappeared, and they were drowned in a suffocating silence.


Taeyeon pulled the covers up to her neck, feeling herself sink deeper into the leather sofa as she stared at the screen in front of her. It had gone deathly silent since the movie’s protagonist had decided to venture into the sepulchral darkness of the crypt beyond, and Taeyeon could feel the weight on her right side slowly but surely mold into her own. She pulled Tiffany closer and held her breath, waiting for-


SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!


Whether the sound came from the movie or the girl beside her, Taeyeon didn’t know. The entire sofa seemed to shift diagonally by a few inches. Taeyeon opened her eyes and found herself shaking.


Wait a minute. She wasn’t the one who was shaking.


She looked down and saw the amorphous form of Tiffany buried in her chest, arms clasped in a vice grip around her waist. The poor girl was shaking like a leaf! Instinctively, Taeyeon pulled her closer, easing the blanket over Tiffany's head away to expose a...vibrating head of hair.


“Omo, Fany-ah, I told you we shouldn’t have watched this movie,” She said, grinning, moving a hand to smooth the trembling girl's hair.


“B-b-but I’ve b-been waiting t-to watch t-t-this m-movie f-f-f-f-f-“


“Forever?” Taeyeon finished.


“YES!” Tiffany shrieked, still shaking.


“Funny, because you spent the last hour or so ‘watching’ it through the blanket,” Taeyeon said.


“I CAN STILL SEE!”


“It’s opaque, Tiffany.”


“W-well…” Tiffany hesitated before speaking in a whisper. “I was scared…”


Taeyeon let out her signature deep, rich chuckle and pulled the silly girl closer. Her comfortable speech, though, thoroughly contrasted with the racing heart that thumped in her chest. Was it from the movie? She hardly thought so. She sighed.


“Let’s stop here for now, shall we? You’re probably going to break out in fits at the ending,” Taeyeon said, reaching for the remote.


Tiffany suddenly sat up, frowning. “Wait, what do you mean?”


Taeyeon remained nonchalant as she turned the DVD player and television off before turning to face Tiffany with a wry smile.


Tiffany’s frown deepened and she cocked her head to one side. “You’ve watched this before?”


Taeyeon chuckled again. “How else would I know when to hold you closer?”


Tiffany was grateful for the darkness of the living room as she felt herself blush. “But I thought you said you wanted to watch it with me?”


“I did. But one has to be prepared, no?” Taeyeon smiled.


Tiffany broke out into her dazzling eye smile, which shone just as brightly even in the dim light. Taeyeon always found that weird; how that smile always managed to throw her off balance, make her stomach flip upside down and make her knees go weak. Perhaps it was the same for anyone who had seen that smile. It was…devastatingly disarming.


“Thanks…,” Tiffany said softly, wrapping her arms tighter around Taeyeon’s waist and leaning in.


Taeyeon in a sharp breath. Bad move. Her heart was already going to explode, and now this? Still, she felt-


“Bestie.”


Taeyeon felt her heartbeat slow infinitesimally. She sighed inwardly, unconsciously pulling the girl closer and resting her chin on the head of shoulder-length hair.


“Bestie,” She whispered to herself.


Feeling the familiar ache in her heart that she got whenever Tiffany breathed those words to her, she closed her eyes and shook her head dismally.


“That’s all I am to you…right?”


As she Tiffany’s hair gently with the back of her hand, she remembered the conversation she’d had with Sunny earlier that afternoon back at her studio.



\\
“Above and beyond the usual social scrutiny, you can’t say you’re not meant for each other, Taeyeon,” Sunny reasoned.


“But we’re not! Look at us. We’re polar opposites no matter how one would look at it. She’s a doctor. Got her absolutely glittering M.D. from Harvard, born to a loving family anyone would kill to have. She’s bright, bubbly and awfully energetic. And I'm the aspiring singer who dropped out of high school to 'pursue her dreams', an only child and an...orphan. I’m quiet, reserved and quite effectively boring. And yet…” Taeyeon paused, sighing, propping her head on her hands.


“And yet, you two connect on a level that transcends mere friendship,” Sunny finished, smiling.


“I don’t understand…why?”


“First of all, let me say that your dreams are pretty much realized as of now...many thanks to me, of course, but anyway...the point. It's because you two complete each other. Having the same hobbies, interests, personalities and professions…that’s…boring. Basing a relationship upon two people being essentially alike is a recipe for disaster. But you two. I’ve seen you two together. You’re so different that you need each other, you know? You need to be around each other to feel and know that your life is whole.”


Taeyeon sighed and sat up, not meeting Sunny’s gaze. “That’s why we’re besties, Sunny. She wouldn’t have it any other way...especially since we’re both…well, girls.”


Sunny sighed. “Come on, Taeyeon. It’s the 21st century. Besides, I’m have excellent taste in good looks, and I must say both of you look absolutely gorgeous. Society places great emphasis on appearance...But that’s beside the point.”


Taeyeon looked up.


“To take a relationship, any relationship, to the next level, you need only two things.”


Taeyeon remained silent, urging Sunny to continue.


“Trust…and courage. I’m certain that you trust her, Taeyeon. All you need now…is the courage to take the first step and see things through, whether good or bad.”


“That doesn’t sound very encouraging, Sunny.”


“Pfft. Details.”


“I’m serious!”


“Look, life is all about taking chances. Every single day in life is a gamble, whether you know it or not. You could get hit by a car while crossing the road. But does that stop you from doing it? You could choke on a fish bone. Does that mean you should stay away? Every day is an exercise in taking calculated risks. And if I may say so myself, anything where love is concerned is a risk worth taking.”


Taeyeon sighed deeper this time. “I don’t know…”


“You do.”


Taeyeon locked gazes with Sunny, whose serious demeanor grew into an encouraging smile.


“Trust me. You do.”


\\
Taeyeon looked down at the dozing girl.


She knew what she wanted, and it wasn’t this. Too long had she been holding in her feelings for the fear of losing Tiffany. She wanted to give her more. She wanted to give Tiffany a life of joy and security. She knew she could do it.


“Fany-ah,” Taeyeon cooed.


“Mmmmmmm…” Tiffany continued to doze, breathing heavily into Taeyeon’s stomach.


Taeyeon did her best not to squirm and tried again, shaking her gently. “Fany-ah.”


“Hmmm?” Tiffany rolled in her lap and looked up, eyes half-closed in semi-consciousness.


Taeyeon almost gasped. This was the face she wanted to see beside her every morning when she woke up. Even with her messy hair and unfocused eyes, Taeyeon couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty.


Her heart clenched. No…she couldn’t risk losing this. She couldn’t possibly risk losing Tiffany because of her own selfish desires. If she didn’t make it through…she shuddered to imagine the consequences. Still, a small smile came to Taeyeon’s lips.


“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Taeyeon said softly.


The angel smiled and nodded, mouth agape in a massive yawn.



\\
The Next Day



“You didn’t tell her, did you?” Sunny asked, a frown plastered on her face.


Taeyeon could only grin sheepishly.


Sunny sighed loudly. “Kim Taeyeon, what am I going to do with you? You know you can’t go on like this forever, right?”


Taeyeon’s smile faded and she once again avoided Sunny’s gaze, looking away wistfully. “Actually, I think I can,” She whispered to herself.


“What was that?”


Taeyeon snapped up and smiled. “Nothing. Hey, I’ve gotta go. I’m heading home to fix up a little surprise for Fany.”


Sunny grinned. “Let me guess. Carbonara with extra cheese and extra-crispy bacon?”


Taeyeon slapped Sunny on the shoulder on her way out. “This is why you’re my second best friend in the whole world, Lee Sunkyu.”


“Yah! I abandoned that name years ago!”


“Not to me, you haven’t!” Taeyeon chuckled, receiving a playful slap on the on her way out.



\\
Taeyeon continued to flip the slices of bacon over and over in the frying pan, eyes focused. They had to be just so, or Tiffany would have that weird look on her face that said “You messed it up. Again.” Taeyeon had had enough of that. She always prepared meals for Tiffany with love and care, but this time, she was putting in extra effort.


The doorbell rang.


“Aigoo Fany-ah, don’t you have your own keys?” Taeyeon grumbled to herself. She tossed the bacon slices into another pan before wiping her hands and heading to the front door.


Just as she was reaching for the keys hanging beside the door, she heard a burst of Tiffany’s rich laughter. Taeyeon smiled.


“She'd better not be rehearsing one of her lame jokes again," She mused, and unlocked the door.


“She’s going to be so thrilled to see-“


“Jaejoong?” Taeyeon said in surprise. Her hand was still on the doorknob. Somehow, she thought that if she’d closed the door and opened it again, he would be gone. It appeared as though Tiffany had prepared a joke, and Taeyeon was its unfortunate subject.


“Taeyeon?”


“You two know each other?” Tiffany chirped, beaming brightly.


Taeyeon could only continue to stare. Tiffany’s shoulder seemed rather rigid during that smile…her eyes trailed down her slender right arm until she saw…


“Yes…,” Taeyeon paused, eyes fixed on the space between them. “As a matter of fact, I do.”


Their fingers were intertwined.


“Wow,” Jaejoong wondered, breaking into a breathtaking smile. “I could have never imagined Kim Taeyeon was your best friend, Tiffany! I worked with her on an album a few years ago. She has an amazing voice.”


Tiffany chuckled. “Sometimes, neither can I. Her voice isn’t her only amazing trait…is that carbonara I smell cooking?”


Taeyeon stood still, speechless. It seemed as if the world had all but gone to black and white the moment she’d opened the door, and all semblance of sound had escaped soon after when she spotted their display of physical intimacy. She blinked once and looked up, seeing Tiffany’s lips move but hearing nothing. Moments later, it all came crashing back into her.


“Taeyeon? Hello?”


Taeyeon snapped painfully back to reality. “Oh! I’m sorry…Where are my manners? Please, come in.”


“Forgive Taengoo, she seems to be a bit out of it today,” Tiffany said to Jaejoong as she stepped in.


“Taengoo?” Jaejoong said bemusedly.


Another laugh. “That’s her nickname! Well, to me, anyway. It’s cute!”


“Just like you,” Jaejoong cooed, reaching over to pinch Tiffany’s cheek.


She giggled shyly. “What a small world! It’ll be that much easier to introduce…or rather, re-introduce you two to each other,” She said.


Taeyeon watched in horror. Still, she swallowed hard against the crushing sensation that threatened to overwhelm her and gathered the guts to push the words through her lips.


“Make yourselves at home. I have two servings of carbonara ready…one specially tweaked to Fany’s taste. I’ll be going out. Are you okay with the regular, Jaejoong?”


Jaejoong looked back, slightly confused. “Oh, don’t worry its fine. But…won’t you be joining us?”


“Yeah! Won’t you? I brought him home so we could have a nice dinner together. I could help you out with a few more dishes, Taengoo,” Tiffany added.


“No, that’s fine Fany,” Taeyeon said with a small smile. “I just remembered I left some documents back at the studio. I have to send them in by today.”


“But Taengoo!”


Taeyeon was already making her way toward the door. She turned over her shoulder one last time to look at the couple with a warm, albeit forced smile. “You two have a good time.”


And then she was gone.



\\
Taeyeon strolled along the length of Banpo Bridge, breathing in the cool, damp air as its 380 nozzles continued to spray colored parabolas of water out of each side. Lights from the surrounding city shone defiantly against the dark backdrop of the night sky. As she stopped to stand in the middle of the bridge, she felt as if she were trapped in a dimensionless space between two separate worlds. She tuned out the grating sounds of traffic and the rush of water just beside her, drowning herself in an infinite silence as her mind whirled.


She wasn’t delusional. She wasn’t in denial. She understood every bit of what had been revealed earlier, and it was that comprehension that so cruelly ravaged her deep inside.


Tiffany had a boyfriend. Of that, she was sure. Whether Tiffany had been dating Jaejoong before she’d brought him home, Taeyeon didn’t care. Whether their feelings for each other were sincere and long-lasting, she didn’t care. All Taeyeon knew was that somewhere deep inside the recesses of her soul, something had shattered, and as she continued on her aimless path along the bridge, those pieces were now being scattered into the stillness of the Han River below.


It hurt. Unimaginably. But deep inside, Taeyeon knew it was wrong to feel this way. Somehow, the dull ache in her heart had lightened, bringing with it a certain relief that she couldn't quite place. She stopped and turned to face the outward spraying jets of water, resting her hands on the cold railings. A full moon stared down from above, half-obscured by scattered clumps of stretched clouds.


“If you’re happy with him…then be with him,” She whispered to herself.


“If you believe all your