Lost then Found
by Vtension



Tiffany sits at the edge of her bed, her hand clutching onto her phone and her eyes staring at the clock. It is well into the wee hour of the night and still no calls, no good nights, no sweet dreams—nothing, not a word. The only sound that can be heard is the ticking of the clock, which is amplified with silence filling the four corners of the room, mocking Tiffany that Yuri yet again, is probably in some other girl’s arms right now while she pathetically waits for her. The moonlight illuminates Tiffany’s small body and makes her milky pale skin glow and, as usual, is Tiffany’s only companion. It reflects her loneliness and she can’t help but despises it. She is growing mad with each tick of the clock, and perhaps a bit worried, but mostly mad.

A thud resonates throughout the room as the phone crashes onto the floor and Tiffany curls her body up into fetal position. Tiffany knew the consequences when she said yes to an open relationship, but she didn’t know it would affect her this much. She thought she could keep a place in Yuri’s heart by sharing it. But the unfamiliar fragrance on Yuri’s blouse, the lip stains on her collar, and the occasional red marks on the crooks of her neck made it hard for Tiffany to ignore.

She buries her head under her arms and grips tightly onto them, her nails clawing into her skin. She doesn’t notice the blood spot as her nails clawed deeper and deeper. Just thinking about how Yuri probably got the love marks and how she doesn’t even bother to hide them deludes Tiffany from the physical pain she’s inflicting on herself.

As much as she wants to hate Yuri and be angry with her, she is more angered with herself. She hates the power Yuri has over her; how she can’t seem to speak up when Yuri sweet talks her way out of dinner, how she can never question Yuri when she finds herself alone in the middle of the night, how she keeps her eyes closed when she comes home to find Yuri in someone else’s arms. She hates everything about her pathetic self.

She hates herself for allowing Yuri to do the one thing she hates the most, and that was making her feel weak and vulnerable.

“No more” She tiredly whispers.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Tonight would the last straw of it she decides. She allows the tears to wash all the hurt and pain away as they stream down her cheeks and the hiccups from her chest and sniffing from her nose to increase like it’s the last time she’ll ever be able to cry this freely again.

The tears and sniffing subside and she abruptly gets up and wipes her eyes dry.

“That’s better, you can do this. Just be strong.” she encourages herself.

She puts on her jacket and walks to the one place she knows would calm her down and freshens up her mind.

The park.

It holds an irreplaceable sentiment to her that she hasn’t looked back on in years.

Tiffany wasn’t always what she considers herself to be now, weak and easily taken advantage of. When she was 12, she was anything but a pushover. She was bold and straightforward. Her bright and cheerful smile could light up anyone’s face, but her intense and furry stare could also send chills down their spines. If she caught you in a lie, you better prepare yourself for some hell to be raised.

But this all changed when she blindly gave her heart to a boy who gladly took it, played with it, stomped on it, over and over again. “You’re too clingy and rough,” he told her. It scarred her more than it should have.

She had her face glued to her pillow and cried for days and days on end. Her dad was, well, a man who simply did not know what to do with her. He figured that all girls must love everything cute and fluffy, so he got her a plushy. She thought he was silly for treating her like a 5 year old, but she appreciated the thought and carried it everywhere with her. She named it “Totoro”.

One day passing by the park near her home from school, Totoro fell out of her bag, and a big gold-like German shepherd strode past her, knocking her to the ground and grabbing the small plushy with its canine. Horror was written all over Tiffany’s face when she found Totoro’s head dislocated from his body.

“Sit Lucky!”

“Yah! Look what your dog did!” she yelled at the owner furiously.

“Aren’t you a little old to be playing with stuff animals?” the girl said indignantly while petting the dog.

The owner of the big dog ironically turned out to be a short and petite girl with long brown hair. Her eyes were perfectly round and the sunlight made the glint in her eyes mesmerizing. Tiffany found herself at a lost for words, because that was the first time she discovered she was attracted to someone of same . Contrary to their not-so eventful meeting, their relationship was blissful. They found out they were neighbors and soon became very close friends.

The park was where Tiffany would rant and vent out all her problems to her new friend, including how the boy broke her heart and how her dad tried to cheer her up with the plushy. Tiffany’s feelings for her grew as the time they spent with each other became more frequent. But Tiffany was weak and scared of rejection, so she never confessed. It’s ironic, because the girl made Tiffany weak to her knees, but also helped her contain the negative side of her emotions, so it’s not a wonder why Tiffany’s world came crashing down and crumbled into pieces when she came home one day to find that her friend moved away without a single word. That day, any character improvement that she made went down the drain, and she reverted back to her weak and vulnerable state before she met the girl.

Looking back on it now, Tiffany can really say that she lost her first and possibly her only true friend.

Tiffany walks over to the bench where she remembers having conversations with her old friend. She heaves a sigh as she sits down. She can’t help but wish she had a friend to confide her problems in right now.

“Damn you, Kwon Yuri. Damn you” She mumbles at the ground as she digs her shoes under the dirt. The deeper she dug, the more she got angry.

“I hope you get herpes and die!” She yells.

No response. Of course, what does she expect?

She feels the loneliness creep onto her shoulders and shivers in response.

“Looks like you’re really my only companion now” she says as she looks up towards the nig