Elevator Notes
-anonymous

 

The sun peeked just above the horizon, its radiant light invading the streets and buildings of Seoul unimpeded. Save for a little apartment on the twenty-second floor of a high rise building. Its curtains were completely drawn, hiding the room away from the beginning of another day. The soft light lit the frays of the curtain fabric as a sleeping figure rolled about in bed uncomfortably, still unconscious. Sweat gathered on her milky white forehead and dripped from her brown hair whilst she tossed and turned, mumbling incoherently. Despite the sweat, her light hands clutched at the quilt tightly. It wrapped her small body like a warm cocoon but still she shivered.

The red lights of her digital clock blinked, flashing seven am, causing the alarm to ring throughout the apartment with a shrill beeping noise. It seemed to have no effect on waking her, as her eyelids pinched together. In pain?In fear?

She threw her covers back as she got up, her breathing shallow and fast.

‘The same dream….again….’

Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she kicked off the quilt before she swung her feet over the edge. She clasped her hands together with her elbows on her knees, her head down as she breathed in and out, the alarm still beeping. Getting to her feet, she tottered over to the small cube and slammed her hand down on it. The beeping stopped and the apartment was deadly silent once again.

Rubbing her bleary eyes, the room around her slowly came into focus. She groaned at the mess on the floor, the dress, earrings, necklace, and bracelets all from last night’s schedule lying there. Oh. And the insoles too.

‘I’ll….clean it up later….’she thought as she stepped over the mess scattered around her bedroom floor. Stepping into the shower, she twisted the hot water tap to maximum and let the water crash onto her. The water acted as a warm blanket, driving away all thoughts about her dream, washing away all the fatigue from the previous night and got her slightly more invigorated for another long day ahead.

Wrapping a towel around her wet hair, she moved to the kitchen where she quickly flipped together a plate of omelette rice. As she sat at the glass dining table, wolfing down the hot rice, she looked around the apartment that is home to her, was going to be home for the next however many years. The bright walls made her smile, the gifts and letters she had received even more so. But it was a hollow smile, one that graced her features without the glint in her eyes.

Something was………..missing. Something…..intangible, unreachable.

Her hand phone vibrated, jittering on the glass table, snapping her out of her stupor. Taking a moment to swallow the large mouthful of rice, she answered the phone.

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Ah, Taeyeon? I’m downstairs in the car. There are a few people downstairs though, so be careful. See you in ten minutes?”

Looking down at her plate of half-finished omelette rice, Taeyeon hesitated. “Twenty minutes manager oppa?” she pleaded.

She heard a stifled chuckle on the other end of the line. “Oh alright. Just make sure you’re down here in twenty minutes! Your stylist needs to get you sorted out before you attend a schedule.”

“Thanks manager oppa!”

She flipped her phone shut with a snap before shovelling the rest of the food into her cheeks which over-inflated like large white balloons to cope. motoring away, she dumped the plate into the sink full of dishes and walked to her wardrobe to get dressed, nimbly moving around the piles of clothes on the floor.

Ten minutes later, she stood in front of her mirror, making sure that the proverbial strands of hair weren’t out of place. She smoothed down the frills of her sequined top and adjusted the short denim hot pants before running her hand through her combed hair once more. Deciding she was fit to leave, she practiced the same empty smile, her teeth flashing white, cheekbones raised, never reaching her eyes.

Master of deceit.

That’s what she called herself at times, out of amusement. In this cut-throat industry, she had long learned to control and mask her emotions, only leaving an image of what the public expected of her. It fooled everyone, anyone. Except herself.

Grabbing a small purse and her mobile phone she left, closing the door with a snap, the mask now perfectly moulded in place Glancing at her watch, it told Taeyeon she had five minutes to get downstairs. Hurriedly, she walked to the elevator that ran down the middle of the twenty two storied building. Pressing the button, she tapped her foot impatiently as the numbers slowly ticked their way up to her floor.

‘For such an expensive apartment, you would think they wouldn’t have dilapidated elevators to suit.’ Taeyeon grumbled to herself.

Floor twenty two had a peculiar quirk about it. It was the only floor to have an elevator button on both sides. ‘Meaningless really,’ Taeyeon thought. The sharp ding of the elevator alerted her to its arrival, the plain grey doors creaking open to allow its passenger in. Punching in ground floor button, Taeyeon let her eyelids fall and waited for the doors to close.

Suddenly her ears pricked as she heard a flurry of hastened footsteps accompanied by a metallic jingling that could only be from a schoolbag. As the doors inched a little closer, the footsteps got louder, thudding against the concrete floor.

“Hold the door please!!” the faceless voice exclaimed.

Taeyeon looked down at her watch. Three minutes. She groaned internally. Her manager is really going to hate her for this. Stabbing the open door button with two fingers venomously, she stood to the side, waiting for the person to come through. Breathing heavily, a girl dressed in a deep blue jacket complimented with a checkered skirt, tumbled into the elevator, her school bag loosely slung over one shoulder.

Taeyeon merely watched as the girl had her hands on her knees, bent over, her breath ragged.

“T-T-T-Thank…you….” she managed to heave out before in another deep breath. Taeyeon stood there motionless, unsure whether or not to approach the brown haired girl. Deciding against it, she pressed the button to close the doors once more. They clicked shut with a snap and the decrepit elevator jolted into life, slowly taking the pair down the twenty two floors.

As the red numbers on the display clocked down with a snail’s pace, Taeyeon observed the school girl discreetly. She had recovered her breath and stood up straight. She swung her bag in front of her, sending the numerous plushie attachments flying as she rummaged through her bag. Taeyeon snorted with laughter in her mind. A mushroom head hung off the girl’s phone, smiling at her whilst bumping against a ball of pink with eyes. Toad and Kirby.

The girl noticed her staring at the plush toys on her phone and smiled at her. Perhaps she liked Nintendo too? She opened to say something but clamped it shut as soon as she turned her head away.

‘Shoot she caught me staring.’ Taeyeon thought as she looked away into the corner of the elevator. ‘Get your head together Taeyeon. Don’t let the mask slip.’ She took in a breath with her eyes closed, letting a false peace smooth over her like a second skin. She opened them again, this time with a sombre gaze, pulled up in a slight smile whilst the rest of her features were fixed still. The perfect mask.

The awkward silence was finally broken by the elevator jarring to a stop. As the doors opened, the school girl stepped forwards to it, pulling on both her bag straps against her shoulders. Finally they clanked open and the girl took a step out. Before she left, she turned around to Taeyeon and inclined her head slightly in a short bow. She smiled, her flashing white teeth complimented by her pale face while her eyes became two thin curved lines.

“Thank you.”

Turning her back, she skipped out of her view, leaving Taeyeon momentarily stunned.

‘A real smile.A smile that I could never do.’ Taeyeon thought. She shook her head clearing away the thoughts of her mind and stepped out into the lobby. Only to be greeted by a raucous mob of fans, lined up on either side of the exit way.

‘Well at least they have the courtesy not to block my way…’

The muscles of Taeyeon’s face twitched, pulling her pursed lips up into an automatic smile as she greeted her fans.

“Taeyeon!!!”

“Taeyeonnie!사-랑-해!!”

Walking past them, she signed a few albums, shook hands, always giving a word or two of thanks. All of it done with a simple curve of her lips and the hint of white teeth that gave an impression of a smile. Only an impression. But inside, Taeyeon knew that it wasn’t real. Just a façade, put up to hide behind.

“Taeyeon. You’re late.”

“Sorry manager-oppa!” she chirped as she got in, “I got held up.”

“Well, never mind. You’re going to a stylist now, in order to get prepared for a schedule at...”

Taeyeon’s ears tuned out inattentively, her gaze fixed out the tinted windows of the car. She caught a glimpse of the school girl from before, bowing to two others, lifting her head with a smile plastered all over her face. She dismissed the thoughts from before, returning her attention back to her manager.

“Sorry manager-oppa, what was that?”

------------------------------------------

“HEY guys!!”

“Tiffany, what took you so long? I was going to starve out here.”

“Yeah, Tiffany. I’m freezing here.”

Tiffany bowed down before the pair of them in apology. “I’m really sorry,” she pouted, “I would have been even later if a short girl didn’t hold the door for me though. So be glad she did.”

Sooyoung froze, her eyes staring at Tiffany. “Did you say a short girl held the door for you? Did she have brown hair by any chance?”

Tiffany put a finger to her lips and looked into the sky as she remembered. “Yes. I think so. Why?”

Sooyoung stared at the other girl who had open in shock. “W-w-wait, hold on a moment. You live here?!”

Tiffany looked confused as she replied back hesitantly. “Umm…yes?”

As soon as she replied, there was explosion of cheers and screams where she had run from. The three of them turned back to see a frenzy of movement towards a black car that stood waiting by the side of the road. Among the mob they watched as a short girl popped out and clambered into the waiting car.

“Why didn’t you tell us you lived here?!”

“Yeah! We would’ve come to your house to wait for you everyday.”

Tiffany bowed again profusely. “I’m sorry….But why do you guys want to know so much?”

The blond girl pinched at her rosy cheeks without warning, tugging on them lightly.

“Yah! Jessica!”

“You probably just shared an elevator with Kim Taeyeon.” Sooyoung said bluntly. “I’m overflowing with jealousy.”

“What? Kim Tae who?”

Jessica was stunned into disbelief, her jaw dropping open.

“You….you don’t know Kim Taeyeon?”

Tiffany shook her head side to side. “Should I?”

“For someone who takes singing lessons and does music at school, it’s almost a crime if you don’t know who she is.”

“She’s one of the best ballad singers in the industry! Her voice has a distinctive tone to it, impossible to miss. And her voice vibrations?Blissful. She can hit a whole range of notes, from high to low, with power and delicacy combined. Not to mention she can pull off a cover of any song with ease.”

“You sound like a girl in love there Sooyoung.”

“Shut up Jessica, you know you would say the same things.”

“Well….maybe…” Jessica allowed, albeit grudgingly, “But I would never say it with that kind of tone.”

“What do you mean ‘that kind of tone’?”

“Get your hands off my shirt you shikshin. The food from your fingernails is going to stain it.”

“YAH!”

Tiffany watched the black car turn the corner, its tinted windows reflecting the bright sun. She swept her soft brown hair back behind her ears as she looked up into the clear blue skies whilst tuning out her two bickering but close friends.

‘Kim Taeyeon….’ Tiffany blinked a few times and looked down at her watch. ‘Shoot!’

“Hey you two! Stop fighting! We’re going to be late!”

Sooyoung and Jessica froze, their fists wrapped around each other’s shirts whilst the other hand was held high looking for an opening.

Tiffany’s feet pounded against the pavement, propelling her forwards. All thought of Taeyeon was pushed to the back of her mind.

Not forgotten.

Just at the back.

For the moment.

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Taeyeon’s eyes slid in and out of focus, the setting of the radio show blurring as loud advertisements rang through her ears through the large headsets. It had been yet another whirlwind day for the established superstar, running all over Seoul to make schedules, meeting with several song writers and trying some of their songs. Her mind had already burned away the last of its energy but she pressed on.

‘Just a little longer…’

A stray finger tapped her twice on the shoulder, making her turn her ahead around. Besides her exhausted state of mind, her face automatically lifted into the smile that she did so well. A fake one. The radio host smiled back and sat down on his hair, putting on his headset.

“Welcome back to Shinyoung’s…..”

“….and Shindong’s..”

“Shim Shim Tapa!”

“With the ballad singer that’s weaving her way into the hearts of everyone around the nation, Kim Taeyeon!”

“So we’ve come to the very last segment for today and we’ll be reading out what you have to say to her or any questions you ask.”

“And wow, our message board is filling up quickly. This one says, ‘Taeyeon noona, you seemed really tired just now. Hwaiting!’“

Taeyeon snapped out of her stone gaze to wave enthusiastically at the mounted camera with a smile. Her body gave a huffed sigh in protest but she ignored it, choosing to press on.

“Ah. Here’s a question for you Taeyeon-ssi. ‘Taeyeon unnie, do you ever feel like you’re missing something in your life? I get that feeling lot. But that can’t be possible right? Because you already have everything. I wish I was as lucky as you unnie.’ ”

A silent wind blew through Taeyeon’s blank mind as her thoughts flew back to the dream she had earlier today. It had seemed it was almost a week ago but it still lurked, burrowing in the corners of her mind. Eating away at her on the inside.

“Judging by her silence, I would say she doesn’t feel like she’s missing anything at all!” Shinyoung roared with laughter. “Our lucky star, Kim Taeyeon!”

“No….. no….I…”

The words she wanted to say stuck in , the precarious position she stood on like a knife standing on its edge. On one hand, to say something wasn’t missing could be seen as arrogant. But on the other hand, to say something was missing could be interpreted as being greedy. All of these thoughts whirred and processed in the moment’s hesitation.

“I’m not missing anything at all.”

Taeyeon quickly laughed off the seriousness of her own statement whilst making a face at the Bora camera. Although they had been the best words to say at the time, a small part of her spoke up in protest, thudding against her chest with defiance.

She bit down on her tongue to control herself, the perfect mask that she wore showing no signs of even the smallest crack or splinter.

“And that concludes our radio for tonight, thank you for listening! This was Shimshim Tapa with the balladeer Kim Taeyeon!”

Taeyeon pushed off with numbed hands out of her seat, bowing twice at the two radio hosts before pushing past the door. Soon after, she collapsed into the back seat of the waiting car, her eye lids no longer under her control.

In what felt like less than a minute, Taeyeon awoke to her manager gently moving her arm.

“Taeyeon…..Taeyeon….We’re here already. I’ll see you here tomorrow at the same time okay?”

Somehow she found some store of energy left in her legs, nodded once at her manager and got outside the car onto the cold concrete pavement. After that her memories and vision were blurred, as she somehow staggered into the elevator, trudge through to her apartment and fell with a soft groan onto the waiting mattress. Her eyes wouldn’t open again until the next morning.

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Lying flat on her back, Taeyeon’s still figure breathed in and out lightly, s