They say cancer is something that can be fought, with patience mostly, apart from strength and will, that is. However, there were more reasons to list on why to fight against something written inside people’s genes, the same genes people have no control over. Of course there were those couple cases that got people that idea of how worth fighting was when in the end, half of them ended up dead. Emma was diagnosed with cancer, a couple years ago. She was maybe one of the small portion of people who just wanted to ignore whatever those people who survived said. It was almost nonsense for her.

Emma sighed quietly at the thought of the years that had past by her. It wasn’t the fact that she got older by each year but the fact her treatment was taking longer than she wished it would. She was somehow forced to fight against the disease living sinde her - some people just don’t mind dying and she was part of that some. If it wasn’t for the kid she had to take care of, she would probably just ignore whatever options were on the plate. A little, beautiful boy by the name of San was the reason she fought to stay alive. His father was no other than Kim Jiwon, her ex boyfriend who she broke up with, a few years ago over a stupid fight that got out of control. Words rolled in stones were thrown between the couple and by the damage that was done by the end, there was just no reason for her to stay. Jiwon was aware that she was pregnant but that didn’t stop him from wrapping the stones with harsh words, much less frown throwing them at her.

Jiwon did regret the fight they had, he did regret asking her to exit his life with his son that he yet had to discover the gender of. That time, he wasn’t thinking clearly but she didn’t look back. She stepped out of his life that easily, or at least it was easy in his eyes since she didn’t search for him or tried to make things right. He even tried to contact her but he never managed to.

Emma had a hard time getting through the pregnancy alone. Her mother helped her out, side eyeing her. Her father wasn’t that mad at her about it but it didn’t mean he liked Jiwon more than her mother. However, when little San was born, it was the pride and joy of their eyes. It was about that time that Emma found out something was wrong with her. She suffered from cancer.

The priority was to check up on her son, if it had been codified into his genes the same horrendous disease as his mother. After all the tests they put San to, they concluded he was safe. There was no trails of cancer. Emma was thankful it was just her but that didn’t mean there were moments she didn’t think of giving up. ‘’Emma, you can’t give up now. San needs you. Me and your father won’t be here for much longer, honey.’’ with this, her mother had managed to get her to get the treatment.

Emma cried herself to sleep for a few days as she asked why the hell it had to be her who carried that disease, why wasn’t it someone else? But those thoughts had been thrown away once she started treating herself. The treatment was violent, harsh and got her exhausted most of the time but she was glad San wasn’t able to understand what was going on when she got bald.

She couldn’t help but cry every time she looked at her son sleeping so peacefully, thinking how different would it be if Jiwon was there. Maybe it’d be harder but at least, he’d have one of his parents around him. It wasn’t that Emma wasn’t around San, but he was mostly around her parents as she had to fight against herself most of the time, not even against the cancer that seemed to be always two steps ahead. It was frustrating for her, how she had been fighting against it for just so long and it still didn’t let her go. She couldn’t raise the white flag and ask for mercy but the cancer wasn’t making it any easier on her.

‘’San, do you want to go out to the park, today?’’ his grandmother asked, watching her daughter smiling softly at the sight of her son, so excited, so lively like she had once been. Now, she was maybe pretending to be alright, surviving through the fights she had to stand up to. Her son ran up to his grandmother and nodded quickly, he had been busy playing with some kind of cars his grandfather had gifted him and he was so fond of.

If Emma looked for too long at her son, she would end up seeing his father. She loved looking at her son but at the same time, she couldn’t help but blame herself for making her son grow up without a father, not that it was only her fault since Jiwon had fault over it as well but if he ended up losing his mother, he’d only have left his grandparents that weren’t exactly getting any younger.

‘’Can mommy come too today?’’ he asked, walking towards Emma who looked at her mother, then at her son, smiling. He was just a little ray of sunshine even if it gave away his father’s features the most and hid his mother’s personality. ‘’Sure, honey.’’ she answered him, picking him up and taking him in his arms. It almost felt like having Jiwon right there. It has been a while since she just forgot about her problems for a couple hours and enjoyed her son’s company.

As they were walking, San saw a butterfly and pointed over at it, at how colorful it was, claiming he never really saw any like that. His mother allowed him to try catching it since there were no cars around but she could never predict her son would start running with his small legs that seemed too slow to get the butterfly. ‘’San, don’t run so fast, you’ll fall down!’’ she told him, running after him.

Her eyes widened when she noticed her son had tripped. She rushed up to him but she wasn’t the only one. A slim male had ran up to the small kid was crying, quietly. The stranger pulled San up and looked at him. ‘’Are you alright buddy?’’ he asked, watching the kid’s tears roll down his cheeks. He was shocked to meet someone that looked so alike him. His eyes weren’t as small as his but apart from that, the nose the little boy wore was his, the lips looked just like his, even the way the little boy acted shouted his name.

‘’I’m a strong man!’’ he told the stranger as his mother stopped by him. She was about to scold him for running and actually talking to a stranger but the guy had helped him out. ‘’Thank yo-’’ the second he faced her, she stopped, noticing it was no other than San’s father. She didn’t know what to do in that moment. Emma didn’t avoid him because he didn’t look for her but she didn’t want him to find her either. She wanted to continue pretending he didn’t exist, if it was possible.

She hoped he didn’t recognize her but that’d be asking for too much. ‘’Mommy!’’ San called out, distracting her mother who looked down. ‘’San, are you okay?’’ she asked, quietly to the kid who had already wiped his tears away, making a point; he was a grown man. Emma smiled at how brave he wanted to act and helped him with a tear that escaped his little hands.

‘’Emm...what happened to your hair?’’ Jiwon’s voice asked, quietly. He was shocked with the sight of his ex, the one he was supposed to be taking care of because of their son. Emma looked blankly at the floor. How was she supposed to let him know about why her hair wasn’t there? He didn’t deserve to know, he wasn’t part of her life anymore anyways. She wasn’t intending on answering Jiwon but San suddenly pointed up at Jiwon ‘’He looks like daddy, mommy.’’

The situation couldn’t have turned worst than this. She bit her tongue quietly. Jiwon finally connected the pieces in his brain and gasped, looking at the two year old boy standing in front of him. Before he could say anything else, Emma picked San up and walked away with him, towards her mother while crying. She didn’t want to meet Jiwon even though that scenario had played in her head over a million times. She knew she was risking a lot by letting her kid see his father in the pictures she didn’t throw away.

‘’Mom, I’m not feeling well… I’m going home, can you take San to the park instead?’’ she asked, gently landing San on his two feet. San frowned at the change of plans and looked at his mother, wiping away her tears. ‘’Mommy, don’t cry, I’m not hurt.’’ he even lift his leg to show her he could move it around. She chuckled and pecked his cheek gently. ‘’I know, honey, it’s just that mommy has a huge headache and doesn’t feel well, I need to rest. Do you forgive me?’’ she looked at her son who frowned - the outing was ruined. ‘’I promise I will go to the park with you next time, baby.’’ she told him, watching him pout and hold out his pinky. After wrapping her pinky around his, she pecked his small hand ‘’It’s a promise, next time, I’ll be the one taking you to the park.’’

She watched them walk away first even though she wanted to run away from there. Once she turned around, she met Jiwon who had patiently waited until she was done talking with her mother hand son. It was his son, he was sure of it. ‘’We need to talk.’’ he asked her, his voice was slightly louder than a gentle whisper. ‘’Look, if this is about San, stop by my parents’ house tomorrow, I’ll let you take him out on a date or whatever.’’ she told him as she really didn’t feel like talking in that moment. She wanted to go home and cry. However, he had other plans.

‘’Let’s talk things out, we need to.’’ his hands held onto her wrists, stopping her from even turning which was what she wanted to do. She shook her head slowly, waving her arms so he let go of them. ‘’I’m not letting go until you let me have a chance to talk to you.’’ he continued but she only pulled her arms back, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. ‘’I’m begging you, let go.’’ seeing this, he frowned and let go of her, watching her vanish away. He sighed. But at least, he had the chance to see her again the day after. And she allowed him to take out his son, which was something he was looking forward to.

Once Emma arrived, she ran to her room and locked the door. She wanted to be alone in that moment. She spend some good minutes crying until she felt like she didn’t want to cry anymore. Her eyes landed on the outside, the sun was almost setting, which meant her boy would be home soon and that got her to think of Jiwon again. Again, tears started rolling down her cheeks ‘’What happened to your hair?’’ echoed in her mind; she peeked at herself in the mirror, removing the cap she was wearing, frowning at the sight of her head. It only lead her into another set of fresh tears - she thought she was over this but Jiwon just poured salt over where it hurt the most, without knowing.

After calming down, she found herself thinking about the next day. Before Jiwon took San out, she would have to sit down and talk to him but she didn’t want to. Instead, she started writing down the stuff San was allergic to and the precautions Jiwon would have to take the next day while taking care of the son he lost two years of development of. Upon being done with the task, she prepared the clothes for the next day, San needed to be warm to protect him from the cold of December.

‘’Mommy, is daddy picking me up today?’’ San was excited to finally meet his father. His mother smiled a bit at him, unhappy with how excited he was, while she straightened his outfit on him. The kid grinned like a fool. ‘’Does daddy come to live with us too?’’ he asked, tilting his head slightly but the female shook her head slowly as an answer. ‘’Why?’’ he pouted, making her mother remember his father over this. Jiwon used to whine whenever she said no to him, no matter what it was and he’d end up pouting. Emma quietly finished up her son’s looks with a cap, pulling it so it covered his ears that were mostly cold. ‘’I’m sure daddy has a nice girlfriend he loves a lot and he can’t leave her’’ she answered her son, pecking his forehead.

Soon, Jiwon stood by the door. He wasn’t counting on having San already ready to go. He was looking forward to sit down and talk to Emma but instead, she handed him a long list and waved to San, wishing him a nice day. The only thing she said to him was to drive safe - she still cared for him anyways.

‘’Daddy?’’ San started, kicking his feet in the air as Jiwon drove the car towards the restaurant after making sure to read the huge list he was given. He smiled. It was nice hearing San calling him that. ‘’Yep?’’ San grinned happily as he noticed his father was paying attention to what he was about to say. ‘’Do you have a nice girlfriend that you love a lot?’’ he asked, looking at the boots his mother made him wear. Jiwon frowned at the question. Did Emma ask him to question Jiwon about his private life? ‘’Not really, why, son?’’ the last word made his heart race. It sounded so wonderful and so different from any other he had ever spoken.

‘’Because today, when mommy was helping me with this warm coat’’ he stopped, scrunching his nose at how much details he could actually point out on the outfit, for example, the fact it made him feel like a chorizo. ‘’I asked mommy if you were coming to live with us and she said it was because you had a nice girlfriend.’’ he honestly answered, making the male frown a bit at what she told their son. ‘’Why don’t you come live with me, mommy and grandma and grandpa then, daddy?’’ he continued, wanting to know the reason why. If it isn’t for the girlfriend, then what was it?

Jiwon was put in a hard position. He had no idea how he could explain things nicely to his son. After parking the car, he broke the silence that had been settled in the car. ‘’I think mommy is still mad at daddy.’’ he honestly answered at his son, turning to see him. ‘’But you can come to my house whenever you want.’’ he offered, watching his son’s expression brighten. Jiwon chuckled, he was indeed his son. ‘’Let’s go eat?’’

While they were eating, Jiwon kept an eye on his son. His mouth opened every time San took the spoon up to his small mouth, instead of eating his food. He was just focused on his son. ‘’Daddy, aren’t you going to eat?’’ the two year old boy asked, tilting his head just to hear his father laugh and nod his head, eating some of his food. ‘’Hey, San, can I ask you a question?’’ the kid only nodded his head quickly before going back to eating. ‘’Did something happen to mommy?’’ Jiwon was concerned after all. He did love her still. They may not get along with each other but the love he felt for her didn’t vanish.

San stopped for a second, thinking of how he should explain. He even put his spoon down. ‘’Mommy is sick.’’ he shrugged, going back to eating right after but there were more details left to add. Jiwon’s eyes widened. She was sick? He wanted to know more. ‘’Do you know what mommy has?’’ he asked, seeing his son shake his head slowly with the spoon in his mouth while his fingers were wrapped around the spoon’s end. ‘’But she cries a lot and she lost a lot of hair. She looked more beautiful on the photo she has on her room where she says I was in her tummy.’’ he told his dad. Jiwon lost his appetite. He nodded slowly.

‘’Mommy! Mommy! I’m home.’’ San shouted as he walked inside. His mother came to greet him, picking him up and pecking his cheeks gently. ‘’Did you have fun?’’ San nodded happily, hugging his mother ‘’Daddy invited me to his house, can I go?’’ Emma couldn’t turn down her son’s request when he was just so happy. ‘’As long as you behave during the week.’’ she told him. He held out his pinky, making her chuckle. ‘’Good boy.’’ she set him down and watched him run to his room, to play. Her parents weren’t home in that moment and she noticed Jiwon was right there - she couldn’t run away from him for too long. At least not if he meant to make things right to San.

‘’Can we talk?’’ he asked her, standing by the door. She nodded slowly and sat down by the couch, watching him close the door and rush to sit by her. She sat by the other end of the couch, turning her head to see him. ‘’When are you picking him up?’’ she broke the silence. This was not what he wanted to talk about but he answered her anyways. ‘’Is next week okay?’’ she thought for a while then, nodded her head slowly. He was about to say something but she interrupted him ‘’I’m...I’m really happy that you want to be part of San’s life.’’ she told him, feeling tears invade her eyes. She chuckled, wiping away the ones that slipped through her skin as she wasn’t intending on crying. Her eyes saw another hand reaching for her eyes but that hand didn’t along to her. It was Jiwon’s. He wiped her tears, turning her to face him. She missed his touch.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ he asked her but she pulled his hands away and looked back at her lap. He frowned a bit, deciding to get off the couch and crouch down in front of her. His hands reached for hers, taking them into hers as he looked up at her but he stood quiet while she cried. Her eyes were closed and her head was lowered. She didn’t want him to see her crying. ‘’I missed you...so much.’’ he told her, taking one of his hands away to cup her cheeks. She only sobbed, knowing she missed him as well.

He was about to say something else but again, she didn’t let him. She pushed his hands away and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly ‘’I’m dying, Jiwon.’’ she cried out, hugging him tighter. His arms were quick to find their place in her waist. He wanted to calm her down before saying anything else. She wanted him to say something but he said nothing. After a few more minutes of crying, she pulled away and cupped his cheeks, looking into his eyes ‘’Just promise me you’ll take good care of our son.’’ she asked him while her thumbs his skin just before she started crying again. She lowered her head and rest it over his shoulder, crying quietly. ‘’I didn’t want you to see me like this…’’ she stopped, sobbing.

Jiwon sighed and rubbed his hand on her back, trying to soothe her by keeping her in his embrace. His warm embrace that she loved and missed so much. She pulled away again, looking desperate this time - she never shared this with anyone. ‘’I don’t want San to know I’m dying.’’ she told him, panicking but Jiwon looked calm. ‘’Emm, nobody’s going to die. Everything’s going to be fine. I’m here with you and San. I’m here for you, baby.’’ he let her know, wondering if the last word was too much. ‘’You don’t mean those words.’’ she whispered, still crying while the male only frowned. ‘’I mean it. I won’t let you die. You’re going to get better…’’ he wiped her tears away ‘’And we’re going to live like the family we are.’’ he told her but she gripped onto his arms. ‘’This is what you wanted.’’

He looked at her, blankly. He remembered what he said the night they argued. He wished her the worst out of his anger and there was no single time he didn’t regret it. ‘’Emm, I love you. I didn’t mean what I said two years ago. I was out of my mind when I said it. I searched for you after I calmed down but I found you nowhere. I tried calling your parents but they didn’t let me talk to you either. Let me make things right to you, now.’’ he asked, frowning as he looked at her who was nowhere near done crying. ‘’I promise you’re not going to die. I promise you we’re going to get through this.’’ he continued just to get her to glare at him ‘’Don’t make promises you can’t keep.’’

‘’I know I can keep this promise. I know we’ll make through this together.’’ he told her, noticing he was crying as well. He wasn’t sure when he started crying, all he knew was that he wouldn’t lose her again. ‘’For our San.’’ he told her, pecking her forehead, pulling her to rest her forehead on his. His hand reached for hers, sticking out his pinky finger. She looked down at their hands and smiled a bit, wrapping her pinky around his like she did to their son. After this, her free arm wrapped around his neck tightly. She was hugging him and he was smiling, widely at this. ‘’I love you a lot, my warrior.’’