#36 - "Open the door before I break it down."

Taehyung x You

Word count: 766

Trigger Warning - Implied thoughts of suicide/physical harm.

Numb. That was exactly what you wanted to feel. It was a glorious feeling, you didn’t have to feel much of anything. You were still here hanging on for those close family and friends that did actually mean something to you but you weren’t here enough to feel the pain, hurt, disappointment, ugliness that all resided in you. Happiness was a fleeting moment and one you didn’t dare hope for. No, numb was it. That was what you wanted. A solid medium for your current existence. You needed something, otherwise you weren’t sure just what you would do. Everything was pressing in on your from all side, it was suffocating. Trying to breath let alone just catch a single breath was one of the hardest things you had to do all day.

The soft but firm rap at your bathroom door just added to the pounding in your head. Instinctively you knew who it was. How could you not? Lifting your head from against the ledge of the tub you glanced over to the blade that you never used. It wasn’t yours but that person who was insistently rapping. Trying to be the good guy and not assume that you’re doing what you had contemplated doing but also very loudly stating that he believes you would hurt yourself or worse. Squeezing your eyes shut, you didn’t know how to deal with him right now, you couldn’t. The rapping only got louder and then came those sweet rich and deep drawls.

“Jung-ah, open the door please… Jung-ah you’re there right? Let me in.” It was like a mantra on repeat and the more it was said the worse the pounding in your head got. Glancing over to that easy solution you sighed and laid your head back on the edge of the tub again. Letting your legs slip down until they were on the cold tile floor you threw an arm over your head and willed the pounding mixed in with all the dark leading whispers to go away. This never helped, you knew that but honestly you didn’t know how to combat it anymore. You were tired.

A much harder rap, that couldn’t even be called that he was banging on the door now. “Open the door before I break it down," the tone in his voice had lost all sweet caution and subtly but grew in concern laced with anger. One you couldn’t blame him for but the change in intensity made you immediately stiffen up. Looking towards the door you wondered would it really make anything better? Could he really help you like he says he will? Will the pounding go away? The whispers? The feelings? Oh, how much you’d pay to make the feelings go away. Your stomach churned as he banged again and jiggled the knob. A count to three had started. Rubbing your temples you caved, like you always do. That man always won, regardless of how much you hurt, he always won with those deep rooted feelings of what you thought might be love if you actually knew what that felt like. Crawling towards the door, you quietly unlocked it and retreated back to your spot against the tub. Nothing was a mess in there, just you, the cool tiles and the sharp solution you decided against.

“Jung-ah, plea-“ he tried the door again in desperation and it opened. Rushing in so fast, that he stumbled over his feet the brown haired man’s frantic eyes settled on you almost immediately and then he was by your side on his knees. His large hands reaching out to cup your cheeks and make you look at him. Except you kept your eyes down, on your legs. “Jung-ah,” his fingers caressed your cheeks in such a loving way you were able to feel the warmth radiating off him. Another unwanted feeling yet a small deep rooted part of you craved it.

This was the reason you never could do anything, “Taehyung-ah…” he always called to you so strongly. Taehyung quickly picked up the blade and carefully slide it in his pocket before pulling you into his arms, smoothing your hair down over and over again. It was such a soothing motion, that you cracked. The tears escaped, one by one in big fat blobs against his shirt.

“I-I’m..s-sorry…I’m s-sorry,” You repeated those words over and over between your tears but Taehyung just shushed you each time and told you that he was here. Numb was what you desired to feel but maybe not all you craved.

“I’ll always be here, jagi. Always.”