Limbo.

It was a place that Min Yoongi knew well. He was so familiar with it that it was almost as if it was his lover. Limbo was a place he had thoroughly explored the ins and outs, pushed his boundaries and found that there wasn’t anywhere else for him to go. It was the perfect space for him to spiral down with no one to catch him. An endless abyss that one could never escape. Trapped by his own hand, that was the worst of it. If he truly wanted out, all he had to do was leave. That was his reality and yet he never could. There was an invisible set of ropes that had him tied and gagged. No way to move, no way to speak, no way to even think.

Comfortable.

Yes, he had grown comfortable here. It was a space that was familiar. One he could sit in for hours and oddly be reassured by the repetitiveness of such a space. Everything was the same, everything was predictable. Everything was safe. Safe… Hah, that was a laughable word. Yet, he couldn’t deny how true it was. Pushing could only get you so far and it wasn’t safe. No, not safe, nor comfortable.

Darkness.

It enveloped him in a what could only be the sweetest and warmest of coldest embraces that he was oh so used to. Swallowed him whole, spread throughout each fiber of his being and felt like home. Anything else and he wouldn’t know what that was. Some days he could see a sliver of light but even that was much too bright and Yoongi would shrink away from it. Unfamiliar, scary, much too hot for one like him to touch. Safe was here. At least any semblance of safe for him was here, in the bittersweet darkness that was always waiting for him.

Always there.

Waiting.

Tired.

Oh goodness was he so tired. If sleep could claim him and never let go, he wasn’t sure he’d mind. Life was hard, it was threatening, it was oppressive. People. Sigh, people were another monster all together and they made him tired. They made him feel all types of things he didn’t want to feel. Anger, sadness, lust, rage, jealousy, pity, the list could go on and on. Much too many feelings for someone who was already so assaulted and fatigued. No, feelings weren’t for him. Tired. Yes, Min Yoongi was oh so tired.

Especially because of one specific person.

Letting Go.

It sounded like the sweetest words he could hear. So sweet and so close that he could taste it. However, he was stuck in limbo. Once in limbo, couldn’t let go. Boy, did he want to. Letting go actually seemed like the safest place he could be. From that person. From those feelings. From watching others take what he wanted. From watching, others touch the light that he couldn’t reach. From watching, watching, watching.

Coward.

Words.

They were so easily tossed around. They held such little meaning but had such prominence and importance in one’s life. His life. Well, he wished he could toss all those words away. They were never enough, never meant what he wanted them to mean. He could never use them properly. Words failed Yoongi. Well, verbal words. The ones that people actually held in high regard. Scribbled words, though he could do. Written on scraps of paper, or an empty coffee cup that was next to him and needed to be released before it was gone. Words. They were gone so quickly, how could one truly do much with them. Words escaped him. Time and time again.

"Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay, I'll never leave you again"

Palms pressed into the hard cold concrete of the rooftop, Yoongi was more than sure he had imagined those words that his ears so desperately wanted to cling to. So, he did what he did best. Didn’t respond. Sat in silence, eyes scanning the darkened city beyond him with the bright twinkling lights of the night others used to cheer themselves up, to not feel afraid. Darkness was what he always welcomed, there was nothing to be afraid of. No, it was a long time friend and confidant.

Feeling the presence of another next to him, Yoongi mentally acknowledged the person. It was him. How was he able to ever not acknowledge that person? The air around him grew humid and suffocating. It always did. If he wasn’t burning up with such an immense urge to reach out to him, he was burning up from how oppressive just being around that person was. Yoongi was holding his breath without even realizing it, praying that their arms wouldn’t touch. Who was he to pray? He didn’t believe in such things but if there was any chance there was a god, he was praying as hard as possible right now. Letting go. That was what he wanted.

So bad that he could taste it.

A hand settled on his thigh, as intimate as one could be with another. Another person they had shared special moments with. Except, were they really special? Rushed moments at odd hours for short moments, heated breaths and immediate release. No, they weren’t special nor loving. Lust and convenience with nothing more. It would never be anything like what he saw was in the eyes of said person and the other he couldn’t help but grow to despise each day that past by.

Tensing up, he couldn’t help it. Letting go. He craved it. Maybe today would be the day. As the hand retracted, Yoongi let out a shaky breath of relief. God, it was so stifling and he had all of the chilly night air he could possibly want surrounding him on this rooftop ledge. Why couldn’t he swallow enough of it? Oh, right there was an unavoidable person next to him. Eyes darting over against his will, caught a glimpse of the raven haired man who locked him away in limbo for years. Years, it really had been years and Jungkook had never even realized the brevity of what he was doing. How could he? Yoongi didn’t use words. Not properly anyway. It had only been recently that he had pushed the boundaries of limbo and sunk into the darkness deeper than he ever had and finally attempted to push the other away.

When would it be enough? When would it be enough for Jungkook to realize what he was doing? What Yoongi wanted? What Yoongi needed? Not soon enough… That’s what he always thought to himself.

“Hyung…”

Don’t call me that. Don’t call me that. Don’t say it with those lips of yours. Don’t let it come out sounding so much sweeter than you mean it. Don’t call me that. The suffocatingly humid air, pressed even harder against Yoongi’s lungs and he truly wished for an end. An end to this. An end to the ties with the person next to him. An end to himself.

Jungkook spoke softly, "Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay, I'll never leave you again." For the second time he said the words Yoongi had thought he didn’t hear. The two had an unspoken language that they only seemed to know and understand but it was different. It was lustful and full of eye contact that neither were having right now. How could Jungkook actually know the words he desperately wanted to hear. How could he actually be saying the words that should be filled with so much meaning, meaning that Yoongi barely dared to dream about. Even dreaming was too scary but once you get a glimpse it’s hard to stop.

“You don’t mean that. What about him?” His words were just as soft as the one next to him. A sigh, escaped those beautiful thin perfect lips that Yoongi could already feel against his. The fact that he could feel those lips with them being nowhere near disgusted him. How could have allowed himself to fall so far? No wonder he was in the mess he was in. Just a hearing sigh was too much for Yoongi to bare.

“What about him?” The words came out with such a laugh it would make anyone who listened feel like they were stupid for even asking. Retreat. Yes, that was what Yoongi wanted to do. Retreat into himself. It was impossible though. Always was, when Jungkook was next to him.

“Hyung, why do you always mention him and never believe me?” The sadness behind those words actually caused a profound sting in Yoongi’s heart. Sincerity? Was Jungkook really being serious? All he could remember was fevered hands running all over him in closets that were nearby and wet sloppy kisses against his skin. No, that wasn’t anything but lust. That wasn’t anything but the other needing another fix that he had been deprived of recently.

“Why do you always drag me to a closet and then ignore me later?” The undertone of bitterness Yoongi was desperate to hide didn’t hold. It rang loud and true. He wasn’t the only one who was frustrated. Jungkook ran his hand through his hair and looked off to the side. To which Yoongi could almost rejoice for. Being under the man's direct gaze made the crushing of stones against his heart so much heavier and now it gave room for just a few of those stones to be removed.

“I-I don’t ignore you. Just…” Being unable to finish nor look at the older male next to him, gives Yoongi time to interject with potentially another jab. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see that Jungkook’s ears are quite red.

“And then you let him-”

“Stop talking about him!” He snapped. Jungkook snapped, it was loud, frustrated. It was ugly and it was embarrassing. Immediately after, the younger recoiled and spoke at a softer decibel.

“Yoongi-yah,” he paused with such hesitance as if the next words he would say were detrimental. Caution needed to be treaded on. Yoongi in a breath as he heard his name with such an intimate tone he had only heard it once before. That had been the light that burned him and pushed him further into the comfort of darkness. It brought about hopes and dreams, desires that he didn’t need in his life or deserved. They weren’t anything to each other. Never had been. Hyung and dongsaeng. They blurred the lines that shouldn’t have been blurred. It was a mistake, he knew this because Jungkook had never said it again, had never looked at him in the same way as his eyes did that night. It was a mistake and all those stones that had been removed had been dropped right back on top of his heart. It was hard to breathe. Did he even want to breathe? Probably not. No, definitely not. Letting go. Where did that thought go? So easily it could vanish from truly just the mere presence of the person sitting next to him. It was scary. Jeon Jungkook was scary. Most of all though, Min Yoongi, was scary. Scared of himself. He always had been. Shuffling could be heard and footsteps on the ground behind him. Oh, he was leaving. He was finally done with Yoongi’s ridiculous attitude that he couldn’t stop himself from giving towards the other. Jungkook was leaving and this time it would be the real deal. The oppressive air that he could barely breathe in wasn’t getting any thinner. No, in fact it was getting thicker. It hurt more. The back of his eyes were starting to sting and whose fault was that? See, this is exactly why he sat in darkness. He didn’t trust himself. Words always failed him. Never once was he ever able to say what he truly wanted to say. What he truly meant.

“I’ll only say this one more time.” Arms wrapped around Yoongi from behind. Those fingers he knew so, so, very well found his own and laid on top. A chin rested on his shoulder, right next to his ear. The breath Yoongi in was more than audible to both of them but also ignored.

“Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay. I'll never leave you again." This time Yoongi was open enough to actually hear the full weight of the sincerity and desperation of each and every syllable that left the younger male's lips. And maybe...Just maybe, that one feeling that Yoongi never, ever dared to hope for. That he never allowed himself to recognize within his ownself let alone another. Love.

There were still so many unspoken words between them. So many misunderstandings that should have been cleared up ages ago. They weren’t. They aren’t. And in this moment none of those mattered. Yoongi had a choice to make and it really was his last chance. Continue sitting in his darkened, comfortable, tiring limbo or perhaps reach out and start anew. Delve into that sliver of light that was only exposed to him once before at least that he had actually caught sight of.

“Stay,” a whisper in the wind.

Yoongi entwined his fingers with Jungkook’s that had just been waiting at the ready. He held them tightly, tighter than he ever would have before. Every fiber of his being was reaching out and holding onto the man embracing him and for the first time, that cold lonely darkness was fading. He wasn’t being rejected as he had feared and felt like he was for quite some time now. No, Jungkook was oddly reaching for him. For Yoongi. Not for anyone else.

Those lips that he would know anywhere, pressed against his jaw. He had felt this many times before but tonight it was different. It was slow, sensual, sweet, almost shy. That was not a word Yoongi would ever say embodied the Jeon Jungkook that he had come to know. Maybe...just maybe he had been missing something for a long time now.

“I’ve loved you for a long time, hyung.” Oh...Shy, yes, Jeon Jungkook was shy. A grin slowly spread over Yoongi’s pink thin lips and he chuckled. It made Jungkook feel very self conscious and pull back slightly. The elder pulled him back close. “I didn’t know Jungkookie could be shy.” If his back hadn’t been to the raven haired man, he would have been able to see the pink blush that just painted his face. “Only with you,” was muttered under his breath as Jungkook nuzzled his nose against his neck. Yoongi picked up Jungkook’s hand and pressed his lips softly to it. “I love you too, Jungkook-ah.”