I, Choi Junhong, have a deep dark secret and if I told anyone, I would probably have to kill myself. I like a girl. Not just any girl. I like you. Oops, told you. Be right back, going to go die now.

            I’m kidding. It’s just these past few months, I’ve been trying to control my feelings, or at the very least, to understand them. It’s a weird feeling, liking a girl. It’s like butterflies in my stomach, or yesterday’s lunch going on a roller coaster ride, but I think the first one is more romantic.

            Liking someone is equivalent to taking a math test cold turkey. You don’t know what to expect and if the problem is too hard, to because then you fail. Girls are like that too. They’re really hard to figure out and if you can’t, then you just won’t be getting a girlfriend. It’ll be a label of ‘Forever Alone,’ unless you crack the code.           

            Having a crush is nerve-wrecking because it’s a constant fear of how do I look? How should I act in front of her? And at the end of the day, I did what any immature teenage boy would do. I pretended to hate you.

            You know how they say that if a guy teases you to no end, it’s because he likes you? That’s true most of the time. Of course there are the jerks who just like to play around but yeah. That’s what would explain the mud pie you accidentally sat on three years ago. Would also explain why I always made fun of your clothes even I think they look really pretty on you. I guess it would also be a good justification for why I vehemently rejected putting your name down on the list of girls when we played MASH. I was scared that they were going to pair us together.

            I guess the reason why I’m making this video is to help me build up courage to tell you in real life that I like you. I figured if you saw this, you would be prepared and that would make my part a lot easier. I think.

            It’s really hard confessing. I admire all the guys who’ve done this before me. I admire their bravery in the face of possible rejection. I guess I’m just doing this another way to try to lessen the pain in case I do get a big fat no.

            I mean, I can understand why you would say no. I haven’t been the nicest to you. I always teased you because I didn’t know how else to get you to notice me. I couldn’t be like the other boys who were super nice because then the rumors would start. And once the rumors started, it would be a disservice to my feelings to deny them. And if I didn’t deny them, then I would be totally screwed over.

            Sorry, I’m rambling. I wrote a rap for you but I don’t think I’m going to perform it yet. I’m going to perform it for you when I actually confess. For now, I’m just going to have that be something for you to look forward to! Please receive me well, maybe, I mean if you aren’t already angry at me for having been so mean to you for so long.

            Liking a girl is different from just having a crush. A crush is someone who you can talk about with your friends and you can laugh about it. You think it’s just a pink color and it’s something interesting for you to hold conversation about. But actually liking a girl is completely different.

            Liking a girl is like having your world painted different hues of pink. It goes from rosy dusty pink to a hot magenta pink that’s not always good for the heart. It’s the hammering of your heart and a lot of insecurities. Having a crush on someone is carefree, liking someone genuinely is not. It requires a lot of self-evaluation and a lot of wanting to change but wanting to stay the same because people should like you for who you are, right?

            Is it me, or is it getting really hot in here? Liking a girl is having sweaty palms, and sweaty everything. It’s always second guessing yourself and losing your confidence. Even though they say that the most attractive feature a guy can have is confidence, it’s hard to keep it up when you’re in front of the girl you like, trying not to make a fool out of yourself.

            So yeah. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past ten minutes. I guess I’ll stop now. I’m going to leave this in your locker. I think you know that, haha, because it’s where you would find the tape. But yeah. That’s it.

            I guess you can prepare for a more grand confession later. It’ll be coming! From, Junhong. 

no idea what I was doing omg