It was the hardest when he had to pretend. He had to fake a smile, fake a consolation, and be the go-between. It wasn’t bad enough that he was stuck in a love triangle; he had to be stuck in an unrequited love triangle. On both ends.

            Daehyun was stupidly in love with her and she was foolishly in love with someone who was taken. It wouldn’t have been so bad except they were all childhood friends. He had known her earlier. But she liked Yongguk first, before he realized that the twisting feeling in his heart whenever she called him ‘oppa’ and Daehyun ‘jerk’ was jealousy.   

            Today was Yongguk’s anniversary with his girlfriend and he had enlisted both of their help. The two of them were supposed to help set up the location and wait until Yongguk has stalled enough time to take out the food. Today was also the day where Daehyun was determined to let her know.

            Of course she was unhappy. With every lift of the decorations, every picture of the happy couple they had to hang up on the streamers, her frown would droop a little more and her sniffles a little louder. Daehyun tried at first to ignore her. He didn’t quite know what to say except to yell at her for being blind and foolish. But then again, wasn’t he?

            The last straw came when she sat down on the ground and pulled her legs together. She dropped her head into her arms and started to sob hysterically. Daehyun walked over and sat next to her. He didn’t want to touch her because that would start a firework of sparks in his heart but there was no other way to console her.

            “Hey, it’ll be okay.” It was lame, clichéd but quite frankly, he didn’t know how else to tell her to let him go. He thought of his own proposal, something he had wanted to complete after Yongguk came and it was his turn for the spotlight. But looking at her now, he knew all of his attempts would be simply futile.

            She shook her head and rocked back and forth. “Why can’t he just like me?” she cried.

            Oh Daehyun had a good answer to that. And it wasn’t necessarily all nice either. “You can’t control a person’s heart,” he told her. It was also a good lesson to know himself, if he really wanted to be harsh.

            She gasped and leaned against him and he almost resented the way his heart pounded when he felt her weight on him. Daehyun was as stupid as she was. “Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if he hadn’t met her. Maybe if he had gotten into our academy, Yongguk wouldn’t have to go to a school half an hour away and would never have met her. Maybe if we went to the same school, he would have noticed me change. He would have seen me go from the kid I was to the person I am now. If I hadn’t been such a tomboy, maybe he would have noticed me earlier.”

            “Life is filled with maybes,” Daehyun told her fiercely. “But not a single one will be. It’s over. He met her, now you should let him be happy. Move on, explore a little. What’s so great about Yongguk anyway?” Now he was angry. He was tired of having his emotions frayed when she couldn’t tell that every word she told him hurt him more than she was hurting.

            “Everything. He has the greatest smile, the largest heart, and the best personality. He’s everything I look for in a man.”

            “Is he the only one who can give you this?”

            She shrugged. “I haven’t found anyone else like him.”

            Daehyun stared at her and knew that she never thought about him that way. She never once looked at him and thought, this was potential boyfriend material. All this time, he had been losing to Yongguk and he knew it. Daehyun couldn’t bring himself to care so much about other people, he would stop eating for a day to raise money, as Yongguk had done when they were fifteen. Daehyun couldn’t imagine himself standing up on stage and making speeches about global warming and urging those to fight for justice. And he realizes that it’s because Yongguk was just simply a better person.

            But from what Daehyun could see, Yongguk wasn’t the person for her. He was a presence without meaing to be. Everyone looked up to him and nobody would ever give her any attention except only as ‘Yongguk’s girlfriend.’ And she deserved more.

            “He doesn’t deserve you,” Daehyun told her and she scoffed.

            “More like I don’t deserve him, and I guess that’s the problem. I’m not good enough so he would never see me like this.”

            “Why would you want someone who doesn’t think you’re good enough?”

            “You can’t control the heart, Daehyun,” she parroted back at him and he bit his lip. He stood and continued to place the bunches of balloons around the room.

            “Go home. I’ll finish this up by myself. See you later.” He didn’t turn to look at her. Even though she was right, he could feel the resentment burn in his heart and he didn’t want to deal with it. He just wanted her to leave and for him to finish the damn decorations and leave.

            They say that love made someone blind, that everyone was more beautiful through rose colored lenses. But as Daehyun looked at her, still pathetically on the ground, still crying, he felt a surge of ugliness overcome him. He could never win her heart, so he wouldn’t try. The most he can do is continue being friends with her, continue being friends with Yongguk. But unless she left or he stopped looking at her, he will always look at her with an ugly mark. Unrequited love could turn ugly, and for him, it did.

sorry this sort of

all break I was in a good mood and now, everything's plummetted again sigh