Himchan could recognize her walk from a mile away. He could recognize the way she held herself, the way her hair swayed and the familiar light step of her foot on the pavement. What he didn’t recognize was how her body had changed, how she glowed and how she looked more beautiful than before.

            It made him sad to know that he had lost her. It made him sad to think about how happy they would have been together, how happy they had been when they were. She had left him for another celebrity, an actor this time because actors didn’t have to travel as often. The divorce was quick; most of the money was split evenly and she didn’t want the house. She told him she didn’t want anything that had to do with him.

            Himchan read about their million dollar wedding and felt a stab of envy. How nice it must be to have moved on, to have a whole new life and be able to put the other one away. He walked slower, seeing if she recognized him. She had on her classic sunglasses and was talking into a phone. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and she was dressed stylishly, different from the casual that she had when she was with him.      

            He remembered when they married. It had been a few years into their debut and they were at the peak of their popularity. She had been with him for much longer before and the endless tours were something she had put up with during their first two years.

            “I’m okay, Himchan. Don’t worry. As long as you come back to me safe and happy, I’m good.” And so he had continued to selfishly live his dream.

            What Himchan didn’t know until too late was that while he had been away on one of the concerts, she had miscarried. The fact that she was pregnant had completely eluded him as well. He didn’t know. They had always used protection and the few times they forgot, he was under the impression that she was on the pill. It wasn’t that they didn’t want children. They didn’t think they were ready when Himchan was so busy all the time.

            He got the phone call late, right before he was going to sleep. They were at a hotel in Japan and the moment he heard, he canceled the interview they had the next day and flew back. She had smiled through her suffering.

            “Himchan, you shouldn’t abandon your work for me,” she told him. Even though her words were reassuring, he could see the bitterness in her eyes. That was when he knew he was letting her slip through his grasp. 

            He asked the company to relieve him of his duties for the next few months so he could stay with her. She told him there was no need but he stayed by her side and helped her through the bouts of midnight crying, feeling lost himself.      

            But his break could only last so long and soon they had another album to record. She had told him over and over again that she was fine. She didn’t need him there. And that was the hint he got for him to leave. She went out with her friends more often and came home later at night. He had to initiate the few kisses they shared and all the time, he felt her drifting away.

            The divorce papers didn’t come as a surprise. He could sense them coming. He signed it without giving up a fight. That night, she had stared at him. “Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

            “No,” he replied simply. “If I did, then that would be like I’m asking you not to do this right?” He in a breath. He didn’t want their marriage to be a game of push and pull. If she thought he would ask her not to get a divorce, she was wrong. He wanted her to want to stay because she wanted to and not because he convinced her to.

            Himchan saw the hurt in her eyes and knew that she had wanted at least some protest. He wouldn’t give it to her. His pride wouldn’t allow it. The papers were filed and everything was split evenly. That was three years ago.

            A year and a half after they split, the tabloids were filled with pictures and rumors of her and Woobin. It was a hot topic and the members had asked him if he was alright. Of course he was. He couldn’t keep her by his side; he had no right to keep her from happiness. Himchan saw the wedding pictures briefly and thought about his own and wished her happiness.

            Now, as she neared, he saw her look front at him and her steps falter. Her maternity dress clung tightly to her stomach and he saw how she would have looked like those years ago if she had not miscarried. He knew the baby inside her was no longer his, but someone else’s. He wondered if he was treating her right, if Woobin, unlike Himchan, had stayed by her side when she told him that she was pregnant.

            He hadn’t heard of any fighting between them and so he assumed that their marriage must be a happy one. They were only a few yards away now. Himchan looked at her and gave her a small smile. He saw her lips purse and wished that he could see through her sunglasses. Her eyes always were the most expressive parts of her. She gave him a tiny nod and he saw the fancy large cut diamond on her finger.

            Then they were shoulder to shoulder and for a second, he wanted to grab onto her hand but the second passed and they were on their way again, going in opposite directions, going towards different destinations, living their own lives. 

this is requested by thequeen-and-theduchess