Lia was sitting on the borrowed bed in her best friend’s dorm and having an internal battle. To like or not to like, that was the question. She twirled her pen between her fingers and thought about the pros and the cons of possibly listening to her heart and telling him how she felt. Wait. That was implying she already felt that way. She smacked her head and tried to think.

            He was a good three years younger and even though they were basically as best friends as they could be, she didn’t know how this turn of feelings could be taken. She thought herself above liking a boy younger than her but apparently Junhong was different. He could be like a kid, but sometimes, he made her feel like the child.

            She let out a frustrated groan and tapped her legs against the mattress. Her friend turned around from the desk with a raised eyebrow and Lia was very aware of the other pair of eyes on her as both her best friend and her roommate scrutinized her.

            “Guys, help me.”

            They shifted and focused on her. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

            She started gesturing wildly with her hands because that was what she did when she was thinking. “I may or may not like someone.” She said it vaguely, hoping that they would ask for more details and not automatically jump to conclusions. But, of course when it came to her best friend, that never happens. Jill immediately raised an eyebrow.

            “Who is it? Junhong?”

            Lia swallowed and nodded quickly, a dip of the head, not really acknowledging but enough for both of them to sigh a little too quickly for her liking. “What?” Now she was on the defensive. She had said she was unsure, didn’t she?

            “Girl, he’s three years younger than you!” was Jill’s roommate’s reply and she frowned. That was her problem too. Age was just a number, but that was such a lie when she was only a college student, and he, well he wasn’t. Yet.

***

            In another dorm on the fourth floor, Junhong was dangling off Daehyun’s bed. The double was crowded because there were currently six occupants in the room and each were lounging around, staring intently at the computer screen. “Shoot there!” Youngjae shouted and guided his character forward.

            “Hey Hyung?” he called out randomly. One of them was sure to respond. There was no acknowledgement. “Someone help me?”

            Daehyun let out a frustrated screech and moved away from the computer. “Ugh, one more move and I would have kicked him right off. What?”

            Junhong was holding himself in a precarious way, and the blood was rushing to his head as he stared at the ceiling. He righted himself when he felt himself getting ready and frowned. “I have a problem.”

            Slowly, each one of them turned to look at the youngest among them. “What’s up?”

            “I may or may not like someone.”

            Daehyun nearly spat out the water he was drinking. “Is it someone from your high school? I thought you said all those girls were iffy.”

            “She’s not in high school.”

            “Are you robbing the cradle?” This accusation came from Youngjae who was staring at him suspiciously. “You can’t possibly like someone from middle school.”

            “Of course not. It’s Noona.”

            There was only one person who he called that, without adding the name in front of the honorific and Yongguk coughed. “Well, you know there’s nothing wrong with liking an older woman.”

            Junhong flopped down properly on the bed, his long arms nearly slapping Jongup in the face. “Yeah and she’s here right now. I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot. She’s really comfortable for me to be around and she listens to me well. Even though she takes care of me a lot, I feel like I can protect her.”

            Daehyun cringed. “It’ll be so weird if you start dating. I hope double dating isn’t a thing nowadays. I don’t think I’d be able to stomach it.”

            He shot the older boy a rather nasty look. “I can’t even figure out how I really feel and you’re already thinking about dating. I can’t decide whether this is just a feeling of wanting to be treated well and comfort or if I really like her.”

            “Can you see yourself dating her and being happy about it?” Himchan asked.

***

            “What’s your conflict?”

            Lia thought about the question. “Well his age has a large part to do with it, and sometimes I wonder if it’s just maternal instinct. Like I see him and see someone I can take care of. But there are times where he would hold my hand and I think about how nice it would be to have him look after me too.”

            Jill tapped her cheek thoughtfully and resumed typing her essay. “I say you may like him. You don’t like people easily, and for you to even consider it, I think you do.”

            “But I can’t tell him. Then I’ll have to think of a way to never see him again.”

            “Which won’t be happening considering how you’re so close and I’m dating Dae.”

            “Right. So should I just never tell him? Because I know he doesn’t like me.”

            “You can’t be so sure of that. He always seems so different around you. I say you go give it a try.”

            Lia sighed. “I’ll just go upstairs, knock on the door, and tell him and run back down. Then you can comfort me and keep the door closed from anyone who tries to come in.”

            Her best friend laughed and pumped her fist in the air. “Go for it.”

            She got off the bed and took a deep breath. She grabbed ahold of the door handle and turned it.

***

            “Should I tell her?” They had been talking about the same topic for over twenty minutes and the longer they talked, the more Junhong wanted to tell her. Maybe if he got it off his chest, then he could move on. His hyungs could help him deal with rejection.

            “I say go for it. Go downstairs, knock on the door, and tell her. Stay a little to hear what she has to say because if she’s going to reject you, then you need to know that too.” This was Yongguk’s advice. Junhong nodded slowly and listened carefully.

            “You don’t need to rehearse anything. Just tell her. You don’t need an elaborate explanation. You don’t need any of that. Just tell her what you feel, no need for reasons. Good luck!”

            He nodded firmly and got off the bed. He took a deep breath and stretched a little to try and relax himself. Then he grabbed the door handle and turned it.

this is for epiphany-- and my best friend

I'm sorry for using her name but she's special