I inched a little further back against the wall, pressing my entire back firmly against it. The shadows continued to move and I swayed with it, entranced. One gnarled hand came towards me and my vision became blurry as I tried to breathe. My heart was pounding and so was my head.        

            I closed my eyes, just wanting to be taken by sleep. I just needed some release but nothing came. Instead, my senses were on hyper alert as I pictured all the things that could be waiting for me. I swallowed and tried to close off my ears as well.

            I felt something cold creeping up my arm and immediately started. But when I looked, it was just a shadow of the tree branch that was thrown in sharp relief due to the moon. A sigh escaped my lips before I curled deeper into myself. It was only when the loud ticking of my clock registered that I realized I should probably sleep on my bed. Maybe that would be more comfortable.

            I slowly got up and felt a thousand eyes staring at me from behind, from the walls and was reminded harshly of the proverb that walls had ears. Maybe there was someone stuck between them, listening to my every movement. The thought scared me and I quickly got into bed, pulling the covers over me. I squeezed my eyes shut but now I could hear someone moving, sliding behind the plaster. I didn’t want to breathe in case it gave away my location.

            Most importantly, I tried to sleep. I knew the best way to fall asleep was to make my mind blank. I focused on a white piece of paper, filling my head. But shadows keep falling on it and if I concentrated hard enough, I could see tendrils of blood red swirls seeping through the paper.

            I gasped and opened my eyes again. Somehow, the sky outside was being lit. I could see that the shadows were lessening. My heart was pounding and I winced as if I’d been hit over the head. I swallowed hard and rolled onto my side. Too late, I remembered that once I exposed my back, something could get to me. I turned back again and tried to fall asleep.

            I prayed, something I haven’t done in months. I muttered all the lyrics to a recent song I had listened to and reached for my phone. The time lit up on the screen. Three more hours until the morning. I sighed and placed my head back on the pillow.

            There was something that finally calmed me down. I was able to breathe easier but my mind was still alert. I huddled under my blankets, doing breathing exercises until when I looked again, it was finally nine. I got up slowly and the sun shone through the window. Everything was alright again. That is, until I had to go out and face the world. I slipped on my flip flops and walked over to the calendar. I picked up a red marker and drew another heavy X through last night.

            It was officially day five with no sleep.

            The postman was there when I got down to the living room. I didn’t want to see him but he was knocking on my door. “Himchan! You have a package.” I let out a curse. Who would be sending me things?

            I opened the door cautiously and stared at him. He was smiling, overly friendly. Immediately, I fell back. I have learned to be suspicious of people who smiled with all their teeth showing. I wanted to close the door but he was holding it open. All my fears from last night came over me and I wanted to breathe. I couldn’t breathe. I was tired. My head was spinning. My heart hurt.

            My hands were trembling when he held out the pad for me to sign. I wanted him to leave. I needed to sleep. I need to be alone. I shut the door and I knew he was wondering what was wrong with me. I didn’t care. I needed time to myself.

            I gasped slightly, gulping in air. I rummaged through my cabinets. I needed to find my sleeping pills. I needed to sleep. It was so hard trying to test myself. And it was only after the water slipped down my throat with the pill that I let out a sigh of relief. Sleep would be a blissful release.

            Even though it has been months since he’s left me, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t get his gummy smile, his laughter, his gentle way out of my head. I shook and I wanted to feel his arms around me one more time. My voice broke and I reached out for thin air. “Yongguk, come back, please.” But even a mentally drained insomniac knows; the dead can never be revived.

this is for MusicChibi

you wanted insomnia and it works well. one of my exes suffered from extreme insomnia and so I was drawing a lot from experience. Sorry, I forgot to click update. LOL it was done like four hours ago ;; 

It turned into Banghim for some reason...