Chapter 62

Jaejoong stared at the key chain in his hand. He lightly slapped himself & uttered a soft oath. With a of his lips, he plunged the key into her apartment doorknob & turned it. The key fell back into his pockets restlessly as he lifted his right hand to open the door. Jaejoong peeked in & heard a soft cry from her bedroom. He grimaced, took a step in & closed the door lightly behind him. With some long strides, he reached her bedroom door & fell lighthearted at the scene.

Jessica was crying & packing her stuff at the same time while holding onto the phone. He swallowed guiltily as she wiped her tears away with her hands. Her back was towards him. She brought up the phone, seeing if it will ring any second. Jaejoong whispered something under his breath. Jessica had been waiting for him to call her all along. How stupid can he get, thinking that she will never answer the phone like every other woman when he cheated on her?!

She threw the phone down on the bed & flung a green buttoned split turtleneck tunic sweater into the suitcase. With a wail, she covered her face & sunk onto her bed. He blinked gradually in remorse. Why should he be regretting? He had already made the bargain with Yuri. Was it just regret that he had cheated on Yuri & then breaking his promise to Jessica of marrying her? He whined inwardly. Regret was everything that he had done.

“Jessica.”

She suddenly turned at the soft whisper of her name. Her eyes narrowed on him & she turned back away. Raising from the bed once again, Jessica started her packing over.

“Will you listen to me?” He asked, walking up to her but then, stopping five feet away, “I won’t say it’s not what you are thinking but it is what you are thinking.”

Jessica turned to look over her shoulder with tears, “You are back in love with your ex-wife?”

Jaejoong bit his bottom lips, “Well, not exactly that. We.” She turned back to her packing. His shoulders dropped, “Can you stop packing & listen to me?”

She wailed then & threw a charcoal grey cowl neck poncho into the suitcase. Turning around sharply, she glared at him through her tears, “I had never thought that you will cheat on me, Jae Oppa.”

He grimaced & then took a step forward. Just seeing her cry made his heart ache but not so completely as he had wanted, too. He wanted to wipe those tears away but then, he wasn’t sure Yuri would be alright with it, even though she wasn’t there to see.

“I can’t marry you, Sica. I’m sorry for breaking that promise & I’m sorry for hurting you so unexpectedly.” He began, “But once in a while, you will have to take in what can happen so abruptly. I didn’t cheat on you exactly.”

Jessica shook her head motionlessly, “Then what did you call that with your ex-wife? You two were kissing, Oppa. I see it in front of my own eyes.”

“We didn’t kiss.” He whispered, “We...We were about, too.”

“But I interrupted, right?”

Admittedly, Jaejoong nodded, “It was going to be a kiss for the bargain she & I had made.”

Her brows met in the middle, “Bargain?”

He again, nodded jerkily, “The bargain is only made because of Hyunnie. You saw how sick he was, Sica.” She just stared unbelievably at him, “I...I asked Yuri to remarry me when you were still in San Francisco. I don’t love her. The only reason I asked her to remarry me was because of Hyunnie’s sake.” He popped his knuckles, “Yuri refused me & came back to the states. She said that she will only marry for love but that, we didn’t have. Well, you know, she went back to the states & Hyunnie caught that fever again, & now, seeing that how Hyunnie looks without both parents together, she’s willing to remarry me again, for his behalf. Not for love, Sica.”

“& you are willing to throw this wedding away because of Hyunnie? You are willing to throw this love that we have together away to marry your ex-wife again, because of your son?”

Somewhat, at her spoken words, his face turned dark with anger & shame. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be irritated because he had caused the problem but he had thought that she understood everything he did for Taehyun. His eyes narrowed in bafflement. She had sounded so incautious.

“Yes.” He worded, “I will do that for my son.”

Her glared turned into an astonishment stare, “You don’t love me anymore?”

He let out a breath of desperation, “I love you, Jessica, but at this time, I can’t marry you. I need to do what’s best for my family. Yuri & Hyunnie are my family.”

Not understanding completely, Jessica shook her head. She wiped her tears away but more kept coming. With her head throbbing, she lightly pressed her long fingers against her temples.

“You do understand this, don’t you, Jessica?” He asked tenderly. Uncorrupted, she shook her head. Again, he sighed in desperation, “I knew you wouldn’t understand this like those lasts facts. I’m really sorry for breaking the wedding off at such near time okay? I really am.”

They were in silence until Jessica squinted her eyes in regrets, “I should had never cheated with you, knowing that you were married.” He didn’t reject that saying. She fidgeted uncomfortably, “I should had known how deeply it is to be hurt. I should had never hurtled Yuri.”

“We both did, Sica.” He said in an undertone.

“But...But I’m too in love with you to let you go, Oppa!” She wailed again, & wipe her tears away. Jaejoong oath another fouled word.

“I’m really sorry, Sica. Really, but please understand me. Please understand that I have to do this for Hyunnie’s welfare. I don’t want him to go into anymore enigma because of me. I want to be a responsible daddy he really longed for such a long time. I need to spend everyday with him, not just every other month because of a joint custody. What I really want is for you to understand me before I can go on with that life.” He paused. She didn’t speak. He raked a hand through his hair.

“Sica, I still love you but.” He trailed off, & started over again, “I wasn’t never really happy.”

She looked up from fidgeting. Two questioned brows narrowed on her face. He yelled within. Was this really necessary to tell her how he had lived without Yuri in those four years? For christ’s sake. He didn’t want her to feel any worse than she is now but damn! He had already let it out unwillingly.

“Wha...What do you mean?” She hesitated to say, “Do I not make you happy? Is it because I’m always away?”

“Sica, please…”

“What is it that I didn’t make you happy enough? Was it because I couldn’t make any funny joke? I...I did really try but I…”

“No, Sica.” Jaejoong had suddenly walked up & grabbed her by the shoulders. He shook her a bit, “You didn’t do anything or can’t do anything not to make my life happy. I was happy but just not completely. I...I just felt out of place after Yuri left. You were perfect but Yuri had taken three-fourth of me with her when she left for the states. There was only a fourth left & I still need to find that three-fourth that she had stolen from me. I haven’t found it yet & I need to now. It’s important to me. It really is.”

She covered in shock. Feeling like comforting her & feeling like he needed to stay away from her, Jaejoong cursed himself. He relaxed his hands a little from her shoulder & closed his eyes. Damn the lord, he was being rude! She needed his comfort now. Finally, he circled his arms around her, bringing her close into his chest. She wept while pounding his chest effortlessly at the same time.

“I was a fool to think that you were happy all the while.” She cried, onto his chest, “I was wrong. I had stolen your life away from that complete happiness. Why did you leave Yuri for me then if you couldn’t find any happiness at all? You could had still gone back to her, even when you two were divorce. She could had forgiven you.”

& he was a fool to not go back to Yuri.

“I don’t know.” He said, after a while of silence, “I guess I didn’t want to hurt you so fast. It wasn’t your fault at all. I did what I thought was right.” But nothing was right. He chuckled so mirthlessly, “Yuri would had never forgiven me. She isn’t the kind of woman who can forgive & forget that easily. Besides.” He pulled back, “I thought those happiness would come on later.”

“But it never did.” She said, & turned around.

“I guess it didn’t.” He admitted.

“You hid it good.”

He shook his head, “I was being ruthless to you & myself & I’m sorry for that, too.”

Jessica neatly then folded the black crepe jersey sleeveless dress that she had thrown into the suitcase. Her tears still were coming but she was too busy to wipe them away for now as she kept on packing. Suddenly, as being awakened again, Jaejoong gently took a hold of her wrist. Jessica looked up & into his eyes.

“Where are you planning to go?”

“Home.” She replied simply, with a shaking voice. Now, she knew how much it hurts to be cheated on like Yuri had. She should had never came to Korea, “My dad still needs help around the house, even though with a personal nurse & my sister needs me.”

He nodded & slowly let her arm go free. She had said that but she looked totally lost. She looked like a child trying to find her way back home from the dark forest & he, he was the wolf who was chasing after her like a mad animal.

“Sica, I will go…”

“No.” She quickly said, knowing what he was getting to, “I can tell them this by myself.” He whined inwardly. Her family had never cared about her getting marry. They had never care about the wedding being turn over. He opened his mouth to detests but she beat him to it, “I’m sure I can take it.” She let out a breath, “I’m positive.” She turned to look at him, “They will understand because I do.”

He smiled faintly then, “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She brushed the dried tears away from her cheeks. None came down anymore. Only her eyes shined when alert of her tears came down from her eyes & onto her cheeks, “I want you to be happy.”

“I’m sorry.” He said in a hushed tone.

“I understand that you are sorry but what for? Canceling the wedding? Or are you sorry because you made the wrong choice of choosing me in the first place?”

“Both.” He whispered, “Both.”

Her eyes glittered again, at his answer & regretting that she had asked him. Brushing her hot tears away, she her wet pink lips, “& I’m sorry, too.”

He clenched his jaw, “You shouldn’t be.”

“Well.” Jessica uttered, “I am.” She closed her suitcase with a hard snap. Jaejoong closed his eyes as if the sound had hurtled him.

This was so much like that day he had divorced Yuri but he didn’t cry in front of Jessica. He had shed his tears unashamed & in front of Yuri.

“Goodbye, Oppa.” She stood in front of him, just one & a half feet away.

He smiled faintly again, “Bye. I hope you find the one that loves you more then me. I don’t deserve you.”

She brought a moody & silent smile up, “Thank you. I wish you & Yuri the best of luck but if.” She trailed off. Jaejoong speechlessly nodded & turned around like a dead body. Walking into the living room, he opened the door with a light grip. He swallowed.

“Wait, Oppa.” It was Jessica. He didn’t turn around but listened, “I still love you. If things don’t work out between you & Yuri, I’m still waiting for you.”

He breathed out some air. Not nodding or responding to her confession, Jaejoong walked out & closed the door. He appreciated her offer but the bargain with Yuri; he wasn’t planning on breaking it this time.