Chapter 98

Her eyes flashed open with her heart pacing. She tried to slow her breathing down. Was that a dream? She slowly brought her hands up & placed it over her forehead. Blinking, the weight from her belly had disappeared. She gasped invisibly. Her left hand shaking from beside her body, it slowly moved up towards her stomach. The curve of her waist & then the flatness of her belly. A small cry came out from between her lips.

It wasn’t a dream.

“My baby.”

Yuri sat up quickly. A sharp pain cracked through her system. She gasped & suddenly lay back down, “My baby.”

“Yul.” She turned her head, seeing her husband quickly getting up from an uncomfortable chair. He dashed over & took her hands before taking the chair beside the bed. A tear slid down the side of her eye & another followed. He sighed & pressed a hard kiss on her forehead. When he looked back down at her, she studied his face. All dead sign.

“Why does this have to happen to me?” Yuri cried, “Where did they put my baby at?” Her tears started to come down uncomfortably. Her lips trembled with every word she uttered shakily. As a sharp pain hit her again, she groaned loudly, “It hurts.”

Jaejoong placed one of his hands over the side of her broken rib, “I know & I’m so sorry.”

Yuri shook her head, trying to press her lips together. She brought her hands up & held him by his neck collar, “Where did they put my baby? Where did they put her, Jae Oppa? Where?” She shook him hard, “Tell me? Please?”

He let her shake him, heartbroken. She had suddenly & unexpectedly called him that. Why at such a time? Why at such a state? Why now?

She cried out in a yell, letting go of his black geoffrey beene non-iron sateen solid dress shirt. Her hands pulled on her hair. She screamed over & over. Jaejoong cursed. Now wasn’t the time to think about it, “Yul.” He tried to stop her from pulling her hair & failed several times. When she groaned again, from the crackling pain, he undid the knots that had been tied about her fingers & pulled her hands together. Another scream from her pierced his ear, “It’s alright, hon.”

“Why did you have to come? Why did you have to think that I was cheating on you? Why are you so careless? Why?” Her words came to an endless tone, “I want my baby. I want her, Oppa.” She turned her head & buried her facing into the pillow, refusing to cry but yet, she couldn’t stop.

He leaned down & circled his arms around her weak body. With his face near her, he blinked meekly & said, “I want her, too.” He pressed his lips near her ear over her hair, “Blame me, Yul. Blame me. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” He breathed through his nose calmly, “It was my fault. I should have just stay at the restaurant & waited for you. I should have never been such an arrogant man.” He closed his eyes tightly, “You weren’t cheating on me. I was stupid to think of that. I know you will never do a thing like that.” He paused, “I love you very much.”

She tried to soak in her cries, making it hard for her to breathe. He raised his head & tilted her face upwards, “I’m so happy that you are still with me.”

She shook her head violently. Then she tempted to get up without matter of how much the pain was causing. Alerted, Jaejoong tried to hold her down, “Don’t try to get up. You are hurt.”

“I want to see her.” She pushed at his chest weakly, “Take me to her, Oppa, please?”

“Lie back down.” He said, shaking his head, “Come on, Yul, you are hurt badly. I don’t want you to get worst.”

“Then take me to her.” She tempted to get out of his grasps but he held her, “Stop holding me if you won’t. I want to see her. She wants to see me, too. I’m her mother. She needs her mother. She’s crying, Oppa. She needs me.” Vicki dug her nails into his skin, trying hard to control herself, “Why are you trying to stop me?! Do you not want me to see her?!” She cried loudly, “You are mean, Oppa! You are so mean! Let me go! I said, let me go!”

He gritted his teeth together, trying so hard not to let the threatening tears come down, “You will see her soon, Yul. Just lie down for me. I will call for the doctor & then you will be in good health. How about that?”

She shook her head again, “You are lying to me. Why do you have to be a liar?” Her nails loosened its holding, “She’s not with us anymore. She’s not, is she?” Yuri meekly hit her forehead against his chest & buried her face into his shirt, “Am I barren?” She mumbled, through her cries.

“What?” Jaejoong breathed out, shocked to his nerves.

“Am I barren?” She mumbled, louder & heavier.

He exhaled in a ponderous breath, “We will talk…”

“Am I barren, Oppa? Tell me. Dammit, tell me!”

His stare turned into nothing, only focusing on one particular spot on the wall. All his hurt of the unbearable news. All his time of thinking of how he was going to tell her about it. All his strength of living through the news from yesterday. Now, he didn’t need to tell her but only to give her the answer. Is she barren? Jesus christ, he had wanted more children. Why did everything uncontrollable have to happen to them? Why was everything going so unlike his likeness? Why this?

“Tell…”

“Yes.” Jaejoong uttered quickly, not wanting to discuss about it, “Lie back down now please? We will talk about this later sometime when you are feeling better.” He felt her strength slowing down. Kissing her forehead, he slowly & carefully laid her back down on the bed. She had her eyes closed tightly, maybe trying to think that she hadn’t heard correctly. She soothed her bruised cheek, “It’s going to be alright.” He stopped hesitantly, “I will go call the doctor. You stay right here & don’t try to get up alright? Don’t try to hurt yourself, too. I will be back quickly with the doctor & your family. They really want to see you & hear you talk again.” He tried to smile, “I will be back. I promise.”

She heard his footsteps lightly walking away. When the door closed, her eyes deliberately open. She swallowed thickly, her hands moving back to touch the flatness of where her unborn baby used to exist. A bold tear fell down the side of her eyes. She pressed her lips together, begging them not to tremble. Now she was barren forever for life for the foolishness she had caused. Will her unborn baby ever forgive her? Will the babies for the future she was going to birth ever going to forgive her? How will she forgive herself for being barren?

Yuri turned her head as the door opened. Doyeon. She can see him trying to smile but the corner of his lips were trembling. She lifted her wrist & waved a bit. He shook his head & walked on further into the room. Following, her parents appeared. Doyeon gathered her hand into his, his eyes shining with thankfulness that she was alright after all.

“Hey, Yuri.”

“Hey.” Yuri whispered, another tear falling down her cheek while her mother brushed it away with a caress, “How do you feel, darling? Are you hungry? I brought you a cup of beef & radish soup. It’s cold now but I can go to the hospital kitchen & heat it up. How about that?”

“I’m fine, mom. I’m not hungry at all.”

Mrs. Kwon shook her head, “No, I know you are hungry. You look so pale. So unlike my daughter.” She touched the bruised cheek, “How did you get so skinny in just three days, huh? You hadn’t eaten at all.” Her reddened eyes started to spill tears, “I will be back with that soup. You lie still alright? I will be back.” She brushed away the thick tear & quickly got up before her daughter can stop her.

Yuri bit her lips together, hard. She looked up at her father, his face as dead as his wife. Had they not been sleeping at all? “Hi, dad.”

“Hello, dear.” He said, nodding his head, “You are mother’s been worry sick about you. She can be over caring too much sometimes so don’t worry about it. You just eat what she gives you.” He took in a sigh, hoping that his daughter didn’t see it, “I’m sorry. I know you really want another baby but we are all just happy that you made it out alive. You are strong.” He nodded again, “Get well soon. Your son is at home just waiting to see his mommy again.”

“Hyunnie.” It came out as a choking voice. Her son. How could she had forgotten about him? The son that have always comfort her. God, she needed him now. It will be so darling to hear his squeaky voice again, “Where is he? Did he not come?”

“Mina will bring him here tonight. He’s been asking about you every second.”

“Well, I’m glad that you are awake, Mrs. Kim.” Yuri turned her head, spotting the doctor walking towards her.

“Hi, Dr. Chang.”

“Hello to you, too.” He made a small grunting sound as he glanced through the papers on the clipboard, “How do you feel?”

“The same as every woman feels when she loses her baby.”

He peered down at her through his glasses. Staring at her determined face for something, he nodded his head after a few seconds, “Okay, Mrs. Kim. I see that you are alright. Nurse Sangmin will just do a quick check up on your blood now.” He waved for the nurse behind him to walk forward & do her job while quickly writing down a few notes, “I will be back to give you a few more checkups. You have a broken rib on your left side which is better than two are. Approximately, it will heal in less than three weeks. Your twisted ankle will heal in a week & your back, thankfully, is only bruised.”

He peered down at her again, “Your husband had volunteered to give you your physical training which is very unappreciated in hospital terms of physical training but he insisted.” The doctor swung the clipboard to his side, “I hope you feel better Mrs. Kim. It’s the only way you will be able to get out of the hospital &.” He glanced up at Doyeon & Mr. Kwon, “I suspect your husband had told you the news yet?”

“He had.” Yuri whispered, after swallowing.

Dr. Chang grimaced unwillingly. With each appointment they had had together, no more couple would have want a baby more than the pair, “I really wish to serve as your doctor more, Mrs. Kim. You might be barren but there is always a miracle.” He gave a reassuring nod, “Have a good day.” He left then, along with the nurse.

Mrs. Kwon came in with the bowl of soup. With each spoonful she swallowed, an urge of tear she felt as if she was swallowing more. Where was her husband? She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to hear him. She didn’t want to sense him but she wasn’t blaming him. If one was blaming oneself, she was blaming herself for being a fool to run down the stairs. He was careful with her but she wasn’t careful with herself. She killed her own baby.

One child with him wasn’t enough. She wanted another & another until her life ended itself. This one, the first that Jaejoong should had seen coming out of her, was the one she wanted, the one she wanted to share with him. The joy she wanted him to have was destroyed. How could she possibly ever see him holding a bottle to their baby’s lips? How could she ever see him changing a baby’s diaper? How could she live on with him knowing that they would never again, have another child together?

She was a fool, a fool to run away at an argument. To face him again, was to think of the lost baby. To face him again, was to see him blaming himself. To face him again, she didn’t want to.

“Mommy.”

Little but fast footsteps ran towards the bed. Yuri turned her head from swallowing another spoonful of soup & saw Jaejoong taking a quick hold of their son before he tried to climb up the bed. He took Taehyun into his arms & walked over to the bed. She met his tired eyes but quickly angled to meet her son’s happy smiles, “Mommy. Hello.” He wriggled to get down onto the bed but Jaejoong held him tight. Bending his head down, he whispered words into Taehyun’s ear that silenced his wriggling, “Hello, mommy.” He repeated, once more but with more calmness & obeying tone to it. Relaxing, Jaejoong set him down lightly by the bedside, knowing well that Taehyun wouldn’t do anything further as in jumping onto his mommy’s lap.

Yuri smiled, a bit sad & a bit thoughtful. She tried to sit up against the pillow & succeeded after pushing Jaejoong’s helpful hands away. She reached her arms out, indicting for him to come forward. He pouted, “Mommy sick.”

“Come & give me a kiss, sweetheart.”

He pouted more, took a look at his daddy & then said, “Where is baby, mommy?” His lips trembled as if he was going to cry. He made a movement, touching Yuri’s flat stomach, “Where is sister, mommy?”

Looking lost, Yuri brought her head up to look at Jaejoong. She searched his eyes. He sighed, looked down & angled his face away from her. Dry lips parted, Yuri gazed at her son again. Jaejoong hadn’t told him by the look of his face. Who did?

“Mommy, where is sister? Is she sleeping? Daddy?” Taehyun said, looking up at Jaejoong, “Show me baby?” Jaejoong swallowed thickly. He pressed his fist against his lips. Perspiration formed on his forehead, although the room was cool. He blinked several times, feeling threatening tears coming to his eyes. With one soft curse under his breath, he stalked out of the room ungovernably.

“Here you go.” Mr. Kwon said, picking Taehyun up into his arms, “We will go for a little stroll outside in the garden. There, you can catch little butterflies.”

“But gramps, mommy sick. Hyunnie stay with mommy.” He attempted to get down.

“But your mommy needs some rest. I will buy you some ice cream, how about that?” He walked out of the room, detesting the little guy’s revolts.

Yuri lied back into her sleeping position, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. She blinked restlessly. A touch caressed her elbow. Bring her hand up, she buried her face into her palm, hiding her mournful tears. Taehyun’s gleefulness of getting a sibling will never happen. His sister was lost.