The day we actually sat down with a pen and paper was my birthday. I told Jiyong that it would be a better present than anything he could buy me, although he still insisted on buying my gown.

"Getting married is a serious thing, Ji." I said for the millionth time.

"I know, I know, but do we have to plan everything right now?"

"Not everything, but we have to start somewhere! There's lots to consider. Where is it gonna be? When is it gonna be? Who is gonna be there? Will it be a traditional wedding or a non-traditional wedding? And that's just the beginning!"

"Wow."

"You see why I'm stressing?"

There was a pause and then Ji said quietly, "No, not really."

"Look—"

"I understand that you want this to be the perfect night, but it doesn't really matter to me." he interrupted.

I don't know why, but I felt stings of tears at my eyes. "If you didn't want to get married, then why the hell did you propose?!" I yelled, surprising myself.

"What do you mean 'If I didn't want to get married'?" he shouted back.

"Well it seems like you couldn't care any less!"

"You're misunderstanding me!"

"I'm misunderstanding no one! It's clear as day that you don't want to get married. I would've appreciated it better if you told it to my face." I stood up briskly and stormed out of the room, my own room. I ran out the door to the parking lot and got into my own car. I really didn't care where I was going, I just had to go somewhere, so I stepped on the pedal.

He was being unreasonable. We needed to be in this together, didn't we? Was I overreacting? Maybe just a little, but I have a right to be angry. If he doesn't want to marry me, he should just say so. It was too good to be true anyway. This whole situation was distracting. 

***

The white lights blinded me, but at the same time, it was too dark. I felt dizzy and stiff. Like a broken whole. That described it perfectly. I was whole and missing nothing but I was broken, pretty much everywhere.

When my eyelids flickered open and