It was almost 11 months when the inevitable happened.

I don't remember ever crying so hard in my life. Not even while I was with Jiyong-ssi, who at the moment was serving his military duties. He had just gone a month ago and caused a big uproar. He and Taeyang-ssi left at the same time and TOP-oppa, I learned later on, left the day after I last saw him.

But back to Junghwa-oppa, I don't think I got out of the house for days. I didn't eat, or sleep or move, really. I cried night and day and my heart ached.

It was a full two weeks before I could get myself to do anything, and anything I took to doing. First I started with a mini sign-off video for our subscribers who were getting worried because we weren't updating.

I made it a tribute to him. No one knew, of course, that he was dying. Even I sometimes forgot, he was always full of life.

"Hello. It's just me today." I started. "Excuse my face and hair, I don't have the motivation to do anything right now. In fact, this will be my last video."

I explained to them his condition. From the first opening on, I only used my audio. I put pictures of him and us in slideshow format. I retold my best memories of him, and a little bit of our worst. During our 11 months together, we never fought once.

"I knew it all along. I knew it would happen, I just never wanted to accept the truth." I concluded, switching back to video. "Oppa, seni seviyorum..!" ("I love you", in Turkish) I ma