Captain’s POV

I look at the clock above the TV and it indicated that it’s already quarter to 3 am and I am still wide awake. I keep on moving to different sides of my bed and I am a bit worried that P’Gun will wake up because we decided to move our beds beside each other. Since Ai’Kris slept over, P’Gun complained that we keep on moving our beds again and again so we decided to keep it this way.

I sigh again and move to the other side facing P’Gun but I almost jump off my bed when I saw P’Gun looking at me with tired eyes, “Seriously—Ai’Cap,” he said half awake. I look at him apologetically, “Sorry na khrab, P’Gun,” I said because I know I will be the cause of his sleepless night too. His eyes are half closing and half opening and he keeps on drifting to sleep then opening them, “P’, you can sleep now~” I said softly because there’s something that I only know that other people don’t know about my P’Gun.

He shook his head, “What’s wrong na khrab?” he asked me with his unusual serious tone. The secret is—when P’Gun is half awake—that’s the time that P’Gun is rational. Meaning, if you talk to him now—it will be a whole new different world of P’Gun that you will discover. I sigh again and move a bit closer to him, his eyes are still half open, “P’—what should I do na khrab,” I started and he sigh too, “About what? You need to tell me first na khrab the problem,” he mumbled and I know he is close to sleeping again—or not. This part of P’Gun is still a mystery to me.

“You see—P’—I think—I am being paranoid na khrab,” I said honestly because it’s P’Gun. People will always look lowly at my P’ because of how he views the world and how he talks but I always look up at P’Gun, “When White and I started dating na khrab—I am very aware that many people like him because he is smart na khrab—and has good personality—and very sweet,” P’Gun opens his eyes again and nod again and again, “Maybe too sweet na khrab. He sometimes makes me wonder na Ai’ if he spit words coming straight from pantip na khrab~” see, P’Gun catches up pretty fast when he is half awake.

[pantip – it’s like a website where you can post questions and stories anonymously. It’s very famous in Thailand.]

I shook my head again, “Yes na khrab P’ but that part of him makes me love him more na khrab, but P’—I am not the only one that can see that part of him na khrab. People are also recognizing White na khrab and I don’t like the feeling I have in my chest when I feel—” “Jealous?” and P’Gun finished my statement. I nod my head even though P’ and I are just both lying on our beds and just looking at each other, “I don’t know na khrab P’. Sometime I wonder if it’s still me.” I confessed feeling down that I cannot figure out what’s happening to me.

P’Gun tried his best to open his eyes, “You are you na khrab Ai’Cap. You are my brother na khrab that will do everything for his brothers. You don’t need to change yourself or to even feel frustrated na khrab—” his eyes flutter open then closes it after some seconds, “Ai’White loves you and I don’t think I need to remind you how much he does Ai’Cap. Now, you also need to embrace na khrab your imperfections—and besides—” then he opens them again, “Being jealous na khrab isn’t bad—knowing Ai’White, he might be over the rainbow already when he finds out that Ai’Captain is jealous of those people na khrab who are looking at him these days,” somehow this super early morning conversation is making me feel better.

I smile and suddenly put my hand on P’Gun’s head, “Thank you na khrab P’Gun. I hate it when someone is taking advantage of you na khrab because you are a bit oblivious na khrab. I hope—you are this rational when you are conscious na khrab P’.” I said while patting his head again and again. P’Gun’s eyes are slowly closing, “Ai’Cap, your P’Gun will try not to be oblivious na khrab—or maybe—I just need to face my feelings too na khrab—and stop being confused with—P’~” but before P’Gun even finish what he is saying, he is already in dream land. Part of me is glad that he didn’t say anything that will be a spoiler of his future because I want P’Gun—the real P’Gun—my slow witted P’Gun to realized how he feels and be brave enough to face it.

“Fan dee na khrab, P’Gun~”

[fan dee na khrab – sweet dreams in Thai]

The next morning, P’Gun didn’t remember what he told me and he wasn’t sure why he is so tired and sleepy. The whole morning class until lunch break, P’ keeps on complaining about his restlessness while I just stick with White and stared at my P’. “Do you want to sleep first na khrab in practice room na Ai’Gun?” that’s probably one of the longest statement that P’Title said and that’s all because he looks worried for P’Gun.

P’ shakes his head, “I am okay—” he yawns, “Na khrab, Ai’Title,” which I don’t understand why. P’ should take a rest by now, “Why don’t you like to sleep more na khrab Ai’Gun? You said you are sleepy na khrab but you don’t want to sleep na khrab—why are you confusing na Ai’?” P’Plan has his brows close to each other because he doesn’t understand P’Gun.

White on the other hand looks so busy beside me. I know we should be spending time together, eating lunch together, but he keeps on writing something on his notebook which makes me a bit irritated. I am also lack of sleep, “Ai’Mean, can you send on my email na khrab our lesson? I think I missed out some parts of it na khrab,” White said without looking at P’Mean. What I don’t understand the most, P’Mean looks more chill and relax but they are both having the same amount of papers to finish, “You need to stop for a while na khrab Ai’White,” see, even P’Mean noticed it.

I tried moving a bit to focus on my meal, “We don’t have all the time na khrab Ai’Mean. We still have business Math to finish na khrab and English,” hearing more of his paper work makes me want to grab his notes right now and run away with it. I am being childish but what can I do? “Ai’Cap~” suddenly I look up to see P’Gun smiling at me, “You look tired too na—” he yawns, “Kharb~ Do you want to take a rest in the practice room too?” I don’t know why. Is it about P’Gun’s smile? Or the way he talks to me? I am not sure but instantly, I abandoned my food and stand up, “Okay na khrab P’—let’s go~” I said cheerfully and I am not surprise when P’Plan stands up too and P’Gun grabs the key to P’Title.

I am being childish I know—I didn’t even say good bye to White. While the three of us are walking, P’Plan suddenly say something that somehow shocked me, “It’s hard na khrab—right Ai’Cap?” but I don’t want to assume that P’ really understands because with P’Gun and P’Plan, I set my expectation low already because I know how simple they both think, “Hard?” I asked confusedly but P’Gun chuckled, “Hard na khrab—having a boyfriend na Ai’Cap,” and somehow it felt like I am talking to half-awake P’Gun.

We climb up the stairs and some people from our college are looking at us because we need to admit—we are famous because of our band, “Why did you ask me that—P’?” I asked him back still shocked. P’Plan answered this time, “We noticed that you aren’t looking at Ai’White na khrab,” and P’Gun followed after, “You weren’t also eating a lot na khrab this lunch so I whispered to Ai’Plan that maybe you are sick or something na khrab because you usually eat a lot na khrab but Ai’Mean suddenly told us na khrab that you might feel bad na khrab because Ai’White is busy—I don’t know how Ai’Mean knows that but we thought—maybe he is right na khrab—and I am also sleepy na khrab,” I smile. Ai’Mean did a good job explaining it to P’Plan and P’Gun. I know it’s still a long way before P’Gun or even P’Plan to think rationally but I am glad that they are helping me right now.

We made a sharp turn before P’Gun put in the key and open the door to our practice room, “You know na khrab Ai’Cap,” I look at P’Plan while P’Gun is closing the door, “Mean told me this before na khrab and this is actually the only thing that I understand to whatever he is telling me na khrab—” the three of us sit down on the floor, “When you are mad or upset na khrab with your boyfriend, you just need to tell him because if you don’t tell him then he will not know about your feelings.” I am amazed, P’Mean mastered already on how to communicate well with P’Plan and he knows how to explain things to him without making it too complicated. I nod my head, “Chai—you are right na khrab P’Plan—thank you na khrab~” I said before standing up and going to the corner of the room to send a quick message to White.

If I will keep on being stubborn like this, our relationship will only be ruined and I don’t want that to happen.

Captain: I am upset today! We don’t usually hang out a lot na khrab White and when we do—you are always busy with you papers na khrab. I know I am being childish and probably you don’t want to hear this from me na khrab but P’Plan told me to be honest to you about my feelings na khrab. Last night too, I was talking to P’Gun and he also told me to embrace my imperfections and I think now I know why! Because you told me na khrab that you love everything about me so I am sorry if I am being a right now na khrab White but this is me.

Am I being too harsh? But no! I need to be strong.

I thought my heart will go out of my chest already the moment my phone notified me a message on Line. I didn’t think twice, I clicked the application and White’s message welcomed me.

White: I didn’t know that you felt that way na khrab Cap. I am sorry na khrab for being insensitive about your feelings. I should have noticed it when you went out with Ai’Gun without saying anything to me na khrab. I am just pressured na khrab, your P’Hyuk, your cousin Ai’Kris, and even your P’Gun are all expecting something big from me na khrab because you are precious to them and you are also precious to me na khrab—so I am trying my very best to be good for you na khrab and to provide good future for you too. From now on na khrab Cap—let’s tell each other how we feel—no more hiding something—okay?

I smile, I feel relieve that I was able to tell White and he was able to understand me. No more hiding he said—so maybe~

Captain: Also—I am jealous na khrab!!

I put my phone back in my pocket and smile while turning around, “P’~” but stopped mid-way when I saw both P’Plan and P’Gun sleeping peacefully. They used their bags as their pillow and they pulled some rubber mat so they both can lay there. I walk slowly towards them, “They look peaceful na kharb,” I mumbled and smile again before putting my bag near P’Gun and also lay there to take a nap.

Awwwww soooooo the serious talk happened with the most precious people here in our fic hahahahaha