Donghae’s POV

I sigh again after fixing all of the mess that was left after the confrontation this afternoon. I am still glad that Hangeng Hyung was able to arrive before Hyukkie was able to punch White. I am so scared—I don’t want Hyukkie to regret something in the future if he will hit White. My boyfriend is a good person and he will try to be a good and understanding person until the end but today—he snapped.

I went to the back door where I talked to Gun before. I don’t think I will be brave enough to go in the room together with Hyukkie—not now. I know he is very upset of me. Gun and Captain are back in their rooms and Heemi, Heechul Hyung, and Hangeng Hyung are all in their room. Hyukkie’s Appa and Umma are already back but we didn’t say a thing. Captain was afraid that their parents will try to talk to Hyukkie. I am glad that both of them are still thinking about their brother.

Right now, all I want is to breathe and talk to someone—and I know who is the right person to talk right now. I pulled out my phone and dial my brother’s phone number. I hug myself a bit while waiting for him to answer, “Hyung—hurry up~” I mumbled before I heard the voice that I wanted to hear right now, “Yeoboseyo? Donghae?” he sounds so tired. I feel bad but I want to talk to him.

“Humm—hyung~” I answered back with my soft voice. I don’t want someone to hear me talking to Donghwa hyung—especially Hyukkie. I just—don’t have the heart to make more trouble for him, “How was your trip Donghae?” hyung asked me again and I smile a bit, “So far so good hyung. I am enjoying the stay~” I rub my shoulder while my other hand is on my phone gripping it tightly. “Are you sure Donghae? You didn’t sound like your—happy.” He really can pick up my emotion very well.

I sigh and look up at the sky. There are so many starts tonight I wonder if hyung can also see them too, “I think—I hurt Hyukkie,” I confessed. Probably, hyung is still at our café because I heard the chair he pulled, “Hyuk doesn’t seem like a type of person who will get mad easily at you Donghae. I am actually amazed how he can keep up with you so well,” he joked around probably making the mood lighter but I can’t find my will to laugh, “But I did—I just did hyung,” I am lying if I will say that I didn’t get scared of him when he shouted at me but somehow—at the back of my head—I knew I deserve that.

“Tell me,” hyung said and I know I need to confess everything to him. I close my eyes, “I like his family so much Hyung—maybe I liked them so much that I crossed the boundary. I forgot that I am only his boyfriend and not yet his family,” I feel hurt because I know that when Hyukkie told me that I shouldn’t educate his brothers because they are his brothers, I don’t want just to be his boyfriend—I want to be part of his family too. I sigh, “I tried to help them a bit hyung but Hyukkie didn’t like it—maybe I am really being nosy and I shouldn’t put my nose into someone’s business—but I can’t help it hyung. I knew that I should do something when I heard Gun’s conversation with Mark and I knew that Hyukkie would be so mad but maybe I am too confident that he won’t get mad at me so I tried my best to hide the secret together with his brothers—” I open my eyes and still see the vast of starts on the sky, “And in the process of helping his brothers—I forgot that I will also hurt my boyfriend’s feelings,” and that is what I am so upset right now.

Hyukkie has been the best for me. Supporting me in everything he can. I am a freelance photographer and composer and my works normally happen once in a while so I know that I will be a pain for him. He is supporting his family here in Thailand and I became another mouth he needed to feed back in Korea. That’s why I cannot accept it when people are saying that I am too good for him. Hyukkie is way beyond good for me—way beyond perfect and I just hurt the person that gave almost everything to me. “Just how bad did you do, Donghae?” hyung asked me again.

 I gulp, “So bad hyung. Hyukkie—he—yelled at me,” and I feel fear again run over my body as I remember how he yelled at me. I hate myself for being scared of him right now. I should be the one supporting him but I don’t even know how to look at Hyukkie—I am not even sure if he wants to look at me. I saw how he stared at me a while ago. He looks at me—like he doesn’t want to see me anymore, “Do you—want me to talk to him?” hyung suggested but I laugh dryly, “No Hyung, I don’t want you to get involve and I don’t want to make Hyukkie think that I am telling you about our problem.” I should do this alone, “I realized one thing hyung—while trying to get people’s approval about my relationship with Hyukkie. Actually—I don’t need to get anyone’s approval because as long as Hyukkie and I love each other—those people beside us—will eventually understand—if not—then we just need to let them understand,” all I want is to talk to my hyung to confide everything but not to make things worse.

‘Lee Donghae, you love him right? Then you need to understand him now.’

I knock at the door, “Do you mind if I come in?” I asked first. I cannot go to Heechul hyung’s room now because they are probably having their family time. I also cannot go to Hyukkie’s room, I am afraid on how he will look at me, “Khrab,” I quickly open the door when I heard the response. I smile sadly when I look at them both sitting on their beds, “P’,” they called me and all I can do is response, “I cannot go back to your P’s room and I also cannot go to Heechul hyung’s room—especially now that Hangeng hyung is here—so I was wondering if I can—sleep here?” I stand awkwardly at the door didn’t dare to enter yet.

Captain smiles at me but he also looks tired, “Sure P’—you can. Hang on~” he stands up and also Gun stands up, “Like last time na Ai’?” Gun asked and Captain nods as his response. Both of them push their beds together to make a big bed maybe for the three of us. I close the door behind me while Captain and Gun jump on the bed again leaving a space in the middle.

I climb in the middle feeling awkward because I really wasn’t able to talk to both of them since I arrived here in Thailand, “Khot thot khrab P’—because we caused problem to your relationship with P’Hyuk,” I look at Captain but how can I bare to see him bowing at me when he looks so sad right now, “Hum—” I shake my head, “I helped you because I want to help you. Gun didn’t even pursue me—I am sad of course because Hyukkie seems mad at me but I am also glad that I was able to help—even for a bit,” Captain stopped bowing already but his eyes still looks so sad. I look at the other side only to see Gun with the same look on his face, “You know what, I think your brother is right. You might not see it, but you three have many things in common.” I smile when I remembered that time when Hyukkie messed up my pictures and he had the same look as what Gun and Captain have right now.

I smile finally when they both groan, “Really—I am not kidding,” I said again and eventually all of us starts to laugh. That I think kind of break the ice between the three of us. We started playing some random movie on the TV even though none of us are paying attention on it.

“So P’—how did you fall in love na khrab with P’Hyuk?” Gun, this curious boy. I sigh as I remember, “Hyukkie—went to my house and asked my mother and brother’s approval on our first date,” both of them are sitting right in front of me. We formed a small triangle already and they both nod their heads like they weren’t surprise, “Very—P’Hyuk na kharb,” Captain commented and Gun, “Woie—P’ really assured that P’Donghae will be his wife na khrab from the beginning,” made that comment.

I got curious so suddenly, “Why—aren’t you shocked? When I told Kyuhyun and Siwon my best friends about it—they both said that Hyukkie is really something and no one would probably be brave enough to do that on the first date.” My friends also teased me because they said there’s not escape with Hyukkie. Gun laughs loudly, “P’Hyuk isn’t really afraid of anything na khrab P’. When we were in elementary school na khrab and a dog bit Ai’Cap’s leg, P’ went to the owners house and said if they will not take responsibility to Ai’Cap, P’Hyuk will report them to the authority na woie. Imagine—a high school boy threatening elders like that na P’,”I nod again and again trying to process the information that Gun said.

“Also P’—in the university na khrab, since he was the head hazer—many girls really like him na khrab but P’ wasn’t interested to them so he kept on rejecting them. He is a very straight forward guy P’, so when he went to your house on the first date—that only means na khrab that P’ is very interested with you.” I am glad. I thought that time, Hyukkie was just feeling obligated to meet my family, “Your brother—makes me feel like I am enough even though I have so many short comings.” I smile knowing that at the end of the day, my love—our love will still be there regardless of our problem right now.

They both sigh, “I envy you P’,” Gun suddenly said which makes me giggles, “Aren’t you in love, Gun?” suddenly, Captain also has that teasing look, “Yeah right, he rejected P’Mark already na P’ and he has been acting like a lonely person so suddenly—very mad about couples na P’Gun,” I knew Captain will open up about Mark. I am so interested because when I saw Mark that day—I only felt bad for him. Gun surprisingly didn’t say anything back, “I should probably thank that P’ na woie on Monday.” And his response isn’t something neither Captain nor I expected.

We both make the gap smaller to talk more closely, “Wow! That’s a great charter development from you Gun,” I can’t help but commented. But Gun sighs deeply, “That P’—I saw him today with P’Best—” “Who is P’Best?” if Gun is the curious boy, Captain is the impatient kid. “P’Best—is P’Mark’s ex-boyfriend,” I gasp and so did Captain. It’s funny how affected we both look, “P’Mark~” Captain said, “With ex-boyfriend?” I said.

Gun snarled at us, “They are together na khrab but I am not sure why. I just accidentally saw them today and when you called me na Ai’, P’Mark offered his motorcycle to bring me home fast. When we arrived na khrab, I removed the helmet so fast that I forgot to say thank you to him na woie. Now I am a bit guilty that I remember—especially when P’ looks so worried because P’Best and I accidentally bumped into each other and my hands got injured a bit,” that explained why his hands have bandage all over right now. I don’t know why I want to root for Mark even though I know that Gun is not gay—or not even interested with guys.

I decided to change the question, “Then—why are you envy Gun?” now he looks more determined, “Because P’, it’s hard to find love like that. When I am talking to Ai’Plan, I always feel like falling in love na woie is very fun and interesting but whenever he fights with Ai’Mean, he keeps cursing Ai’mean so I wonder what’s it really like to fall in love. Talking to you right now na khrab P’ makes me realized that falling in love especially with the right person—is really precious that somehow—even if I don’t believe in love right now—I want to believe,” I smile because I understand his point. He has this very wide idea about love and falling in love but he thinks it’s very ambitious for someone to be in love because he himself hasn’t experienced it yet.

“Listen—both of you—” I wanted to say something. Captain looks more alert and Gun looks interested, “Regardless of the gender of the person that you will love—never be afraid. You know, your brother was so mad today because he experienced everything that a person who is in love shouldn’t experience. I know—we all think that he is being unfair—but I was also with him during that hardest battle in our life. You cannot imagine how much we fought just to have a small recognition that we are having right now—meaning—there are still many people who haven’t accepted our relationship and still call us names when we are walking hand in hand. Hyukkie always tell me how much he wants to give everything to both of you and I think the freedom of loving someone is also part of it but he wasn’t really prepared for this. The scar of our old battle is still there in your brother that was why he reacted like that. Above all, your brother feels hurt that I abandoned him—that you Gun also abandoned him. He might think that no one can understand him—but believe me—Hyukkie will eventually approve your relationship Captain. So—Gun—I don’t want you to feel scared to fall in love—even with a girl—or a boy—always remember that I will support you—we will try to make your P’Hyuk understands you because that was the kind of love he showed me before. The bravest kind of love.”

It’s very easy for us to fall in love and fall out of all but we also have Lee Donghae who will love Hyukkie no matter what because he taught him the bravest kind of love. TT_TT