Captain’s POV

I’ve been to Ai’Toptap’s house before. We’ve been classmate since freshmen so I’ve met his parent’s couple of times. They are busy people and they aren’t normally at home during weekdays—well they arrive at night time or dawn but normally, Ai’Toptap is alone in this big house. I don’t need to knock because based on Ai’s message, all I need to do is to turn the knob and make sure to close it so that no one will come in.

“Ai’Toptap!” I called him out in their big living room. No one answers me, “It’s Ai’Cap—where are you?” I called out again while looking around to see if I can find my friend. I know that his room is at the second floor but I don’t want to brag into someone else’s house. I keep on turning ad turning, “Ai’Toptap!” and calling him until I saw him walking down the stairs—he looks so bad.

I quickly run towards him, “Ai’ what happened to you?” I asked as soon as I scan him. He is still wearing our uniform which I assume is what he wore yesterday. His eyes are swollen, his hair are so messy, his walking like he doesn’t want to live anymore. I can’t help but feel worried. Ai’Toptap is like a foundation for me. I have a very weird personality and he is like the moderator of myself.

Ai’ grabs my left hand and suddenly his tears starts to fall, “Ai’Cap~” his voice sounds so tired already so I pull him to the coach in their living room. He is sobbing like crazy, “What happened?” I asked him slowly but Ai’ still cries loudly, “I—I—think na Ai’—Cap—I will—I fought for this—na Ai’. Not only to—my parents—but to the society na—khrab~” he said in between his sobs so I pat his back though I don’t understand what he is talking about.

His tears are flowing like crazy, “I—thought we over—come already na—khrab the hardest—time na Ai’—but I was wrong—I thought I should just—ignore na khrab that—they are always together—because I know that—Gunsmile will—fight for me—but I was wrong Ai’—it’s still me na khrab—who is more in love—with him. He—doesn’t even—reciprocate—even a little bit—of love to me na—Ai’~” I don’t understand but I want to understand. “Did you talk to Ai’Gunsmile already Ai’? He looks so worried when I saw him today.” That’s the only thing I can think off because he mentioned Ai’Gunsmile’s name.

He shook his head, “No—no—I don’t want—to see him na Ai’—I don’t want to—listen to his lies—anymore. He only—looks after me—when I am gone but—he never looks for me when—I am around. Ai’—I thought after what—happened before—he will learn to—love me more—and be with—me forever—but I am wrong na—Ai’Cap~” I am starting to connect the puzzle of Ai’Toptap’s problem.

I shake my head, “Did he do something wrong to you na Ai’? or did he cheat on you? What did he do?” Ai’Toptap looks at me and his tears stream down his face, “He—Ai’Cap—he knew that all along—Ai’Sing—he knew that—Ai’Sing has feelings for—him na khrab~” and my jaw almost fall off when he said that. Right now, I want him to calm down to tell me exactly what happened, “Ai’—even though Ai’Sing loves him—you shouldn’t be like this. As you said, Ai’Gunsmile knew so probably he doesn’t care about Ai’Sing’s feelings for him.” I tried to be rational.

There shouldn’t be a problem if Ai’Toptap would just calm down for a while, “Ai’Cap—can’t you see? Gunsmile—he never really—cares about me. If he—knew about Ai’Sing’s—feelings for him—he should have told me. I—look like a fool na Ai’—they both knew—while I am like a shadow—not knowing anything. What—hurts me more—Ai’—when I found out—na khrab last night—they didn’t try—to explain to me—but now that—I am not there in—university—they will try to find me na khrab and tried to explain—why only now?—I gave them time na Ai’—last night but they both—remained silent. My Mae khrab and Pa khrab were right—this kind of—relationship isn’t forever. It’s—for short term na khrab—and soon we will both—see that we are different—na khrab from each other.” I can hear my heart breaking into pieces as my strongest friend is breaking into pieces too right in front of my eyes.

I gulp the imaginary lump inside my throat and try to make myself stronger for Ai’Toptop. If I cry here too with him—I will give him more reason to be sad, “Look Ai’—you’ve been thru a lot and I know how much you love him. Even though you keep on telling me that you think you love him more—I think it’s different—I think Ai’Gunsmile loves you equally—but—I am not forcing you to go to him now and talk to him. I want you to be calm right now and think na khrab. Crying is good na Ai’ but you also need to think. Are you ready to throw away your two years relationship na khrab just because of this matter?” If no one will clear his mind right now, he will make a decision that he will regret in the future.

Ai’Toptap sobs louder, “I—I don’t know Ai’—I don’t know if I can—face him na khrab sooner—because Ai’ I’ve given him too much—na khrab. If he—loves me—he will do something so that—I will come back to him na khrab and not—just call me thousand times—and go to you to find me. If—he really loves me—he will know how to—find me na khrab and how to—reconcile with—me na khrab—but if he doesn’t—love me anymore—if he doesn’t really have feelings for me—then I think it’s better na khrab if we just break up~” All I can do is close my eyes because this is the scariest part of having a relationship. Maybe White and I are just getting started but I do hope we won’t be on the same path as Ai’Toptap is experiencing right now. This path looks so scary.

After pouring his heart out, I made sure that we will both eat lunch. I cooked pad thai for both of us because that is the only dish that I know how to cook. Ai’Toptap doesn’t have an appetite but I keep on insisting and also I messaged White incase he decided to go to my college.

White: Is he okay? Do you want me to come over?

Cap: No need na khrab. I can handle this, but please, go eat your lunch na khrab with P’Mean~

White: Okay, khrab! Make sure that you will eat a lot too~

I look at my friend who’s sleeping peacefully now on his bed. It’s past 1pm already and I washed the dished and make him change his clothes. After eating, I told him to sleep for a while but he said he doesn’t want to take a rest but after a while I saw him sleeping. I feel bad—but I don’t want to do what I did before with P’Mean. I don’t want to go to Ai’Gunsmile and Ai’Sing and punch both of them without knowing the other side of the story.

“Ai’Toptap, you need to pick up yourself again na khrab. You are stronger than this na Ai’ and I really think that you should talk na khrab to Ai’Gunsmile. Your problem will stay as a problem if you will not talk about it Ai’.” And all I wish for him is happiness. He told me about their story yesterday and I don’t want them to end it like what happened before doesn’t matter to the present.

I pull out the blanket and put it on Ai’Toptap’s tired body. He has been thru a lot since last night.

I stand up and scan his room. I’ve been here before but I don’t normally look around so this is the only time I can. He has so many picture frames of him with his family, him with when he was young, him and I during our first band performance. Him and the whole band when we won the battle of the band, and pictures of him and Gunsmile. When they were in high school both wearing the blue shorts uniform. They are smiling from ear to ear while both of them have their arms around each other’s shoulders. There’s also a picture of him and Ai’Gunsmile on their first anniversary with balloons all over the place. Him and Ai’Gunsmile with Ai’Gunsmile’s family. And there’s a picture of him and Ai’Gunsmile and Ai’ is kissing my Ai’Friend’s cheeks.

“How can you say that Ai’Gunsmile doesn’t love you na Ai’? He has the same sparks in his eyes when you look at him.” I mumbled and again the throbbing feeling in my chest isn’t helping at all. All I know now is that I want to help them get back together or at least talk to each other. I need to because I know they love each other so much.

The drama is just getting started~