Gun’s POV

I am so sad—because I don’t know if I am wrong for not knowing and understanding what’s happening to me. I am having a sleep over at Ai’Plan’s room and we both decided to kicked out Ai’Mean because there is no way I am going to tell Ai’Plan what has been bothering me with Ai’Mean around. I do trust Ai’Mean but I know he is also close to P’Mark. I just don’t want him to know.

I lean my back on the headboard while Plan also did the same. We are always talking loudly and spontaneously but today seems different, “You know Ai’—” Ai’Plan started, “I’ve never seen and heard P’Mark na khrab so mad at you,” he said finally and all I can do is sigh, “Yes—it makes me sad really Ai’Plan—P’ is like—really good to me and always give what I want na khrab—but today~” I cannot even finish my sentence because this is making me feel sadder.

“When I heard P’Mark shouting at you after he shouted at Ai’Cooheart and Ai’Fluke—I was so scared na khrab. Lately, Mean keeps on telling me to stop myself from hanging out with you na khrab a lot because P’Mark will be mad soon but I don’t understand why because before I became Mean’s boyfriend and before you started hanging out na khrab with P’Mark—we always hang out,” I look at Ai’Plan and he looks as sad as I am, “Do you think—P’Mark na khrab is mad at you because we keep on hanging out?” and his question makes me think too.

I shake my head, “I don’t know Ai’Plan—but you are right—why would P’Mark na khrab will get mad at me just because we keep on hanging out? We’ve been hanging out since middle school na khrab.” I hate it. I hate feeling confused for something that I don’t understand. I am a simple person, tell me all directly because I won’t understand it not unless someone will explain it to me, “Ai’Plan~” I called him and he hummed in return, “Do you—also think na khrab—that I am clueless and insensitive na khrab?” because I think I am.

Flashback

P’Mark told me to wait in the living room after marching on the second floor where Ai’Cooheart, Ai’Title, Ai’Fluke, and Ai’Ohm are in. Ai’Plan sits beside me while Ai’Mean keeps on looking around which I don’t understand why. Nong Heemi is also pouting beside me because she was mad when we get here, “Ai’Gun,” I look at Ai’Mean when he called my name. His eyes are getting smaller and smaller.

“Khrab?” I asked him but his facial expression didn’t change, “Did you—make P’Mark—” “WHAT THE ARE YOU THINKING!!!” then I almost jumps off my seat—no—not only me but also Ai’Plan, Nong Heemi, and even Ai’Mean got startled because of the loud shout. I gulp, “P’Mark?” I asked but I don’t know if it’s really P’. That voice sounds so angry.

I am fidgeting in my seat, “WHY SENT IT?? WHY ING~” and then there are many noises upstairs and we are all so nervous, “What did you do Ai’?” Ai’Mean asked me this time but all I can do it shake my head, “I don’t know,” I said honestly but the angry voices and more shouting upstairs continues, “Calm down P’Mark!” that’s probably the loudest voice of Ai’Title that I’ve heard so far.

Ai’Plan grabs my arm, “Did you make him mad na khrab Ai’Gun? Or did you do something na khrab to make him mad? He is scary Ai’ you need to—” “Don’t—” and Nong Heemi shakes her head, “I don’t think na kah it will be helpful if Gun Gege run upstairs and stop P’Mark na kah—that will be suicide!” my hands are shaking already because P’Mark got mad right after—, “Actually na khrab—” and I put my head low when they all look at me, “Ai’Cooheart na khrab accidentally sent me a video na khrab and I was watching it when P’Mark got mad na khrab because I was watching it—and then P’ told me that we are going home and he will talk to Ai’Cooheart—and on the way home—he wasn’t talking to me at all,” I confessed.

I don’t know, did I do something wrong? “What video?” I heard Ai’Mean’s voice and I was about to give him my phone when someone pulled me so hard to stand up, “You!! come with me!” and I was forced to look at P’Mark with anger on his eyes. I am scared.

“P’—can we talk—” “Shut up and follow me!” I gulped loudly. Did P’—really raised his voice to me? I am close to tears because I am too scared but P’ already walks pass me. I cannot look at anyone but someone grabs my hand, “Gege—do you want me to come?” Nong’s voice sounds so concern but I shook my head, “No Nong—stay here na khrab,” I told him before pulling my hands off and following P’Mark towards the garden outside with my head still hangs low.

My breathing keeps on hitching and I don’t know—this is the same feeling I have whenever Mae khrab will scold me—well much more terrified right now actually. The walk towards the garden is so intense and I shiver the moment I stepped outside at the back part of the garden—totally far from everyone but near P’Mark.

I decided to look up and face him but he isn’t looking at me. His back facing me and I don’t know what to feel. “I don’t understand you anymore na khrab Ai’Gun,” he said with calmer voice which makes me at ease—a bit. I bit my lower lips, “What—do you mean—P’?” I asked him slowly still didn’t let go out my lips. I am biting too hard. His deep sigh got me nervous again, “I keep on telling myself na khrab that—it’s okay na khrab because you are innocent—and you probably don’t know na khrab what’s happening—but Ai’Gun—” then he turns around just to look at me. It’s terrifying! His eyes look so cold and his face looks so stiff. He isn’t the P’Mark that I’ve known.

“Are you really like this na khrab Ai’Gun—or you are just pretending to be stupid and playing with me?” he asked me and his words hurts me even though I wasn’t sure why. I sniff, “P’—I don’t understand~” I said honestly and his lifeless face was soon replaced with his smirk, “That’s what you are good at na Ai’Gun—not understanding at all!” his laugher echoes but it doesn’t sound like he is happy. The heavy pain in my chest is too much that I need to clutch at my shirt, “I am—very simple person na khrab—P’Mark—you just need to—” “What? Explain to you? Are you still a baby na khrab Ai’Gun? Why do I need to explain everything to you?” his voice is raising again and I need to step back a bit.

I gulp again, “P’—I am—I am trying to understand na khrab—and actually P’—I don’t know what you are talking about—and why you are mad at me,” I explained myself because I am really so close in crying but I am trying not to. P’Hyuk told me that boys shouldn’t cry so much, “Wow~” then he laughs—same humorless laugh, “I’ve been so mad na khrab—thinking that I should punish those people that tarnish you—and tainted you na khrab—but here you are—standing in front of me—with NO ING IDEA WHY I AM MAD!” I almost run. He shouted at me.

“P’—” “I am mad na Ai’Gun because your ing friends sent you a video and you were just there—ing watching the video—ing watching other people ing each other—clueless! !” his curses are getting scarier and scarier and I clutch my shirt tighter because I am having a hard time breathing with all the pain that I am feeling.

I shake my head, “No P—you need to understand me. I really didn’t know na khrab that it was a— video na khrab. I don’t normally watch it—and besides P’—it’s Ai’Ohm and Ai’Fluke—they should be more pissed off na khrab I think because Ai’Cooheart sent me the video—right?” I asked him and feeling small at the same time because he is looking at me like I am his most hateful person in the world.

I look below and see P’s hands. It’s turning white already because he is making a fist and he is clutching his hands so hard, “You are impossible Ai’Gun—and probably Best is right—he is freaking right!” and the pain doubled up when P’Mark mentioned P’Best name. “Why is—P’Best—right?” I can’t help but ask and P’ shakes his head, “That I should probably be crazy to have a clueless guy like you by my side—heck! I even keep on rejecting him na Ai’Gun because—! You are so insensitive!” I don’t know but I want to cry. I badly want to cry—but the tears aren’t coming out and all I can feel and hear is the loud beating of my heart.

“P’~” I tried calling him again and even reach out to him but P’ slaps my hand, “You know what—this whole trip—I am just wasting my time na khrab here and trying to prove myself to your brother. I should have just go back na khrab to Thailand and forget about you! Forget about this feeling because—Ai’Gun—I am not stupid na khrab! Just tell me you don’t want me anymore and I will leave you—just like what you did na khrab to be before—when you told me to backed off.” His voice didn’t sound mad anymore, instead—he sounds so sad.

I tried reaching him out again and this time, P’ let me grab his arm, “P’—I am sorry na khrab—I don’t under—” “I don’t want to see you Ai’Gun.” And he pulled his arm off me and walks somewhere—far from me. “P’~” I said with my small voice and soon I am kneeling on the ground with my hand on my chest feeling the fast heart beat and the pain.

‘I am in pain!’

Back to Reality

Ai’Plan and I slept so late last night. I told him everything—about the and the Lotte World trip and what P’ told me and he became so confused too just like me. He suggested to also ask Ai’Cap because he said that Ai’ might understand why P’ became so mad at me.

Up until now, I am still lifeless and I don’t know—I don’t have appetite to eat at all—especially now that we are all sitting around the dining table. P’Mark sits so far from me—near Ai’Mean and Ai’Cap looks so uncomfortable sitting beside me. I wonder why.

“Why did you forget it? you Hyuk!!” the loud voice of P’Heechul woke us all up and I can’t help but to look at him. His face looks so red, “You—” he points his finger at me, “and you!” then to Ai’Cap, “You are going with me!” he announced before standing up, “Take a bath and wear good clothes! I will see you both in 15 minutes! If both of you aren’t ready in 15 minutes—I will kill you both!” and P’ walks away while cursing a lot.

I look at Ai’Cap and he looks as clueless as I am, “Gege—hurry up na kah! Umma isn’t joking!” Nong Heemi told us and I stand up quickly while Ai’Cap is having a hard time standing up. Actually, Ai’White is already there supporting him, “Are you hurt? Or injured na khrab Ai’Cap?” I asked him because he really is so slowly.

He grabs my arm and said, “Let’s go—P’,” and then even though I don’t understand him, we still walk—a bit slower than normal. I wonder why~ anyway, leaving with P’Heechul is better than staying here in the house knowing that P’Mark doesn’t want to talk and see me anymore.

I sigh deeply, “Anything bothering you P’?” Ai’Cap asked me and we are only half way the stairs, “I’ll—I’ll tell you later. Let’s go first na khrab~” I said before helping Ai’Cap.

Maybe he slipped this morning. He looks like he is in pain.

Did you miss me or my story? Sorry! I was on a vacation for 3 days….so yeah! No time to update when your uncles treated you like a baby the whole trip and probably thinking that I am so innocent hahahahahahha