Captains’ POV

I don’t understand why I’ve been spending a lot of time at Nong Heemi’s house and why my P’Gun left me this morning. Not only me but also P’Title, Ai’Ohm, Ai’Cooheart, Ai’Fluke and of course my boyfriend White.

You cannot imagine how much Nong Heemi whined because she cannot find P’Plan, P’Mean, P’Gun and P’Mark. Good thing around 12 noon, P’Heechul told Nong that she needed to attend her Math academy so that left us with P’Wang Qing. P’ knows how to speak basic Korean because he has been here for many times now so he sort of volunteers to tour us around but only White and I because Ai’Fluke wasn’t feeling well—maybe because of the sudden change of weather and Ai’Cooheart just want to stay at home and watch Netflix with P’Title.

“I’ve been here in Mouse Rabbit before like—2 or 3 years ago when I visited mei mei,” finally, P’Wang Qing tried to talk longer now and I nod at him, “Do you have any recommendations?” all of us have been trying to remove the na khrab while speaking English—especially here in Korea because that will be weird for them though with P’Heechul, P’Donghae, and Nong Heemi—we somehow still use honorifics.

I look at P’Wang Qing who is sitting opposite to White and I, “Hum—how about this—I will go to the counter and order and you will eat and drink what I order, deal?” he suddenly has this crazy smile on his lips. I think P’ is also mischievous just like Nong Heemi. I also smile, “Deal!” I said before P’ stands up.

If you are wondering why my boyfriend is so silent the whole time, well—he has been so engrossed about political news in our country since this morning and he has been receiving international calls for a while and now he isn’t paying much attention to my quick conversation with P’Wang Qing because he is busy typing on his phone.

Am I not curious? I am dying because of curiosity but one thing I’ve learned about my relationship with White, I need to wait for him—not to open up but to have a clear mind—out of distractions before I ask him something serious or something I am curious about. And because my boyfriend is so busy with his phone, I’ve decided to open my phone and check my Instagram feed.

There isn’t much post to be honest, mostly are from the shops and influencers that I’ve been following for a while. There are also some posts of my friends and P’Hyuk’s friends—also P’Gun’s friends. I don’t know but they are all following me so I felt like before I need to follow them back.

ngernn enjoying what the best thing in life can offer na khrab—like this person beside me. #YOLO #vacation #bewithAugust #NgernAugust

“I didn’t know that P’Ngern and P’August are so close to each other,” I mumbled to myself because P’Ngern is P’Hyuk’s friend or code mate—I don’t know and P’August is P’Mark’s closest friend in IC. They don’t have anything in common though I noticed that they went back home together during P’Hyuk’s birthday party.

I scroll more and this time, I found Ai’Bas post. Ai’Bas always helps us during our performances because he is really good at make-up which I don’t understand because he is studying Biology and not cosmetics.

bbasjtr he told me na khrab to, ‘Pack your things baby, we are going somewhere~’ and the next thing I know, I am here in the land of the OPPAS!! You are really the best P’—love you na khrab~ #Seoul #Korea #WithBae #YouAreTheBest #GodBas

“Woie! Ai’Bas is in Korea na khrab—and he is with P’Godt na khrab!” I mumbled a bit louder this time because I cannot believe that they are also here. P’Godt is Ai’Bas boyfriend since freshman days but P’Godt already graduated last year so Ai’Bas and P’Godt have a sort of long distance relationship because P’ works in Phuket as local doctor for a while and Ai’ of course is still studying, “I am glad na khrab that they still make things work~”

I’ve scrolled more and found many funny pictures and interesting pictures of people I’ve known playing in the beach or out of the country and suddenly, I found my best friends summer gateway. I am glad to see him enjoying the summer heat of Thailand, “He really went on a vacation alone,” I chuckled because Ai’Toptap is someone that you cannot tell what to do. Besides, it looks like he finally fulfilled his dream on staying at a fast craft—base on the picture he uploaded 3 minutes ago.  

toptap_jirakit that sunset is everything #sunset #vacstionFINALLY #beautiful

I must admit, the sunset is really beautiful. “Here you go~” I look up to see P’Wang Qing finally back with 3 different drinks and then 3 different cakes. It looks like I will eat a lot of sweets today, “Caramel macchiato for you—Macha coffee with cream cloud for White—” P’ eyed me because my boyfriend is still busy with his phone so I immediately grab White’s hand and squeeze it a bit hard, “Aww!” he hissed before finally looking up from his phone.

“White na khrab—can you put your phone for a while?” I asked him nicely—actually too nice that makes him gulp loudly, “Kharb—sorry Cap—” then he looks at P’, “Sorry P’~” and P’ actually smiles a bit, “No worries—so here’s yours,” and he pushes the beverage to White while I finally let go of White’s hand.

I grab my own drink and take a sip. The sweetness of the caramel but also a bit bitter of the coffee complimented each other very well, “Humm—P’ this is good!” I said right after I swallow the beverage, “That is—my closest friend’s favorite—anyway, here are some variety of cheese cakes. Mei mei and I like the cheese cakes here,” and he put the cheese cakes in a line on the middle so that the three of us can actually eat it together.

“Hum—right, this one also tastes great!” Finally, White started responding like he normally does. Doesn’t mean that I am not reacting to what he is doing is I am not bothered that his only giving half of his attention to me—or to us. I am not a selfish person but we are together right now so if he has some issues going on now, he needs to set it aside first or better yet—go back to Nong’s house and I will enjoy this tour around with or without him, “Well, that’s one of the best sellers.” I am also glad that P’Wang Qing is so helpful and in a good mood today unlike before where he normally stays quiet and just look at all of us with his fierce eyes.

Come to think of it, “P’—you actually don’t look scary when you smile,” I blurted out and right away White’s hand is back on mine. P’ on the other hand looks shocked before chuckling, “I get that a lot. I don’t actually like talking a lot to strangers—but I’ve spent a lot of time in your house before and now you guys are here in Kores. This is the least that I can do.” I just keep on nodding at P’, “Well—I hope you will stay this way P’,” White commented too and then he let go of my hand and we all started eating and drinking.

After a while, I open my phone again to see a new post just 2 minutes ago, but it’s not from Ai’Toptap’s Instagram—but from Ai’Gunsmile. Why am I still friend with this Ai’Bastard? “Cap—why are you frowning?” I heard White’s question and actually I didn’t realize that I am frowning, “I will check something na khrab,” I answered him in Thai before clicking instagram and seeing Ai’Gunsmile’s post. It looks like a simple post of his vacation too.

gunsmile I set the picture in the wrong focus. The breathtaking sunset is on the other way round. #wrongfocus #sunset #failed

It looks like he is in some sort of, “Fast craft?” I asked, “What fast craft?” White asked me but I didn’t look at him. I have this bad feeling so suddenly, “The fast craft—the sunset—why does it look so familiar?” I asked again but this time in English. I scan the picture again, “It can’t be!” then it hits me.

I quickly go to the search button and type my friend’s user name on Instagram and again, Ai’Toptap’s post appeared—the sunset picture—then I scroll more and found another picture he posted 30 minutes ago.

toptap_jirakit taking a picture using my phone while asking a stranger to take my picture. INCEPTION! #inception #TakingAPictureWhileSomeoneIsTakingYourPicture

Then I search again for Ai’Gunsmile’s Instagram and saw the sunset picture and another picture of him posted last 30 minutes ago—too!

gunsmile What a view! #beuatiful #vacation #stunningview

“!” I finally said it before looking at the people on the table. P’Wang Qing is frowning while White is sitting so close to me, “What’s wrong?” he asked me again and this time I am not sure if I look horrified or scared, “I need to call Ai’Toptap,” I said finally but White didn’t stop me nor P’.

I quickly go to the contact list and find Ai’s name, it isn’t hard to find so I quickly clicked and shakily put the phone on my ears. I don’t care anymore if this call will cost a lot. My heart is beating quite fast because I know how important this vacation to him. I know he wants to be free of problem for a while and even though he was doing a great job these days with the whole moving on program—this kind of circumstances isn’t going to be helpful for him.

“Hello na khrab~” his bright tone echoes in my ears so I can assume that, “Ai’ how are you na khrab?” I did my best to make my voice sound as calm as ing as I can. “Me? I am okay—I am enjoying my trip. How about your trip? What are you doing?—or—are you already having your honeymoon na khrab to your P’White?” he teased me but for some reason it doesn’t affect me much, “My vacation is great—but ahm—who are you with right now na Ai’?” I asked again and actually P’ is eyeing me weirdly but I know he cannot understand my conversation with my friend.

I heard a chuckled on the other line, “I am alone, I told you na khrab—right?” I tried chuckling too but it doesn’t sound natural, “Yeah—hahaha—maybe I just miss you na khrab. When will go back to Bangkok na Ai’?” I tried again hoping that Ai’ won’t ask something unnecessarily, “I will be back na khrab tomorrow—I am still enjoying my stay here. Woie Ai’ did you know that the cruise ship na khrab that I booked isn’t that big so I can roam around the—” “NO!” I shouted so suddenly because he cannot.

There’s a long pause on the other line while my boyfriend isn’t doing anything—even P’ because as I said he doesn’t understand anything, “Ai’Captain, you are acting weird na khrab. Tell me—is there something wrong?” I knew I shouldn’t over react. “Nothing—it’s just—very stressful na khrab these days and today is actually the only time I can go out na khrab because Nong Heemi was home arresting us for a while. Anyway, enjoy your trip—message me if something happens—and go to Korea as soon as you can na khrab,” I have a long list of what I want to say but I don’t want to make Ai’ paranoid. There is so way I am ruining his vacation.

“Ahm—okay Ai’—see you this Saturday na khrab,” and then we both dropped the call.

I sigh heavily and slump on my chair, “Now—what was that all about?” White finally asked me and in English. I put my phone on the table and sigh one more time, “I was looking at my instagram feed just now—actually I saw Ai’Toptap’s post before we started drinking but just a moment ago, I saw Ai’Gunsmile’s post.” This must be a twisted faith for them both, “I don’t understand—who are these people—Toptap and Gunsmile—ah wait—I’ve met Toptap—but who is Gunsmile?” P’Wang Qing asked us.

I only explain briefly, “Ai’Toptap is my best friend, we are from the same band and Ai’Gunsmile is his ex-boyfriend. That Ai’Bastard broke my Ai’Friend’s heart I think a month ago already,” I don’t know why my Ai’Friend’s love life is so problematic, “And?” P’ asked again, “And right now, Ai’Toptap is on a vacation—sort of finding himself again and blah blah—and —” “Captain, watch your language please!” White told me but he isn’t mad. I nod right away, “Sorry~”

“Okay—Ai’Toptap is on vacation and I happened to saw Ai’Gunsmile’s post and he is also on a vacation—and it looks like they are together—in one fast craft—without knowing that both of them are there at the same time!” and there I said it. How can this be possible? And how can my Ai’Poor Friend survive this vacation when he finds out that Ai’Gunsmile is there too?

“cao ni ma [你妈]!” P’ suddenly speaks Chinese but his tone sounds mad. We didn’t ask him the meaning of it, “Are you sure Cap that they are together?” White asked me and being my rational boyfriend, I nod right away before grabbing my phone and opening my instagram to show him the pictures, “This is Ai’Toptap’s post—” even P’Wang Qing looks at the picture. I search for Ai’Gunsmile’s post now, “And this is from Ai’Gunsmile,” and they both look again and nod. “I am not assuming that they are on the same vacation tour but—” I screenshot both pictures.

[cao ni ma -- motherf*cker in Chinese]

I quickly edit it and put it side by side each other, “See—these pictures are actually taken few minutes apart from each other!” I pointed out showing them the edited picture. White looks shocked now, “You are right!” he said finally. How can I continue my vacation now knowing that Ai’ might see Ai’Gunsmile in his own vacation?

Suddenly, P’Wang Qing grabs my phone and stared at the screen—probably the picture, “But Captain—there is a wise Chinese saying, Xiaodong bu bu, dadong chi ku [小洞不补，大洞吃苦]—which means, If small holes aren't fixed, then big holes will bring hardship.” I don’t actually get it. This all Chinese proverbs are very confusing. Suddenly, P’ chuckled, “Wow! Both of you have an identical facial expression just now,” really? Even White? I look at White and his mouth is parting open and he has a frown on his forehead, “This is very simple, if a trivial problem is not solved in time, it will become a serious and knotty one. If Toptap won’t be able to overcome this problem—in case he will really come face to face with Gunsmile, then in the future—bigger problem will be harder for him.” And then P’ put down my phone and grabs his drink and starting sipping from it.

I nod finally understanding the proverbs. I chucked and grab my phone. Decided to turn it off and also grab my own drink, “I guess you are right P’,” I finally said it and just enjoying this moment right now. White is silent one more time and I really need to have a good talk with his later.

Spending time with P’ is really fun. It feels like I only spent time with him and not with White because my boyfriend’s mind is probably somewhere back in Thailand. I didn’t ask him anything because I am not really interested in ruining my mood over his issues.

We arrived back here in P’Heechul’s house around 7pm and Nong Heemi was furious when we went back home because she wasn’t able to see any one of us in the house when she went back from the academy. Also, there is a cold air around the people in the house which I cannot point out why. Nong Heemi kinda told me a bit like, “P’Mark na kah was so angry just now Gege and Gun Gege na kah tried his best to stop P’Mark but P’ was really angry at P’Cooheart and P’Fluke—I don’t understand what was happening but good thing Umma was not here when they started yelling at each other.” Now it makes me curious because P’Mark isn’t the kind of person who gets mad easily—not unless—my P’Gun is involve.

Anyway, my P’Gun said he will sleep at P’Plan’s room and P’Mean was kicked out from their room leaving him sharing room with P’Mark. I will sleep alone today then because P’Gun will not be with me. Well—initially I was planning to sleep alone but White bragged in my room, lock the door and sit on the edge of my bed where I am half lying already. “You do know that P’Hyuk will kill you na khrab if he finds out that you are here in the room that I am staying White.” I stated the fact but I feel nervous.

White calculated most of his actions. He doesn’t want to be in bad shoot again of my P’Hyuk so I am so curious right now why he is acting like this today, “I will not sleep here, don’t worry na khrab,” but somehow, I don’t understand why his voice sounds so sad right now. I sigh and open the blanket that’s covering half of my body, “Come here beside me,” I told him and actually, he is like a puppy right now. He follows me so well and once he settles himself beside me, I cover his legs with the blanket and we both lean on the headboard.

“Do you have a problem?” I asked him, I don’t know what am I pointing out right now—problem like why he is so silent right now or problem that keeps on bothering him the whole day. It’s up to him what to answer, “I have,” then he sighs. My hand that is under the blanket suddenly feels his strong grip. I let him be, “Do you want to share it—or??” “I just don’t know how to share it Cap—I don’t want you to get involve na khrab,” that statement actually makes me sad. Why? Because we are lovers and I should be the one supporting him—making him feel better but he doesn’t want me to get involve.

I sigh and didn’t say anything, “Actually—it’s about my family na khrab.” He said it—finally. “Family?” I asked him because we’ve never talked about his family before, “Chia—my mother has been calling me na khrab since this morning and she has been crying.” He continues and I am only listening to him, not looking at him but letting him know that I am listening by rubbing my hand that he has been holding, “My father is in deep trouble na khrab. He is being accused of perjury,” I gasp so suddenly making White stopped talking.

“White! That’s serious!” I told him raising my voice a bit, “If you need to go back—” “No! Cap—this trip is important to you na khrab. I know how much you want to see how your P’ is doing here in Korea and you also want to enjoy the vacation na Cap. I don’t want to ruin it for you,” he cut me off but I don’t understand, “White! This is also important matter na khrab! We are talking about your father—your family. I can handle myself here in Korea na khrab—beside—I have P’Gun here,” I don’t want him to choose between his family and I. I want him to choose his family, “I will not go anywhere Cap!” he said firmly.

I quickly pull my hand off him and turn my body towards him totally sitting down now on the bed, “Do you think it will make me happy na khrab to see that you are being distracted because of your family issue na White? I’ve been so patient with you the whole day even though I kept on think what might actually be wrong with you na khrab! Did you hear me ask you about your problem? NO! Because I am trying to be a reasonable boyfriend na khrab! I’ve never even heard about your family before and now you are telling me na White that your father was wrongly accused of perjury! This is madness!” there’s like a ticking bomb inside my head right now that will explode anytime.

White looks so shocked right now but his eyes are getting watery, “Captain! This is the reason na khrab why I don’t want to tell you na khrab about my family issue—” “ALAIWA? Do you think keeping me in the dark na khrab and not telling me will do good in our goddamn relationship na White?” I did my best not to explode. I don’t want to be so mad, “That’s not the point!” “THAT’S THE POINT WHITE!” I raised my voice and I can feel the anger all over my body.

Why do they always think that I am still too young to be involved? That I shouldn’t know what’s happening? P’Gun is only a year older than me and he is a bit slow but he knows more than I know, “You don’t trust me enough na khrab in this relationship!” and it hurts knowing that what I said is true. I thought I will not cry again in this relationship.

White sit straight and cup my face, “That’s not true~” he whispered softly but there’s a voice inside my head telling me that I said is true, “I trust you—so much,” he said again and the voice in my head is still there, “Then why? Why didn’t I know about you? Why am I always the last one na khrab?” isn’t it enough that I fought for him? He looks hurt too and his expressive eyes are full of resentment. He leans forward to make out forehead touch each other, “I felt like—I am the one who isn’t enough for you na khrab Cap—because I chased you—remember? And I felt like—I always have to compete with P’Hyuk and Ai’Gun for you—and your attention na khrab. I am the one to blame Cap—so I thought—not telling you about my issue will be better—not because I don’t trust you but because I don’t trust myself na khrab~” he explained softly and I didn’t realize that I am sobbing already.

The emotions are pouring out so much and I cannot control them anymore, “White—I promised you—na khrab that –will not be insecure anymore—khrab?” I asked him between my sobs and I feel his hands cupping my face slowly wiping my cheeks, “Khrab!” “But I cannot—help it na khrab—it actually felt like—P’Mark knows you better—that I’ve known you. You are—my boyfriend na khrab—I love you na—White—but I have doubts here—and—” then I did the most unexpected thing that I will do.

I move my hands on his nape and crash my lips on his kissing him passionately. More passionate than when we did it during Songkran—or even at the backstage on the last band performance. I move my head slowly feeling all of him—because all I want right now—if to have everything—of White—all mine.

White kisses me back, as passionate as my kisses so I take the opportunity of his close lips to open up but suddenly I feel a hard push and the warm lips was gone. I open my eyes and see White looking so red while panting hard, “No!” he said and I breathe heavily and said, “Yes!” because, “I want you!”

There is only one person I am so worried right now and I messaged her before posting this chapter hahahahhaha