Donghae’s POV

I stared intensely at my boyfriend. This is his 4^th nom yen already of the day and it’s only 3pm. Later around 5pm, we will go to Gun and Captain’s performance and I know he will buy more. We still haven’t talked to each other normally and actually I am still sleeping at Gun and Captain’s room because there’s still this frightened little boy inside of me—but that doesn’t mean I stop caring for him already or even loving him.

“If looks can kill—that drink probably died hundreds of times my dear,” I heard Heechul hyung mumbled in my ears and all I can do is grunt, “He loves that drink so much hyung!” I complained but make sure Hyukkie won’t hear me. Hyung put his arms around my shoulder—we are still in Hyukkie’s house waiting for Hangeng hyung to finish taking a bath, “You cannot blame anyone dongseang—you were the one who told him to stop drinking alcohol—neh? So blame yourself~” I pout while still glaring at my boyfriend from the other side of the room busy admiring and drinking his favorite nom yen.

[dongseang – you can it to someone younger than you in Korea]

Flashback

It’s Tuesday night and I still cannot sleep normally. In Korea—regardless if Hyukkie will have overtime or if I need to do something—one of us will wait for each other. We never try sleeping separately for a long time after we started living together. I walked downstairs to get a glass of chocolate milk that normally helps me sleep well but these days—it’s not so effective to me.

“I wonder if Hyukkie is already home~” I said to myself because since this morning, I haven’t seen him in the house. I know we aren’t in good talking terms but I am starting to get upset too because he is treating me like I didn’t exist in their house. When I reached the refrigerator, I heard a low grunting sound, “huh?” my heart rate starts to beat faster. Hyukkie used to teased me about scary stuff so I easily get scared most of the time.

I quickly close the ref door and grab the nearest object I can get—which is a spatula. I put it close to my chest and walk in the living room, “arghh~” another groan again and I am so close to running upstairs and wake either Gun or Captain.

‘You are a man Lee Donghae! Ghost won’t hurt you!’

I reminded myself and walk again around the living room near the sofa, “nghhh~” that sounds so close and I am gulping every saliva in my mouth already before I turn around, “Hae~” then I suddenly look down and see Hyukkie laying on the sofa. I quickly put down the spatula, “Omona—Hyukkie~” I called him. His eyes are closed tightly and his smells so bad. There are three cans of beer near the sofa, “one—more—drink na khrab~” he mumbled again and all I can do is to squat near him and push the hair covering his face, “Why did you drink a lot?” I asked him softly because I am afraid to wake him up and see those eyes—his eyes full of hate towards me.

“What should I do?” I asked myself because I cannot let Hyukkie stay here all night. His Umma and Appa might ask why he is here—but I cannot carry him upstairs. “nooooo na khrabbb~” Hyukkie mumbled again so I grab his hands, “I will ask help from Gun and Captain, Hyukkie. I will be right back~” I told him and squeeze his hands tightly before letting it go and running back upstairs.

The week continues and every night, Hyukkie went back home wasted but he can now go back to his room by himself. I helped him most of the time because I don’t have the heart to let him stumble and fall and throw up everywhere. His bad drinking habit isn’t showing up yet but I am afraid it will and his parents will know. I am so afraid it will happen so as much as possible; I try to help him—like today—Thursday night.

Hyukkie isn’t so wasted—maybe sober so his back is resting on the headboard of his bed while I am shaking my head standing in front of him bed. I don’t care about his scary eyes anymore, “This is the third night already, Hyuk!” I show no affection because my head is going to explode soon if I will not tell this to him. He stared back at me with those glare on his eyes, “If you don’t want to see me—then fine! You can go out with your friend! I will give you all of the freedom you want—but please—please—don’t go back home wasted!” we rarely fight—and this is one of the longest already.

He massaged the temple of his head, “Donghae—can you please stop nagging me? My head is spinning already!” and he thinks he has the rights to get mad too? I folded my arms on my chest and tap my left foot on the floor, “Your head is spinning because you keep on drinking! I’ve been helping you for three straight nights now Hyuk—” “Then don’t help me anymore! Who even told you to help me?”

My mouth hangs open and my heart throbs when I heard his words, “In case you forgot already—Hyuk Niran Na Ranong! I happened to be your boyfriend—if you don’t want me to ing tell you what to do—then it’s better if we break up—right?” I asked him that but I feel more hurt. I breathe heavily and Hyuk suddenly sit up straight on his bed looking intensely at me, “You didn’t mean it,” he said this time calmly. I bit my inner cheeks to prevent myself from saying something that I will regret soon but this mouth of mine cannot keep something from Hyuk, “What is the different of breaking up now and breaking up later Hyuk? You aren’t even here! You treated me badly these days! You always hang out with your friends! Neh—I am wrong about helping your brothers—but I never regret helping them because you know what—they talked to me—they freaking talked to me while you don’t have the balls to even look at me!”

‘I will regret this—I know I will—but my heart hurts so much!’

Hyuk suddenly sigh, “I will stop drinking—I think you are just tired Hae. Can we just—talk again when my head is fully functioning and when you are calm already?” he didn’t beg me but he asked me nicely. My hands hurt already because I am clenching them too hard but I run of idea on how to make Hyuk talk to me and how to fix our problem—it should even be our problem in the first place, “What is the point of talking to you Hyuk? You don’t know how to listen—I will only ask one thing to you—okay we can have this talk again next time—but please—not for my sake—but for your parents sake—stop drinking alcohol! You can drink shake, frap, or milk tea—but please stop this!” I said in defeat and start to walk out of the room, “Where—are you going?” he asked me but I didn’t dare to look back—because I know I will come back if I will. “In your brother’s room—knock there if you are ready to talk,” I said before going out of the door and closing it softly.

Back to Reality

So since yesterday—Hyukkie has been drinking lots of nom yen that I am starting to hate that drink. I am aware of his fondness with strawberry beverages but he is giving too much affection to those damn drinks. He said he will talk to me but he is too focused with those strawberry drinks!

“Hyung—remind me not to throw those inside the ref,” I mumbled to Heechul hyung before standing up and walking upstairs again. I don’t want to see another Hyukkie and nom yen moment downstairs.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!