Heemi’s POV

“Awww why is my baby girl pouting?” I can’t help but pout deeper when I heard my Appa’s question, “Appppaaaa~” we are talking using skype right now. “Waeyo?” he has his playful smile on his face, “They are all bad to me Appa. Hyuk Oppa and Dongahe Oppa are just laughing when people are bullying me. Then there was this guy—I thought he was the one Appa—but he turned out gay too—appppaaa~” from the start, I am an Appa’s girl because Appa gives everything to me especially when Umma is not around.

[waeyo – why in Korean]

Appa shakes his head, “it’s okay baby, you are so young to fall in love and I think your Donghae and Hyuk Oppa also think the way Appa thinks that’s why they just laugh at it. It’s not a big matter Heemi.” I shake my head in disagreement, “But Appa—I thought he really likes me. He did skinships to me twice then suddenly he said that he needed to go!!! Appa!!! THIS IS SO UNFAIR~” people downstairs are still cleaning because Umma haven’t come up here in the room yet.

Appa laughs at me, “My baby—you are too young to understand boys. Your Umma is with you right? You can tell him about boys and stuff, neh?” “Neh~” but suddenly, “Ahh—Appa—speaking of Umma. He didn’t even say anything to help me when people are bullying me. It also looks like Umma is drunk and Appa Umma is—” “YAH! KIM HEEMI!” the bedroom door burst open showing Umma with red face still tipsy entered the room.

I make my face looks sadder so that Appa will see it, “Heechul-ah please be more kind while taking to our daughter. She might copy you.” Too late Appa, half of my vocabulary words came from Umma’s cursing.

“Go out Heemi—go play with Cap and Gun. I will talk to your Appa.” Umma tried to sound a bit kind but still failed. “I don’t want Umma—I am still talking to Appa and I am getting sleepy.” I reasoned out but actually I just want to keep on talking to Appa but Umma already pulled me out of the bed. He’s clearly drunk and he gives my backpack to me which mostly contains of what’s valuable to me. “Go to your P’s room—play with them. Umma has business with your Appa.” With heavy heart, I started walking towards the door but before I even escape, “YOU WILL JUST HAVE PHONE WITH APPA, UMMA!” I shouted in English so that everyone will hear. I run as fast as I can, “YAH! KIM HEEMI WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?” Umma was shouting but I am too quick to open Geges door and good thing they don’t know how to lock the door so when I entered—I locked it for them.

“Uhm—Nong?” I heard Gege’s voice but not sure which of the Geges so I turn around and see both of them laying flat on their beds. I walk awkwardly in the room, “Well—Umma kicked me out of our room because he will have a private phone with my Appa.” I said honestly and both of their faces instantly became red.

‘They should have seen Hyuk Oppa and Donghae Oppa making out—it will really make them blush hard.’

Gun Gege even cough, “Nong khrab—I don’t think—that is something that you need to openly—tell us na woie. It’s a private matter between your Mae and Pa.” In my conclusion, Gun Gege is still just like Cap Gege. I’m not saying that I am not anymore because Umma and Appa will skin be alive but I’ve seen worse. Try living with my parents and try having multiple sleepovers at Hyuk Oppa and Donghae Oppa’s apartment—you will be immune.

They both sit up from their beds and I sit at Gun Gege’s bed with my back pack still on my lap, “But my Appa and Umma are really doing that na kah Gege. I’ve witnessed it many times already.” I sigh when they still look at me weirdly, “Stop being innocent na Gege’s. Girls—” I glance at Gun Gege, “and boys—” I glance at Cap Gege this time, “Will take advantage of you na Gege.”

When I say about boys, Gun Gege doesn’t look shocked and Cap Gege doesn’t have violent reaction so it looks like Gun Gege knows about P’White. “Do you want to watch a mini-series with me Gege?” If my words are not enough—then let’s have a visual aid. “Do you have a lot of good series Nong?” Cap Gege looks excited a bit. Maybe he likes watching—but I don’t think he knows the videos that I have. “Chai P’, I have my hard drive with me na kah. Let’s connect it in the TV.” I open my bag and grab my hard drive. This 1 terabyte hard drive has my greatest possessions, “Let’s watch Nong~” Gun Gege agrees.

We pushed Gun Gege’s bed and Cap Gege’s bed together to make a big bed. So Gun Gege is on his side and Cap Gege is on his side and I am in the middle of them.

What are we watching? I have a good friend in Korea and we normally watch a lot of series from many different countries. This series has been trending for many years because of the realistic representation of teenagers. This will really help my Geges. This mini-series is called ‘SKAM’. It’s from Norway but it has many different adaptations already in many different European countries.

We started at the third season because that is where the fun part starts. We are only on the first episode and I keep on controlling myself, “What’s his name again P’?” Cap Gege asked Gun Gege, “Woie read carefully na Ai’, it’s Isak.” It looks like Gun Gege is more focused when it comes to watching.

The episode continues, “Oh my Gosh there’s my daddy~” I cannot help it anymore and I ignore the questioning looks of my two Geges. I am gripping at the bed sheet tightly because of my freaking feels. “God damn it!! The !!” and the second episode started. Right now, the Geges cannot follow the flow because there has been too much happening, “Is it legal to kiss like that in school Nong? If we do that in University na khrab we will probably get suspended.” Cap Gege commented but I shrug it away, “We are in Asia Gege, they are in Europe.” That is my only explanation.

I suddenly hit Gun Gege’s arm, “Gege did you see that? Did you see that? They are eye ing in the middle of the school—OMG na kah Gege—they even slow motioned it my gosh~” then I shake his arm again and again. “Woie—woie—Nong—stop—it—na na na~” he is trying to stop me but I cannot help it.

“So—this Isak guy has a crush on that Even, Nong?” Cap Gege asked me while Gun Gege is still trying to pull his arm off my grip, “Neh—chai—Gege,” Now I am getting confused on how to respond. When Gun Gege finally pulled out his arm, “But why? They both look handsome na woie. If I have that kind of face na khrab people from university would probably chase me na khrab.” I roll my eyes because of Gege.

I paused the episode with the two lead making a weird sandwich, “Gun Gege, Cap Gege, Umma told me before that when you love someone—you will disregard everything. In the story right now—Isak is falling in love but he’sn also aware about the gender of the other person. I think the scariest part from him is admitting that he is falling from a guy with the same as him” see—my Umma still has good words of wisdom.

Both of them nod, “I understand~” they said in union and we continue watching.

We are all not breathing at the last part of episode two. I know what will happen of course. ing Sonya, I hope she drowns, “SHIYA!!!!” both Geges reacted and I can’t help but laugh. “Is cursing bad? But ers—he mis-leaded Isak na khrab. He let Isak felt like he is special na khrab then suddenly introduced his girlfriend. That’s a ing wrong move na.” I didn’t know that Cap Gege can serious swear because of a show. “Chai na Nong, that Even is a bastard—he is not being sincere na khrab with Isak. If he has a girlfriend, he should stop looking at Isak like he wants to eat him.” I like their enthusiasm.

“Gege kah, you need to watch the episodes very well. That will be a pain in the —I hate her woie.” I also ranted a bit but make sure not to say any spoiler.

So we play episode 3. Ahh I can remember the intense part here. I can’t wait for the Geges to watch it. Again we are all silent and we are concentrating in watching. Sometimes Cap Gege is shaking his head, sometimes Gun Gege is face palming.

“ARGHHH MOVE!! REMOVE THAT EMMA IN THE FRAME!! GIRL READ THE SITUATIN YOU ARE IN BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO WANTS TO EACH OTHER ALREADY!!” I am so triggered just by watching that girl sitting in between my ship. The three of us are doing a gesture to remove the girl, “Annoying na khrab~” Cap Gege said and I totally understand him.

I am anticipating for the next part and then, “Oh my God na woieeeee~” Gun Gege’s voice echoes in the room and, “They are looking at each other and feeling it na khrab!” Cap Gege follows. I smile in victory, “I know—I know damn it just already. It’s so easy to understand the desire of my Pappa Even~” I love that we are all understanding each other right now.

[pappa – daddy in Norwegian]

We are also pissed off when the kiss didn’t happen because of another character. “Woie this series is draining me na khrab—do you want something to drink—or eat Nong? I can get some food downstairs.” Gun Gege suggested but I was hesitant, “We won’t finish the series Gege if you will get food na kah. Let’s just drink water.” I suggested since I am getting thirsty from commenting too much. Good thing they have pitcher of water here in their room.

We set off to episode 4 and boy; I cannot hide my wide smile. So Sonya and Emma the two es in the story are back again and I am starting to hate them the more I’ve watched it. “Runway boys—runaway—go to another country—runnnnnn~” I said while passing the glass of water to Cap Gege. We are all looking at the flat screen TV very intensely.

We are all holding each other hands and Cap Gege is seriously squeezing my hand tightly while Gun Gege’s hand is so cold. We are at the pool scene. I hope we won’t shout loudly or else everyone in the house will knock on our door. I want to start counting—in 5..4..3..2..1, “ yeah!!!” I said loudly and the three of us stand up on the bed and started jumping, “Finally na khrab after many s between them!” Cap Gege said with visible happiness in his voice. “I am getting invested the woie with their love life than my own love story na woie~” and of course Gun Gege.

I laugh at how funny the three of us are. This is so exhausting—more exhausting than Hyuk Oppa’s party.

When we all calm down we stared off with episode 5 with steamy make out scene, “Wow!” Gun Gege said, “Ohh~” and that’s Cap Gege. But me? “Gege—did you see that? They are both using their tongue! Wow that’s hot just like when I saw Hyuk Oppa and Donghae Oppa making out!!” I am on different league. I’ve probably watched this series thinking how the actors aren’t falling in love with each other in real life after these scenes.

If I am an actress—I might have so many scandals because I will surely fall in love with my partner. This chapter started with a bang and Geges look more interested than usual, “So—they are dating na Nong?” Cap Gege asked me and I nod, “I think—yeah I think they are.” I am not sure too but I think they are dating in this episode already. We all become silent right when Isak is having some pep talk with one character that is openly gay.

“If I understand it correctly Nong, Isak still cannot accept his ual orientation, khrab?” I nod right away with Cap Gege’s question, “If I am also Isak na Ai’ I would probably feel frustrated too. I might be defensive too about my ual preference na woie~” at some point I understand Gun Gege’s point. “Neh, imagine this Gege. All your life you’ve been trying to live normally then suddenly a guy will show up and flipped your world. In Isak’s case—he has been denying who he really is na kah. His parents are also religious so this is a big problem for him na Gege.” I tried to explain it in a way that I can understand too. I grew up with a different family and I’ve been bullied because of our situation but I don’t blame my parents for being so in love with each other and for having me. I am thankful that they raised me well and give everything to me.

“Woie Nong, your parents raised you well.” Cap Gege shows his thumbs up to me and Gun Gege pats my back, “You are so open minded na Nong. Now I kow why P’Hyuk wants you to be our friend na khrab.”

‘Awww I am so touched. I am also happy to be here with them.’

We continue watching until the scene where Sonya and Even started kissing each other and Isak saw them, “What the !” the three of us said in union, “Why?? Why did he hurt Isak na Nong? Look at him—look at Isak na khrab—he looks broken. WHY????” As much as I want to answer you Gun Gege, I cannot give you spoiler. Cap Gege is surprisingly quiet so I look at him and he looks so upset, “Waeyo Oppa?” I asked him using my unusual soft voice.

“Just thinking Nong,” he answered still with soft voice. Gun Gege also looks at him, “thinking of what Ai’?” he asked and Cap Gege shakes his head, “like, what if it happens to me.” “Why? Did Ai’White try to cheat on you?” Suddenly, Gun Gege sounds so serious. Maybe the most series voice I’ve heard from him so far. Without thinking twice, Cap Gege shakes his head, “No—P’ why would he do that? But—of course I can’t help but think about it khrab.” Somehow—suddenly—I wish I have a sibling that I can confide my worries like Cap Gege and Gun Gege.

Gun Gege looks relieve, “you scared me for a bit—but Ai’ you don’t need to think about it. Think of it when you are on that situation and not when you are not on the situation woie—you will be paranoid.” I didn’t know that those words will come out from Gun Gege’s mouth. I am amazed. All Cap Gege do is sigh, “You’re right, khrab P’.”

We continue watching after that. We are on episode 6 now and we are not commenting because this is a crucial part. Both Geges are upset about the story so far, “I swear Nong, if they didn’t end up together na woie I will let Ai’Plan watch this.” Gun Gege is so weird, “Why share it kah with P’Plan, Gege?” I asked him but my eyes are stuck on the TV. Gun Gege answers right away, “I shouldn’t be the only one suffering woie—I need to share it to Ai’my friend.” All I can do is shake my head and also Cap Gege didn’t even say a thing. Maybe he knows his brother so well already.

As the episode continues the more annoyed we all are, “Arghh—Even khrab is getting on my nerves. He has a ing girlfriend—he is in a relationship why can’t he freaking keep his hands off Isak na khrab?” Cap Gege wasn’t sure if he wants to curse or be polite so he is using bad words and polite words at the same time. “He wants that Gege, believe me—he will wreak Isak once he has his hands all over him na kah,” I answered him back because I know what will happen next.

“Aw—somehow I can relate to this na khrab~” Gun Gege said when the episode ended, “You P’? How? You haven’t been in a relationship yet—you only flirted with girl na khrab?” Cap Gege asked his brother and now I am also interested. We all huddle in the middle, “Woie—it’s not me na khrab—I am more like Jonas na khrab and Ai’Plan is Isak. When Ai’Plan told me na khrab that there was this Ai’ that keeps on following him na khrab I thought ‘Woie—Ai’Friend na khrab will have a girlfriend soon’ but suddenly Ai’Plan said that it’s a guy. He was afraid that I might feel disgusted about him so I told Ai’ that it’s okay because P’Hyuk na woie has a boyfriend too. Ai’Plan later told me that me being understanding to him that time made his courageous to accept Ai’Mean’s love.” I nod while listening to Gege’s story.

“P’ khrab, Ai’Plan is lucky to have a good friend like you.” I cannot with these two brothers anymore. They appreciate each other when they need too. I put both of my arms on them, “You said Gege that my Umma and Appa raised me well—well I think vice versa too Gege. Your Umma and Appa raised you and Hyuk Oppa so well.” I didn’t imagine that watching this series will open up so many issues right now.

We stop being dramatic and play episode 7. I told them that we are almost done so they are both excited and besides it’s almost 2am. My inner fangirl is trying to control herself when Jonas (Isak’s best friend) suggested to write a straight up text message, “Chai—chai—do it~” and the comments still continues.

“nooo—no smiley~” See, they are more invested than I am. We are all tense when Even didn’t reply anymore though I know what will happen but I am still stressed out. “Freaking Even—you need to response or else you will lose the opportunity to have Isak~” I said in hope that he will shows up quickly and soon when Isak opens the door we are all holding each other’s hands again, “Talk khrab~” Cap Gege, “Aw don’t just stare~” Gun Gege, “Yes Pappa go get it. that ~” and that’s me.

Then suddenly, “OH—” “MY—” “GOODNESS!” For the second time we all stand up on the bed jumping like we are in the series, “! They are eating each other’s faces!” I commented again when Even is kissing Isak intensely then the clothes are being removed already. “Nong, are they doing it khrab?” I shake my head to Cap Gege’s question because I don’t want to spoil him. We all watch the scene with our mouth wide open.

“I didn’t know that seeing two guys kissing each other will be hot na khrab~” I smile widely when I heard Cap Gege.

‘Soon Gege, you will also experience that.’

Gun Gege is just watching there and even though he is commenting very well during the series, I am not sure if he is getting the essence of the series. Well maybe he does a bit but I don’t know if he can fully understand the story of two guys falling in love regardless of their gender—and like what Isak said it doesn’t mean that he likes Even is he is gay. What he is trying to say is that he is only attracted to Even and not to all the boys that he will come across with.

It was a fun journey watching this series with my Geges but it’s time to hurt them again with episode 8 playing and I just notice that the three of us are practically sitting closer to each other now with blanket on our feet. This feels like a legit sleepover, “Why is Even acting weird na khrab?” Cap Gege asked when the couple just finished having a steamy bed scene and now eating hamburger without any clothes on and only a freaking blanket. I swear I want to see what’s behind those blankets.

I shake my head, “I don’t know—Even is usually weird—neh? He drew a lot of random stuffs too.” I tried to be subtle in commenting. As much as possible, I don’t want to spoil the fun. My feet are getting cold and I hope no one will feel it because they will know that something bad will happen. “WOIE—did he ran away na Nong?” Gun Gege asked me and all I can do is sigh, “Neh Gege—he did ran away na kah.” This is one of the saddest part of the story.

“What the ! Sonya the na khrab is telling s—did she say that Even doesn’t even love Isak na khrab? Because I swear I will go to Norway and hunt her down.” Wow—this is a very big character development from Cap Gege. He is cursing and showing his diva side at the same time. “Neh Gege, but she said that he has bipolar disorder, Gege.” “So what if he has bipolar disorder na Nong? That doesn’t mean that he is not capable enough to fall in love and be loved khrab. I think Sonya is being a nasty who is jealous na khrab because a guy just snatched away her man. She plays dirty.” I cannot get over the fact that Cap Gege is so mad right now.

Gun Gege just listens to both of us having an intense conversation about the episode. “But you know, suddenly I understand why Sonya did that Ai’Cap. Imagine if Ai’White has a girlfriend and then suddenly Ai’White falls in love with you na khrab and dump his girlfriend. Woie that might probably hurt the girlfriend na Ai’ and wanted to have a revenge on you by ruining your current relationship with Ai’White.” That is a very nice visual representation. I smile seeing how bother Cap Gege looks right now, “Woieeeee—stop feeding my brain bad images P’! That won’t happen because P’White assures me that he doesn’t have anyone than me, khrab.” Suddenly I wanted to too, “How sure are you na Gege that P’White won’t have another girl—or boyfriend? You are not even officially together.” And there goes my smart brain functioning very well.

Oh how I like seeing that bother look from Cap Gege’s face. I think we have a name for this attitude that I have—it’s Kim Heechul’s attitude. “You know what—let’s just play episode 9, khrab?” but he cannot do anything because two people are teasing him and he knows his guilty to our questions.

I smile and play episode 9 which I know will make me cry later.

I didn’t even blink while watching because I want to feel it again the same feels that I have when I first watched this episode. When Isak started running the street desperately looking for Even my eyes are getting teary and inside the room all I can hear are the audio coming from the TV and the soft sobs coming from my both sides.

I just got teary but I didn’t cry because I was so distracted by Gun Gege’s loud sobs and Cap Gege’s hiccups. “Why are you crying so much Gun Gege?” I asked him because he is still crying up until now, “You—see—na Nong Heemi—it was such a beautiful moment—and I though Even—will commit—suicide na kharb~” he sounded more like a child crying over a spilled milk.

I turned to my other side where Cap Gege already stopped crying but still hiccupping, “How about you Gege?” I asked him and he has the saddest look on his face and his eyes are swollen, “That was—the worst thing that—could happen to someone na—khrab. When Isak received the—messaged, my heart—was thumping so hard—wishing that he would—run already but he—stayed in the church—until he realized—that he needed to find Even na khrab. Then the—music was so good—khrab and that one line—‘You are not alone,’ was beautiful.” I cannot agree more with both of them.

I smile, “They handle mental disorder issue very well Gege. I am glad na kah that Geges understand the series very well.” I said honestly and now we are only waiting for the last episode.

Episode 10 is just a feel good episode where they can wrap up everything in order with all the characters present. It’s really good having that warm Christmas feeling from the episode and having my new extended family here in Thailand. For me the highlight of this episode is the last few words on the ending credits saying ‘Alt er Love’ which means ‘Everything is Love,’ it has such a wonderful message.

We are all drain from the roller coaster emotion watching the series and it’s almost 4am. “P’Gun khrab,” while laying down on the bed, Cap Gege suddenly called out Gun Gege, “I still not sure khrab what I feel for P’White na khrab. I know that you also want to know about it but having P’White around is really fulfilling. My day is not complete na khrab if I wouldn’t see P’ but at the same time—I am also afraid that P’Hyuk will find out about him and also about what people will say about us. P’White na khrab is a really wonderful person and I don’t think I deserve someone like him but I also don’t want him to let go of me. Am I making sense na P’?” I let them have their conversation.

Gun Gege sighed, “Ai’Cap, I haven’t really experienced love just like how P’Hyuk feels right now for P’Donghae—that kind of love Ai’. You don’t need to force yourself to find out the answer to your question na woie but you also don’t need to settle down to what you have with Ai’White right now. Once you find the answer na Ai’, go tell him. In this world na khrab—many people will put you down but they cannot give you happiness as what love can give to you.” I think late night talk makes Gun Gege’s brain function very well because I agree with him very well.
 

“Khawp khun khrab na P’. I am glad that—you’re older than me, khrab~” I didn’t hear the next more words because my eyes are starting to close while laying in the middle of their beds. I drifted to the dream land.

WOW!!!!! VERY LONG CHAPTER MY GOODNESS!!!!!