Love is not like a lamp
That you can just switch on and off
If it could, I will switch it of now.
-Im Yoona-

It's really awkward when one of the people who hates you the most is sitting in front of you with a blank face. Im Yoona, with the puffy eyes and blank look. Somehow she managed to look like a mess in front of Jessica's eyes. The perfect queen is now a dull, and lifeless young woman.

“Do you want to drink something?” Jessica asked with the usual cold but curious tone.

Yoona shook her head, “I am not thristy.” She said.

Jessica hated awkwardness like this. She never had any sister, and crap, she even never had been with girls night before. In her old school all the girls avoided her like plague. Well with this type of behaviour, Jessica made up a wall and made sure nobody can get too close with her. She became annoyed, “You know what you hate me, and I hate you, so why are you here?” Jessica asked.

Yoona blinked, and looked at her. “I don’t even know myself.” She said.

“I don’t know how to comfort you, and don’t plan to. You should go to Luhan or your friends to talk about your...” Jessica tried to find the right words, she didn’t know but mentioning about Yoona and Sehun's engagement didn’t feel right even for her. “..issue.”

“Friends?” Yoona voice seemed bitter, “I don’t think they will understand what I feel right now.”

“Well, I don't think I do too.”

“I know.” Yoona closed her eyes, “I didn't expect that you suddenly will become a nice eonni and worry about me.” She continued, “I just want to get out from that house, from the news, from everything.” She leaned to couch, “I don’t want to hear anything about it anymore.” She admitted in low voice.

“You can’t avoid it, you're attending the same school as Oh Sehun, and almost all the Korean media know about you.” Jessica said in matter of fact tone.

“I know.” Yoona nodded, “All they can see and talk about is the 'perfect engagement break off.'” She chuckled bitterly, “They don’t know that one of the sides is suffering. But you know I think it’s better this way.”

“Better this way?”

“Yes.” Yoona said, “He will never love me. He will never see me, I am only Im Yoona. I am not the one he hope to see everytime he open his eyes. I am a mere responsibility, an obligation.” She said. Jessica kept her silence when Yoona started to talk, her voice was strong but at the same time so hollow. Like nothing's left with her anymore. “You know Oh Sehun never remembered my name until we got engaged to each other, we met once and I think ah...this boy is like Luhan, the heir of Oh. He is so cold that I sometimes wonder how did he become friends with Baekhyun, Chanyeol and D.O.

“He never smiled, but ah...he laughed sometimes with them. There I thought it’s not really bad if I'm going to marry with him.” Yoona hugged her knees but her eyes still look to the floor. “Then one day, bam! He smiled to me. A smile with sincere eyes. One of the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Then my heart feels like it's gonna burst, it beats so hard.”

“Then my days were filled with those smile, I want to see it again. I want to see it so hard, then without realizing, I fall in love. With him,” Her voice wavered a little bit, she closed her eyes, “It’s so maddening yet I'm happy. Just a thought of him would make me smile then my heart will jump when I see him. If I am not Im Yoona, I will skip in school.”

She smiled bitterly, “I am just another love sick puppy who hope to see him everyday. Even the reason I go to school, is him. I love to talk and spend time with him. Although he never speak much.” constricted. Yoona swallowed the big lump in , “I think..I think it’s okay if he doesn’t love me back yet, we still have lot of time. We will get merried eventually and he will fall for me.” Her tears started to fell, but roughly Yoona wiped it. “That's what I kept thinking, like a fool I keep waiting for that day.”

“Then Seohyun came into picture?” Jessica couldn’t help but asked.

Yoona opened her eyes and looked directly to her, Jessica didn’t know what she expect, but she saw pain and realization, “She had always been in picture. It’s only me that didn’t see it. She is..” Yoona stuttered, “She is so pure, so fragile and Luhan’s fiancee.”

“Like a fool, I forgot that Oh Sehun can fall in love. I am too engrossed with my own feelings and though ah he will love me but I didn’t know when he started falling for Seohyun.” Yoona choked out, “I love him so much, I think if I ignore it he would finally come around.”

“I hate her!! I hate her!! She already has Luhan wrapped around her finger, but why? Why must she have Sehun also?” Yoona screamed and started to cry, “I hate her because she is Seohyun. Because Sehun loves her.”

“She had done nothing wrong.” Jessica said.

“I don’t care. I want Oh sehun loves me.” Yoona shook her head, she tried to breath, “I hate her, Sica-yah. I hate her so much.” Yoona said, “I hate Seo Joo Hyun....I hate for making Sehun to fall in love her.” she struggled to take breath.

“I hate her....I hate her..” she chanted but then her voice trembled, “I hate him too. I hate Oh Sehun.” She closed with palms but her voice escaped slowly, “I hate him!! Why he can’t love me? Why he can’t see me? Why did he fall for Luhan’s fiancee. Why can’t he see me, who had always loved him?”

She hit her chest, “Why can’t he see that I am hurting? Why can’t he just turn around and see me waiting?” she asked Jessica, her voice desperated and full of sorrow. She had give her all but it never enough.

“I..” Jessica didn’t know what to say, and she couldn’t think why Oh Sehun failed to notice Yoona. For the first time, she didn’t know why her heart was in so much pain, why she wanted to hug Im Yoona. “I.. don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Yoona walked toward her, “Don’t you always know everything? Tell me!”  she grabbed Jessica hands, “Tell me Jessica-ah, why?” then Yoona fell down to ground, “Why can’t I hate him even I want to? Why can’t I just kill this feeling?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Jessica said in confuse tone, her chest constricted painfully, she wanted to kill Oh sehun for doing this to Yoona. She hated when Im Yoona cry. Why? It wasn’t her business, but she wanted to kill Oh Sehun.

Yoona looked at her, “You know, what makes me a fool? I still want him to be happy with Seohyun.”

Jessica mentally asked, why? Why can't you hate him like he deserved to? Why do you still want his happiness? Jessica can never understand why bother to love someone that you know will never love you back. But beneath all emotion that she saw in Yoona’s eyes she could see she is sincere with the words.

This stupid girl still wanted Oh Sehun to be happy, even when here she is, crying, like she would die tomorrow. Even if he had broken her to thousand pieces. Why?

Why would the selfish queen Yoona do that? Why she could be that loving girl? Unconsiously Jessica moved to hug Yoona and she said the words that she never thought she could, “Don’t cry. Don’t cry Yoona-ah. It’s gonna be okay, don’t worry.”

Yoona cried even harder and buried her head in her shoulder, “Eonni.”

“Ah.” Jessica closed her eyes and raised her hand slowly patted Yoona’s head softly. “Don’t worry it will be okay, Yoona-ah.”

Luhan stopped his track as he passed His grandmother office, the door was not fully shut, well perhaps their attorney came again. Luhan knew it wasn’t polite to eavesdrop but he can't help especially when he heard Seohyun’s name being mentioned.

“What do you mean, Detective Lee?” his grandmother voice seemed so peeved.

“Mr.Wu is trying to find the truth about his daughter.”

“Daughter? Are you sure it is not the son, He had an affair with Ahn Joohee exactly one year before Kris born.”

“That just an assumption, madame. They also meet two years after in China when Ahn Joohee visited her parents, and her parents has business relation with Mr. Wu company, they meet and had some dinner in that visit.”

Luhan frowned, and he wasn't stupid, he could make connection well. Two years after the first meet, that means the next year when Seohyun was born. Impossible. If Mr.Wu is investigating his daughter then it means...

“I thought Kris is the illegitimate son but then I guess its the daughter.” His grandmother said in calculate tones.

“I can make sure Seohyun is his daughter. Because Mr.Wu asked all information about Seohyun, since last year...” Luhan couldn’t hear anything anymore.

Everything became so blur, he didn’t know that Kris was an illegitimate son, he had an assumptions but he didn’t see it coming that Seohyun was the illegitimate kid of Seo.

Then why did their father treated Kris like trash while he never touched Seohyun? Why? Then does it meaned that Mr Seo didn’t know about it at all, so he just hated Kris not Seohyun. But why? Was Mrs. Ahn lying to him? Or Mr. Seo had his own assumption and Mrs. Ahn just let it?

For what?

Did Seohyun know? Luhan contemplated, but dismissed his thought, Impossible for Seohyun to know. If Mr. Seo didn’t know how could Seohyun know? Luhan didn’t think that Seohyun could lie like that to anyone. Then this matter was secret for Seohyun?

Luhan clenched his fist, he couldn’t let Seohyun knew about this then. She would be hurt by this, and that could....he couldn’t imagine Seohyun being hurt by her father. Then how about Kris?

Luhan’s train of thought disrupted by his grandmother voice again, “We can’t let Im family's line be tarnished by this,” she said in desperate tone, “But we can’t break off this engagement by the havoc that happened now.”

“It will damage Im image so much, madame.” Their attorney said.

“When Seo was dragged down by this, we can’t connet to them anymore or else they will drag us down, but we cant just recklessly break the engagement now.” His grandmother said, “This big dillema for us, Attorney Jang, please calculate which one will damage us the most....”

His engagement with Seohyun would be called off? Luhan wouldn’t let it happen!!! He didn’t care whoever Seohyun's parents are. He wouldn’t let those trivial matter drove Seohyun out from his own hand. He saw the image of Seohyun smiling to Oh Sehun, and how Oh Sehun smiled to her.

No way. Not now, not ever.

Luhan opened the door widely, “I will never break up with Seohyun!” he said with sharp tone. “I will not, Halmoni.”

“L-Luhan....you heard...”

“You hear me? I will not break up with Seohyun.” His grandmother stood up from the chair and tried to walk closer to him.

“Luhan-ah, hear me please. Can we talk about this?”

“There's nothing to talk about, Halmoni.” Luhan cut him and determined not to hear his grandmother. He would do everything for Im family but never this, he rather let the stock drop than to let Seohyun go. “I will never let her go.”

With that he left the room, he didn’t know what would he do but he would never let Seohyun go, he knew once Seohyun was no longer his fiancee, Oh Sehun would take the opportunity and take her. Never. She is his fiancee and will become his wife.

Luhan clenched the steerwheel tightly, what should he do? the public shouldn’t know about this mess. Seohyun would get hurt the most. But how about Kris? He deserved to know the truth. “!!”

Luhan punched the steerwheel. What should he do?

edited: heartsica 7/15/2016 5:34