Hope is fragile expectation
But hope makes you endure lot of things
~Seo Joohyun~

Yoona wiped Oh Sehun photo with her finger, remembering all the features. He was always so handsome, in their engagement party. Yoona never touch Sehun face, she was afraid that he would just go away.

She never saw Sehun laughed beside her, they were always together in formal party. Perhaps Sehun didn’t know but Yoona always waited for that moment.

She chose the right gown, she went to saloon early to have her make up. Just for Sehun looked to her.

Not as fiancee but as a girl.

Yoona prayed everynight, so Sehun would show that he like her back.

Yoona thought she had much times, that they would end together, she just kept waiting. Waiting until Sehun would looked at her.

Wait for someday Sehun would stand in front of her, with the same loving gazed that he gave Seohyun everyday in the drama club.

Yoona opened the drawer besides her bed, it was her treasure for these years. These years, the only one her hope. She searched for the white photo album that Yoona had from she was 15 years old.

She opened slowly the first page, she almost smiled when she saw Sehun with his mushroom cut when he was 10. His mother gave the photo when Yoona went to Sehun house.

She flipped another page, when their photo was taken at any formal party. Yoona almost still remembered that party that was one of the time that Sehun looked so happy, he was smiling.

He helped Yoona when her feet were sore after wearing highheels. They just sat on the park bench at that party when Yoona took off the high heels.

They didn’t speak, they just looked up the light from afar.

That moment just perfect, just two of them.

Many people said that they were perfect for each other. Yoona thought so too, she smiled not only she was the Im family but because she was really happy because of Sehun.

She thought Sehun would feel the same, she thought Sehun would care for her even a little. She didn’t need he love her as much as she did. Just 1%. Just a corner of his heart?

Not even once, Sehun ever hug Yoona, she thought Sehun shy. But if she were Seohyun would Sehun hug her?

Yoona drew close the photo to her heart, she wanted to hug Oh Sehun for once, just for once. To listen to heart beat, to pretend that his heart beat for her not for Seohyun.

Jealousy? Yoona almost never felt that in her entire life. She didn’t know that jealousy would be this painful. So hurt until it ripped her heart.

She just wanted Sehun smiled to her like he smiled to Seohyun.

Knowing her favourite juice, her hobby and her dislikes. She knew all about Sehun, she found it by herself.

They never had time to talk about it together.

“I like strawberry juice.” She whispered to the photo, “I like food so much, I like ice cream, Sehun-ah.” Yoona covered with her palm. To prevent her from cry.

“I love acting, Sehun-ah, so much. Just like you, I want to enter the acting academy.” She said, she caressed Sehun photo with tip of her finger.

Her eyes became blur, when Yoona realized that she had cried harder, “Do you know something again? I love you.” She said, “I love you, I love you so much. It’s hurt!! Can you see me?”

Yoona dropped the album from her hand to the floor, as she covered with her palms, she sobbed so hard, she didn’t sure how this pain would just disappear.

Foolish. She confessed something that Sehun would never hear, but she wanted Sehun know about it.

At least she could say it, and hearing Sehun said that he loved her back.

No.

Sehun didn’t need to love her back, he just needed to hug her for a while, to pretend that he cared about her even for a day. Just one day.

Yoona wanted to pick the photo when she heard her phone rang. Yoona choked with her tears when she heard Sehun ringtone in her phone.

The special ringtone for him. Just for him.

The strong Im Yoona would pick up the phone, and pretended that nothing happen to them. The usual Yoona would answer the phone with her normal polite self.

She wished she can. But she was too coward to pick up the phone, without choking her voice. With trembling voice.

Each time the phone rang, stabbed Yoona deeper, deeper than anyone else. She already lost her determination to ignore it.

She wanted to hear Sehun’s voice even a little while. Just a little. She needed to hear his voice.

She wanted to hold her voice in her heart.

Yoona checked her voice mail from Sehun, her finger tremble when she touch the screen.

“Are you asleep, Yoona? I am sorry then to distrub you.” His voice seemed hesistate. “I want to meet you, but if you sleep we can talk at school. Are you crying? Don’t cry, for person like me. I am nothing for you cry out. You deserved someone more, someone who for you. Who will love you and you will love whole heart, not by arrangement.”

Yoona wanted to scream, it’s you!! It’s you!!

“don’t cry. And I am sorry ---Yoona-ah. I am sorry, Yoona-ah.”

That time Yoona let the phone fell to the floor as she fell to the floor also, why why now he just called her Yoona-ah.

the pet name that she longed all this time, but why, why Sehun just called it for farewell, why didn’t he call her like that earlier? Why?

Hearing his voice just making her wanted to see his face.

And then it striked Yoona, Sehun was here because he said wanted to see Yoona. Yoona wanted to see him also, Yoona ran  to outside her bedroom and dashed to the main balcony.

The balcony where she could see outside the gate even.

Yoona opened the door, and she felt like someone knocked the air out from her lung, when she saw Sehun back walked away.

She wanted to call his name, but somehow her voice didn’t come out. she wanted to see his face, to see the real him in front of her so much. Just to hear him call her

Yoona-ah. Yoona-ah.

“Sehun-ah.” Her voice hoarsed from crying, “Sehun-ah. Turn back.”

Sehun stopped in front of Yoona’s house, he never paid attention closely to the decoration or the garden. But somehow he knew where was Yoona’s room.

He gazed to Yoona window. Was Yoona already sleeping? She didn’t want to believe that Yoona cried, that made him felt an strange ached in his chest.
Sehun took out his phone to call Yoona, he dialed Yoona’s number just to hear the voice mail.

‘Hi. I am Yoona, I am sorry I couldn’t answer your phone, leave your message, please.’

Sehun just realized how polite and calm Yoona’s voice was. Sehun gulped before talk. “Are you asleep, Yoona? I am sorry then to distrub you.” He hesistated for a while.

Before he spoke softly, “I want to meet you, but if you sleep we can talk at school. Are you crying? Don’t cry, for person like me. I am nothing for you cry out. You deserved someone more, someone who for you. Who will love you and you will love whole heart, not by arrangement.”

He couldn’t imagine that he was the one who hurt Yoona. If he just could love Yoona like he loved Seohyun.

He cared about Yoona so much, Yoona was also important hence he did it for Yoona also. Because he wanted someone better than him.

Someone that Yoona choose by her own, who could love her a whole of her live, love her until he couldn’t walk away from her. Not someone who cowardly loving her brother’s fiancee.

“don’t cry. And I am sorry ---Yoona-ah. I am sorry, Yoona-ah.”

Sehun never used that named to Yoona, Yoona-ah. Somehow that words flew smoothly from his mouth.

He waited for one more minute, to make sure that Yoona was okay.

“Be happy Yoona-ah.” He whispered to the empty air, and turn back to walk away. He closed his eyes, he wished that someone would make Yoona felt better.

He hoped that someday Yoona could get someone who love her wholeheartedly not Sehun. that person was definitely not Oh Sehun. he hated himself to hurt Yoona.

Everystep that he took make his chest heavier. He was a fool.

He hurted someone that so good, hurt his fiancee but one side he was longed for someone else, his heart missed to see that person face.
Just seeing her smile make it alot easier.

He was such a jerk. He was the bad person.

He didn’t realize where he stopped his car! He wanted to laugh cynically, but he couldn’t. He stopped at the home of someone that he could never have.

He just wanted to see her face even just a small glimpse.

Sehun didn’t know how long he waited when he realized a car stopped in front of Seohyun’s gate. Luhan opened the door for Seohyun and sent her to the front gate.

Luhan pulled Seohyun in his hug, and kissed her forehead.

Sehun wanted to that he was that one person who would kiss Seohyun, who would hug her. Even after he fight with Luhan. He wanted so much, he wished that this couldn’t be complicated.

Sehun felt a pang in his chest. His chest clenched so hard. He was really jerk, he hurt someone and then he felt hurt now.

He deserved it, he deserved all the pain.