Song: Monsta X - Because of You

(Part 1)

When Sojin’s soft lips were parted from his so sudden, Yoongi snapped back to reality and found out what mistake he had done. Sojin was still pinned against the wall, her pupils were wavering nervously like someone who had been caught red-handed in the middle of committing a crime.

“I’ve gone too far.” Yoongi mumbled. “I’m sorry.” He felt he needed to apologize as quickly as possible for his behavior. Sojin wasn’t just a girl he met someday and wanted to make out with her. She was precious to him and the fact that he might have ruined all things he’d built between them step by step for the past few months, was scaring him.

“You should leave, Yoongi.” She blurted, her voice was trembling along with her lips.

“Sojin, listen, I’m really sorry. That wasn’t what I intended to do.” Yoongi explained quickly and tried to approach her but Sojin put her hand on his chest and prevented him from getting any closer to her.

“We can’t be like this. Please just leave.”

Sojin walked past him and stood on the other side of the apartment with her back facing him. Her tears were threatening to fall and that made her more uncomfortable. She couldn’t believe that she gave in to kiss him and actually she felt good when his lips were on hers. She wasn’t mad at Yoongi or his action, she was mad at herself that she enjoyed every second of being with him. It was love between them all along, she rejected her feelings all the time but now everything was clear. She had feelings for Yoongi. She felt the love and longing she hadn’t experienced in years and that made her feel guilty for two reasons. First, she was Dowon’s mother, she devoted all her love, time and energy to him, she was happy when Dowon was happy. Second, how could she do such a thing to Yoongi, it was selfish to expect him to be with her when she was a mother of a five-year-old.

Yoongi didn’t want to give up on her like that, he approached her, grabbing her arm lightly, he turned Sojin around to face him.

“Sojin, don’t be like this, it was a mistake, give me another chance...” Yoongi was close to pleading her, which was rare compared to his personality. But he wanted to make things right. He had to.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” Sojin glanced at him with watery eyes. “Did you forget that I’m Dowon’s mother?!”

“No, I didn’t.” Yoongi replied without knowing what was she meant by it.

“My life is all about Dowon, I can’t be in a relationship like others. No, I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t want to ignore Dowon.”

“Who said you’re going to ignore Dowon?!” Yoongi couldn’t see things from her point of view. He didn’t mean to throw Dowon away but the opposite he loved Dowon and wanted to do everything for him too.

“And you…” Sojin started again, her mind was so occupied that she couldn’t control her thoughts. “You’re a young and hardworking man that... that... every girl wants to be with you and I’m a single mother with lots of responsibilities... my love life has already ended while yours is going to start.” 

“It’s not an excuse...” Yoongi shook his head in disbelief. “I love you and I love Dowon too, we can be...” He confessed finally but Sojin wasn’t in a state of accepting him nor his feelings.

“Please... I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Sojin cut him from saying things that he might regret someday. “I don’t want to be in a relationship again. It took me so long to get used to my life and I don’t want to go back again.” She muttered and looked away from his longing eyes.

“Sojin ah...” He grabbed her hand as a last try to win her heart but she pulled back her hand.
“Please understand.” She gave him an emotionless look, she had already buried down her feelings.

Yoongi stared at her for some seconds, in the complete silence of the room, he tried to find a sign but eventually, he gave up.
“I’ll understand...” He stepped back, his face was soulless. He glanced at her one last time before muttering a quiet goodbye.

Sojin watched him leave and after he closed the door behind, Sojin fell to the floor, tears she had kept were now streaming down her face. I did a right thing… yeah, I did the right thing… but why it hurts so much…

Almost a month passed. Sojin tried to avoid Yoongi as much as possible. But on the other hand, Yoongi was trying to stay close as a friend to Sojin although it was impossible for her to be his friend now. Sojin didn’t talk to him and left all his calls and texts unanswered but he didn’t give up on her.

However, he was hurt by her rejecting him but the more he thought about that night the more he couldn’t understand Sojin. He believed that Sojin had feelings for him too but whether it was because she was afraid to admit it or needed time to accept it, she tried to push him away.

Sojin was confidant to erase him from her life until that afternoon that she got several phone calls from Yoongi.

She was at her workplace, talking with one of her colleagues over some tasks. Her phone rang but after she noticed the calls were from Yoongi, she ignored and kept doing her task till she received a text from him.

‘Sojin please call me back. It’s about Dowon.’

Her heart skipped a beat as he mentioned Dowon. She called him back immediately.

“Yoongi, what’s wrong?” Sojin asked nervously as soon as he picked up.

“Ok, please don’t panic... Dowon had some pain in his stomach so I brough