I decided to head out for some late lunch. I’m neither hungry nor full but I’d rather do something than mope and cry my eyes out. It was drizzling when I was about to leave so I only took my jacket and pulled the hood over my head.

I walked into a fancy restaurant and ate after the waiter served my food. It’s either the quality or my tongue refused to function as well coz it tasted bland and uninteresting. Even the background music didn’t affect me.  The flower on the center seemed dead to me and smelled like earth.

I left some cash on the table and left. The streets were empty since it was raining hard already and the winds were drastic. I zipped my jacket and snuck my hands on the side pockets.

My feet moved in an unknown direction. The heavy winds swayed me but I continued on. I kept my head down with eyes only directed on the road. Vehicles would honk at me but I ignored them.

I realized I was moving away from the city when I noticed a lighthouse on the edge of the shoreline. My eyes were glued to it but my feet moved forward.

I was starting to breath heavily upon approaching an uphill road. I planted both hands on my knees to pull them up as I walk. As I reached the top, my wheezes were replaced by a gasp. A breathtaking view captivated me and my feet were drawn to it in an instant.

Trees were swaying with every whistle of the wind and it was music to my ears. Cold droplets of rain splashed on my face as I looked up and it was refreshing.

After passing under huge trees, my feet stopped on the edge of a cliff.

My knees would normally shake at the sight of moving waters beneath me. My hands would tremble when fear eats me. My stomach would withdraw all the food I ate when cold wind slaps my face.

But it was the total opposite. I felt peace and happiness. The crisis is over. The chaos has vanished. I smiled from ear to ear to the inviting waves. My eyes glistened through the sea. Bits of stones dropped after my feet moved further then voices popped in my head.

‘Don’t do it Sunmi!’

‘Don’t be stupid!’

‘It’s not worth it!’

‘Think of your little brother!’

‘I love you Sunmi!’

I stopped at the last 2 phrases as it commanded me. They were like a ray of sunshine fighting with the rain. But the sudden rush of euphoria seeping through my veins was far more addicting. I yearned for it and I want it.

I closed my eyes and spread my arms out. I leaned my body forward. As gravity took over, I glided down the cliff.

Every part of me tingled as my heart pumps gallons of blood. My senses were sharpened. I can hear better. I can smell a musky perfume from a distance. I can already taste the salt from the sea.

Time also stopped for me. I started to forget about the pain. The impossible became possible. I flew, didn't I? All positive emotions went back and it was beyond great. If dying feels this good, then I'd be glad to die a million deaths.

I plunged into the deep icy water. I sank deeper and deeper as my feet weighs me down. I didn't bother to pull myself up. I'm afraid that the happy thoughts and positive emotions would go away if I struggle. My hair floated while my arms were still spread out.

My lungs burned for air and I tried to take a breath but ended up in water. My head pounded and I can feel the pressure around me. There were spots dancing in my vision. My mind went peaceful. Then I saw mom and dad smiling and waving back at me. They reached out their hands and were calling my name. My lips curled up then I laced my fingers to them.

My world faded to black. 'Finally...'