I was on my seat waiting for the plane to land. I had my phone in one hand and the plastic card Sehun gave me in the other. The sky was crystal blue and cloudless as I stared from the window. It was clear and sunny but my vision is gray and dull.

Right now, my mind is running wild. Things seemed off and wrong. Talking, eating, sleeping suddenly requires a lot of effort. I can move but everything seemed in slow motion. As much as I want to think of all the good things, only failure and uncomfortable experiences comes into my mind. It’s like my brain only allows a torrent of negativity.

I cried even if my body is no longer moist enough as it should. The sobs that I hear soothes me and it became my friend. I also gained another friend, a glass wall that shields from the rest of world. People appear blurred. Their voices became muffled.

“Juhgiyo…” a finger poked my arm.

I looked up and saw the flight attendant smiling down at me. “We have arrived at our destination and it’s 12:00 noon local time. Welcome to Jeju!” she bowed.

I was too caught up in my own world that I didn’t notice I was the only passenger left. She took my backpack from the compartment and handed it to me. “Here you go! Enjoy your stay agashi!” she bowed again.

After securing the straps on my back and fixing my cap and shades, I walked out. My phone has been ringing nonstop so I turned it off then hopped into a cab. “Annyeong haseyo agashi! How can I be of service to you?” the elderly driver asked.

“Please take me to the most expensive hotel in this island.” I murmured.

“Right away!” he smiled while I stared at the window as I hug my bag.

My mind continued wandering off at the scenery. Tourists would normally gawk at the blooming flowers, gasp at the marvelous ocean, smile at anything that interest them. But it all looked the same for me, black and white, stationary, and plain.

The old man probably noticed me getting lost in space when he called me out. “Any problem agashi?” he beamed through the rearview mirror.

“Aniyo…” I croaked and glanced back quickly.

I placed my chin on my palm after leaning my elbow to the window.

“Ehem! Uhmmm… What made you choose the beautiful island of Jeju?” he asked to break off the awkward silence.

I actually didn’t have the urge to talk. Carrying on a normal conversation became a struggle plus, I can’t seem to express my thoughts anymore. But refusing an old man was like refusing to my own father. “I dunno… I just thought its right…” I looked down to fidget with my nails.

“Aren’t you supposed to be happy? You made the right decision, y’know! This island is magical. It can wash away anything that pains you.” his quirkiness reminds of MC Jaesuk during the auction.

As much as I want to continue the conversation, I can’t make up a decent sentence with the jumbled words in my head. I faked a smile to him and look back at the window.

“Aigooo~ You’re too young to be stressed and too pretty to look old. Be yourself! Be proud! Be confident! And most of all be happy!!!” he raised a hand in the air to rejoice. I turned to him and replied with another smile.

He slowed down in front of a luxurious hotel and eventually stopped. “We’re here agashi!” he turned to me with the biggest smile on his face. Had I not forgotten what it’s like to be happy, we would totally clique.

“Kamsahamnida…” I bowed and handed him some crisp bills.

“Ehh? But this is too much!” he returned some but I refused.

“It’s okay… You deserve it…” I turned to leave after the bellboy opened the door but he held my shoulder.

“Sweetie, always remember that every new day is another chance to change your life. Keep breathing, a’right? Hwaiting!” his tone was fatherly and soft.

“Neehhhh…” I bowed to him and left.

I approached the check in counter and the lady bowed to me. “Welcome to The Shilla Jeju! How may I assist you today, ma’am?”

“Can I have the most expensive room, please?” I muttered while standing stiffly.

With the way she raised an eyebrow and stared at me from top ‘til bottom, she was probably thinking how an ordinary girl can afford such an expensive space. It’s either I’m crazy or a joke.

I slipped my passport and card to the counter. Then her eyes bulged at the glimmering plastic. “I’ll process it right away. Would there be anything that you might need?”

“Nothing else…”

“Ermmm… The presidential suite is currently taken. Would the royal suite be fine with you instead?” she asked.

“Mhmmm…” I mumbled.

After a few minutes, she handed me my key card. “Enjoy your stay agashi!” she bowed.

“Thanks…” and I left.

I tossed my backpack on the plush bed and sprawled on top of it. I closed my eyes in hopes of getting a decent sleep but an image of Sehun making love with Jiyeon popped up. “ YOU!!!” I cursed and sat up. Seeing them agitates me. I am disgusted for them. I despise them. “UGGGHHHH!!!” I snapped.

I paced in front of the bed with clenched fists. “Deep breaths Sunmi… This will all be over soon! Just bear with it… Relax… Don’t let them affect you anymore…” then I slowed down.

I sat on a lounge chair by the balcony and fiddled with my phone. Dozens of messages came in:

Where are you sis? Let’s talk, please! – Jinsuk

Sweetie, answer your phone. I’ve been worried sick about you already. Please Sunmi! Don’t do this to us! – Teddy oppa

Yo sis, please come home now. I miss you already. Let’s go eat tteokbokki. My treat! – The Mighty Gdragon

“Crazy oppa~” a chuckle involuntarily escaped my mouth.

Sunmi, where are you? I’m coming to get you! – Kris

Seriously… I need you beside me. I can’t breathe without you. You don’t wanna see me die right? Come back now, please! – Kris

“Miahn…” I sighed.

I intentionally skipped Sehun’s messages and continued reading. As my thumb slide through the screen, a call came in and I accidentally answered it.

“YAAHHH!!! OH SUNMI!!! TALK TO ME!!!” Kai’s voice vibrated even if it was not on speaker.

I blew out an air and drew it closer to my ear. “Yeah?”

“WHERE THE ARE YOU??? TELL ME!!!” he demanded.

“If you keep on yelling at me, I’ll hang up…” I said in my softest voice.

“Fine! Now where are you?” he calmed but voices erupted around him.

“Am I on speaker?”

“YES!” they all answered. “Okay, I’m gonna hang up now…”

“No! Wait!” Kai pleaded. “It’s not anymore… I swear!”

“What do you want?” I wondered.

“Ermmm… Are you okay?” “NO!”

“Can I come and get you?” “NO!”

“Come back home then!” “NO!”

“For sake, Sunmi! What do you expect us to do if you won’t let us help you?” “Nothing!”

“URGHHH! You’re driving me crazy!” I can sense the desperation in his voice and I too would feel the same if I were in his shoe. “Look Jongin… I’m really sorry okay? Please stop worrying about me. I’m perfectly fine.”

“No you’re not! So before I ask help from the armed forces to hunt you down, go back here! RIGHT NOW!” “You’re crazy… Tell my uncle and my brothers I loved them, okay?”

“NO! I won’t tell them! Sunmi-ah! It’s not funny! Whatever it is you’re thinking, don’t ing do it! I beg you!” and he became quiet.

My heart sank hearing him cry. Kai is not the type who gives into his emotions unless he’s helpless and miserable. He could be the second youngest but he has always been the toughest. Crying for him is not an option and he was really good in hiding his feelings.

It was a good thing that we’re not face to face or I would’ve broken down right away. If Sehun never existed, he would’ve been my sky. “Jongin?”

“Hmmm?” he sniffed. “You take care a’right? From now until forever, I’ll always be here…” I clutched my chest then a tear fell.

“Sunmi please! Don’t do this to me! I love you so much! Pleeaasseee…” he whispered. “I love you too… Goodbye, my Kkamjong…” I drew my phone away and wept.

“NOOOO! SUNMI NOOO!!! JEBALLL!!!” he pleaded and I curled in my seat.

His voice became hoarse from yelling and crying. Hearing him cry drained me, how much more if it was Sehun. Just the thought of him shedding a single tear was like a dagger being struck straight through my heart. My love for him is eternal. I may have gone crazy since I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. “Sehun-ah…” I sobbed.

I was too distracted that I forgot to end the call when all of a sudden another voice came on. “Baby? Talk to me, please? I beg you!” he said.

I pressed my lips together and forced my trembling finger to the screen. ‘Miahnae…’ then I hung up.