Seungri closed his eyes. In less than one hour, he'd be back there again. Every year he made sure to visit her on her death anniversary; it was a matter of fulfilling his duty. It was supposed to be just about paying respects to the dead rather than drowning in sorrow, but for some reason, stepping foot in that place always seemed to skew the lines closer together.

But now, as he turned his head to glance out to the scenery as it passed him, he felt different about going back. The past three years he'd gone, nobody else mattered but Hara. Thinking of Suzy covered him with guilt.

He didn't want to lie, but the thought of telling Suzy everything was more than daunting. It was terrifying to think about, having to bear out his soul. He'd never talked about Hara's death before, at least not the way that he knew Suzy deserved to hear. She respected his privacy enough to leave the topic alone, but it was obvious how much she wanted to know. But he was convinced she would walk away because of it, and that was the last thing he wanted.

Why does everything have to be so complicated, he asked himself wearily. Then again, it was his fault that it even got to this. He was the one sorely lacking in trust in their relationship. When everyone he learned to care about left at any moment, it became that much harder to trust the next person who came in to his life.

Seungri took out his phone absent-mindedly and opened it. Suzy's smiling face popped up on the screen. He closed the phone. After a moment, he flipped it open again. For a long moment, all he did was look at her face.

Suzy sat on her couch in a daze. Hey, I just saw Seungri at the ferry station. Why is he going to Jeju?  Bora asked over the phone.

She had no answer for it.

Wasn't he going to Busan? To meet some of his university friends for a reunion? As the questions arose in her, fat drops of tears fell on her lap. Suzy blinked rapidly, trying to push them away, but to no avail. Why did he lie? Why did he lie to her like that? Amidst the silent sobs was the one question that topped all the rest.

Why was he going back there?

Seungri entered the churchyard with a bouquet of white orchids in his arms. As he walked along the concrete pathway to where Hara was buried, he looked up at the dismal sky. It was already close to 8pm and he had yet to find a place to stay for the night. He hadn't thought about finding one, since once he'd arrived at Jeju, the first thing he thought to do was go directly to the cemetery, which was a good one and a half-hour bus ride. Though he was physically exhausted from the trip, his nerves were acting up. Being back here was causing enough anxiety.

Eventually he reached it. Looking at the sight now, he guessed her parents had already come by, with new candles and fresh flowers in place. Seungri knelt down on his knees and said a prayer first. Afterward, when he put the orchids down on the ground, Seungri sat in front of the gravestone. He let out a deep breath. Since she'd died, he'd come and done the exact same thing. Now it had a whole different meaning.

His gaze remained fixed on her name. As though she was alive and sitting beside him, he said, "Hey Hara."

"I'll regret it if I don't tell you now," He said, holding her shoulders firmly. "I'm…"

Hara stared back at Seungri with those big brown eyes, waiting. "What? You know Mom's waiting for me at home. Hurry. What is it?"

"I love you."

Her body froze in shock. The shock couldn't have been more transparent on her face.

It was like he'd been released of all this pressure inside his chest. Slowly, he let go of her and stepped back slightly, now able to think clearly. "I've been in love with you for a long time, Hara. It took me…five years to get the courage to tell you. I'm one big coward, I know."

"W…what?" In confusion, Hara shook her head rapidly. "Seungri, you can't be. No, we're such good friends. How…how can you be in love with me? Y-you're probably confusing it with-"

"I'm not. I thought that at first, but…every time I see you, you do something to me. I don't know," he said, a small pained smile on his face. "Things like this, I don't think anybody can control it."

"I…" She swallowed, afraid to tell the truth. "I love you too, Seungri. Just…not…" When he slowly nodded in return, she could see the defeat. She hugged him tightly. "Even if I don't feel the same way, you're still the only one that matters to me, do you understand? I'm not going to lose you. I won't. So please…understand me."

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. "I understand you, but I don't give up that easily. I'm just letting you know now. I promise, you're it for me. For life."

"You can't make those kinds of promises at twenty years old, you idiot," she murmured affectionately. "But I'll hold you to that promise. But IF and this is a big if. If at some point in time, I ever fall in love with you and I confess, that's when I'll release you from that promise."

"But that makes no sense. Once you're in love with me, then we can be together."

"Oh I don't know about that. You might be with someone else at that point."

"I just said I won't love anybody else. Why don't you believe me?"

"Because. No one can predict the future. What if something happens and someone else comes along and takes you away from me? Then you won't want to wait for my feelings to change and who knows where we'd be at that point?"

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough the first time. I'll always love you, I promise."