This review is very long and full of honesty.

Title (2/5):
The title isn't the best but isn't the worst but the real problem is that it doesn't seem to relate to the story right now. I feel like this is a normal non-au idol story which is bad considering wizardry was mentioned in the beginning and in the description, making me think that's what it was about. So, as of right now, the title isn't very fitting nor unique/eye-catching.

It does relate to the foreword but as I said right now, there's not much wizardry going on right now.

Description/Foreword (3/10):
As of right now, the description - I feel - seems to have nothing to do with the story because there's no real focus on any two people from the groups. The focus is scattered and everywhere. Not much past the second chapter mentions wizardry so I feel as if it's a bit misleading because I expected more about this wizard crap but there's not much of it. 

Not only that but I don't find the description very compelling. It doesn't make me want to read it because it reminds me of cliché fanfictions that pollute the website, there's not much that screams unique here.

The poster is misleading as well because if you REALLY look at it, it makes me think that this is more of a Harry Potter AU when in reality, it's not an AU at all, really. It's mostly just idol life at this point. There's a castle in the back which makes it seem like there's more of a wizard vibe but as of right now, there's nothing about it so the poster was pretty misleading. The poster is nice, don't get me wrong, but doesn't really relate to anything right now. 

I think more should have been added about the wizardry instead of focusing on the stuff you have been such as the idol life. This isn't fantasy like tagged either, there's no fantasy in it. I think the concept was executed wrongly because if you're going to do wizardry stuff, I wouldn't have done the idol life alongside with it, it isn't compatible with one another.

Plot (15/50):
Truthfully, I don't think this concept fits with the plot. The whole being idols and... wizards or whatever was supposed to go on. It doesn't go hand in hand much. This is more of an AU type of concept and with this story, it just doesn't fit.

Also, what's the main conflict here? I don't see a real problem that has to be solved. If the conflict is about whoever liking whoever and them trying to get the person's attention, then that's a pretty weak conflict. 

Also, I doubt this band would be performing at MAMA unless they have the popularity of one of those generic girl groups. I feel like a lot of this plot is illogical and I just can't figure out what the real problem is here, the conflict of the story seems to be missing. And the plot conflict is not about an OC trying to get the NCT boy to like her, that's not a real conflict (if that's what the conflict was supposed to be, I can't tell).

Another thing. I cannot see YG actually wanting to collaborate his artists with SM for many reasons. They've always had a compeition between them and there have barely been collabs between their artists. Maybe JYPE and SM considering Amber had Jackson AND Min in her MV for Shake that Brass but YG and SM seems unlikely in this time.

This though: “So you side with YG now?” Camilla argued. “He still hasn’t realized how big the ARMY and EXO-L fandom is.” I am VERY positive that YG knows as EXO and BTS are considered competitors to the groups under his company. YG's personality is very off in this story. Not only that, but it's just very illogical to have them work together, it's like you're trying to force them to interact more which is why this concept doesn't fit with the story.

I would have stuck with the original concept because it's kind of lost after chapter two, there's no mentions of wizardry anywhere which is what the original concept was, no? I think you shouldn't have combined NON-AU with an AU concept, it just doesn't work. I don't see how being a wizard, which they don't seem to be, relates to idol life which is what this story seems to be heading towards.

The best advice I can give is to stick to one thing which seems to be the idol portion. Wizardry just doesn't fit right now, it would make more sense if it were like a Harry Potter AU where they're in a school, but not idols, but there isn't much mention of wizards so I'd consider changing it but you don't have to, I'm just the reviewer here. There's a lot of illogical things here too and I don't understand the main conflict as of right now.

*Writing Style/Flow (9/20):
I do remember you saying English isn't your first language but I will grade this section the same as I grade it in general. There were a few issues with grammar and I'll list them here.

1. Changes in the Point of View.
It starts in third point of view but then goes to a sentence in a different point of view. 
E.g.: We write the number on the door using a pen put near there, the number which leads to the place we want, and open it, then walk through it.
This isn't third point of view hence the use of 'WE', which is first point of view. But then it switches back to third immediately which is a no-no. Changing point of views is always not good, in my opinion, because they should be in one point of view only. This doesn't seem to happen often but I figured I'd point it out.

2. Lack of commas.
There are some places where a comma is missing.
E.g.: "Oh my… another day of hard work!" She exclaimed tiredly, then dragged her body to the kitchen and made a quick light breakfast.
Fixed: "Oh my, another day of hard work!" She exclaimed tiredly and then dragged her body to the kitchen, making a quick, light, breakfast.
This is a better way of wording it and the use of commas do matter with sentences such as this one. They prevent run-on sentences.

3. Lack of italics on character's inner thoughts.
When a character is thinking inside of their head, hence the reader only being able to know what was said, you should italicize the sentence to avoid any confusion. Or, if you prefer, you can use ' too. Italics usually work better but both methods do the job.
E.g.: OK, which songs should I play? She thought while whipping her fingers up and down on her smartphone screen.
Fixed: Okay, which songs should I play? She thought while whipping her fingers up and down on her smartphone screen.

OR

'Okay, which songs should I play?' She thought while whipping her fingers up and down on her smartphone screen.

4. Usage of words.
E.g.: Her playlist is full of Kpop and US - UK songs. She moved to the Favorite playlist.
Fixed: Her playlist is full of Kpop and English songs. She moved to her Favorite playlist.
Instead of saying US and UK, they both speak English and It sounds odd to say US - UK because it would be "US and UK", not a dash (-). And instead of 'the', it'd be her since it's her playlist.

5. The story has a lot of moments where it sounds unprofessional and very childish, although this is not for school or work, writing is still considered professional/proper.
E.g.: " Thank you. OH MY GAWWWDDDD! IT IS NCT V LIVEEEEEE!!! Bye girls for one minute". 
This isn't something you'd use in a fanfic.

6. The excessive use of letters and ~.
E.g.: "Andddddd~~~~ of course you have listened to  " YOLO" which lyrics are written by me.  I encourage teenagers like us to live life to the fullest and do not mind the negativity or fear. Remember You Live Only Once. Be free like meeee! "
Both of these things can be seen as obnoxious in some writing, especially the '~' thing. I know of many people who dislike using that and reading it in a story, you don't see books with excessive letters or symbols either usually.

7. The dialogue doesn't seem natural nor does it sound like a real conversation someone would have face-to-face.
E.g.: “It is great to see you fan-girl to us right in front of me. I must tell the members. What is your most favorite song in ‘Youth’?” 
There's a few other things but I forgot where they were. Some of the dialogue just doesn't seem natural, it sounds very.. fake? Just... not how people would talk in real life.

8. Lack of details.
There's a bit of lack on details at certain parts. There's more dialogue and not enough detail to explain things thoroughly: more detail is always better than less. It's all dialogue it seems which doesn't further the story much, it just seems kind of endless with all the dialogue, maybe adding more detail will help. 

As for the flow, I feel as if it's a bit rushed, they're already collaborating (which still seems very illogical considering the companies...) and there's not much background information given on the events happening.

Characterization (3/10):
I wasn't sure where to really put this but I'll put it in this section since it is fitting. The first problem is that there doesn't need to be a character chapter because the characters are going to be introduced in the story one by one, this chapter is pointless. If you open a book, there's no such thing as a 'character list'. There are a lot of OCs but they don't need profiles, they're in the story and they will be introduced then. -2

The OC females are what I don't look for in characters. They're idols but they really shouldn't be if they act this way. Idols can express their love for each other's music, many do, but the way they do it is not logical and wouldn't be seen as flattering. They seem obsessed which is concerning. They also seem like they try too hard which is eh. Also, why use their English names if they have Korean names and... are in Korea? Just makes sense that Korean names would be used.

Nothing stands out about any of the characters which is a problem, they all seem rather cliché and unrelatable for the most part. I don't see them as memorable characters. Not only that but there are too MANY characters, I think you should have chosen two to focus on, not them as groups because then there's just too many to remember and some of them don't seem needed/useful right now. I would have chosen whatever NCT boy and whatever.. OC, and focused solely on those two to develop something between them. Again, this concept just doesn't work.

I can't even talk about them because I feel like they're flat with the personalities. There's not much to them and since there's a whole group of OCs from both sides, there's just too many characters to follow with since they're ALL main characters it seems. As I said, focus on one male, one female from each group and have a story for them, the other characters should be background characters.

YG is stupid here, literally. I know he's pretty dumb in real life for the mess with 2NE1 but what in the name? "“So you side with YG now?” Camilla argued. “He still hasn’t realized how big the ARMY and EXO-L fandom is.”" - YG wouldn't say this, as I mentioned before, since he knows considering this is his competition. PSY has even mentioned BTS and their popularity, obviously the CEO would know.

Personal Enjoyment (2/5):
There's a lot that I don't really like with this and it's the concept plus idol life as I said several times. It just doesn't work in my opinion. The characters do fall a little flat and I really couldn't see a plot conflict as of right now, it hasn't shown. I tried to find it but I just didn't see it. Again, every story can have potential but I do think there needs to be less focus on all of the characters and more focus on two of them since it's a bit scattered right now.

Also, I'm just one person out of a lot of people on this website so just because I didn't fancy it, doesn't mean someone else wont.

Let me tell you something though, I just remembered this was your first story (I think you said) and it's a lot better than my first story on this website. I have a second AFF account (it was actually my first one where I had posted this bad fanfic) and I ended up deleting it because it was a MESS. I think for a first story, you're doing pretty good but you do still need improvements, as do all authors. There's always room for improvement and if you keep trying and don't let criticism like this get you down, you'll improve quickly. Always consider criticism you receive because you can grown and learn from it, that's how I became better as well.

Total (39/100):
I feel bad for giving such a low score honestly but I won't give pity points, that's dishonest pretty much. I think the idea you had in the beginning was decent about the wizards but adding the idol life really tipped it the wrong way, it made it turn into another cliché fanfiction which I was hoping wouldnt be it. The poster was well made but it doesn't give the correct vibe as it shows it being more of a wizard AU, not a non-au idol life story.

My main advice would be to really plot out your story on paper. Find the conflict and maybe start focusing on the main roles; one male, one female. The grammar isn't really the issue here because it's not terrible, I've seen worse English from native speakers which is saying something. There is a lack of detail on some things because I feel like there's too much dialogue and too many characters. I think steering away from the idol life in this story could enhance it as well, focus less on that and more about what the story was supposed to be about; the wizardry.

I hope this doesn't dishearten you or anything because a number is just a number and sometimes, you have to hit some bumps in a road before you can win. You won't win the first go every time so just keep doing what you're doing if it makes you happy. That's my main advice, you'll improve over time because trust me, it takes time to improve. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll get far.

If you have any questions, concerns, or want to discuss anything - I'm available in PM or you can drop me a comment whenever and I'll try to help. Please don't forget to credit the shop (as stated in rule three) and I hope you have a good day/night.