info

review

部分1

Move On
story link: here

部分2

author
noonayoung

部分3

reviewer
vecember

TITLE.
just by looking at the title i'm guessing someone (probably namjoon) is going to move on from possibly a relationship or even the house he built according to taehyung. thats going to be my prediction before reading, really.

well im guessing my prediction was right. the title is a bit too obvious to how it'll end but nothing you can do about that.

DEscription/foreword.
there's a few weird sentences, here and there. like this line here: "but, don't you think it is a waste since you took charge of designing and building this house since a year ago? you even decorated it yourself." Taehyung protested." 
"But don't you think it's a waste since you took charge of building and designing this house a year ago? you even decorated it yourself."
the reason i switched building and designing around is because it just sounds better to me, i have no idea why. i also remove the since from "since a year ago" because that didn't really make sense in the context it was used in.

the last part "nam-joon fighting!!!" is kind of out of place and sounds "unprofessional" to put it that way. it's not really necessary so maybe removing that would make it sound better.

PLOT.
kind of generic plot. it's the whole "childhood sweethearts but several years later one is married to another man/woman" kind of thing. i've seen it before and it's nothing special really. it kind of had a predictable ending. 

WRITING STYLE/FLOW.
The one thing that was weird to me is how namjoon was wrote as "nam-joon" no one really types it as nam-joon. it's just one of those weird things and personally, i've always written namjoon (as has everyone i know who writes/roleplays). other then that, just like the previous stories this one does have other awkward grammar. this time, i'll really only point out ones that really stand out because i think you get the jist by now. 

the story made a huge time gap from prologue to chapter one which i guess makes sense but damn. seven years(?) is a lot.

CHARACTERIZATION.
i like how you kept the "god of destruction" vibe on namjoon ahah, that's always fun to read about. the one thing i didn't like from the start was the female oc, she sounds too much like a child in the prologue. i didn't really like her though.

and who is sebring- i think that was a typo at the end of the epilogue.

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT.
IT WASN't my type of story sadly (plus i only like seeing v with suga since i'm taegi trash as hell) and iti was a bit too predictable, there wasn't much plot twists within it to make it stand out. and i don't know if in the prologue it was made clear if she was a child or just a spoiled brat that acted like one. i can't really tell. this review kind of seems shorter than the other ones but i tried not to pick out many mistakes since they're minor, minus the description since that's the most important part considering thats the first thing people see. i think i said everything i needed to so there we go! three outta five done :p