Notes From Reviewer

Title 

First impression of the title isn't the best on me mostly because I dislike puns but it's not a title I've seen before so I do give props for that one. Having a unique title is always hard to achieve but when you have it, you know you don' good. After reading the chapters though, I don't see what the title really has to do with anything. She doesn't really seem to have badluck (since jinx means something or someone that brings badluck) considering she chooses to keep her days the same. She doesn't really try to make a name for herself, she just acts like a generic character.

Description & Foreword 

Just from the description, I have no clue what's going on honestly. I'm guessing that part is going to show up somewhere in the fanfic, or maybe not, but that's what people usually do to catch people's interest. It's a good tatic because it does make you want to read it to know what the hell's going on but this is me talking before reading the story. What I got from that is that Jin is a lowkey playboy from the last part, "he wishes to continue with short-term flings." 

With the foreword, I will be blunt about it; I really don't like it. I've been asked to review many many many stories with those "character" things and there's no use to it (also, the colored fonts are not needed at all), I've said it before and I will say it now: if you're good at describing your character those are not necessary at all. In a book, they don't lay out the characters for you, you read the book and learn about them as it goes on while being introduced to new ones along the way. I still think that some people only use those because they're insecure about their writing so they have to actually TELL people what the characters are like and I just hate it. The moment I saw the foreword I knew I'd say a good amount about it. People know who the characters are from the tags, the whole "characters: you, jin, baekhyun" part. I don't know, I've just always hated them because there's really zero points in telling me about the characters in a foreword when you can tell me who they are through the story itself. Another thing is you put for the girl that no one knows anythimg about her, not even "me", which I assume is you. You should never mention yourself in a story since it's not you, you wrote it but it's still not YOU who is a character.  It's just always irked me and now I'm going to shut up. 

Plot

There's one line that bugged me in the first chapter before I even really started reading, I was skimming through at first. "from all the taunts and mocks the teachers have given me." Wait what? You do realize the amount of teachers like this is few to none and in South Korea, I doubt the teachers are like this at all. This seems very unrealistic since I've been to MANY different schools and never have I ever met a teacher like that let alone "teacherS". Teachers are not there to mock and taunt students, they're there to teach you and if they don't do that, they get fired. I've never had a teacher say anything bad about a student besides saying that they need to grow up. You didn't just say one teacher though, you pretty much said most or all of them considering the plural term teachers. 

Another things is the "cliques". High school really doesn't have that much cliques. Sure, there's the athletics since every school has the athletics department and my school had cheerleaders but really, there are not many cliques. All the cheerleaders at my school were smart (most) and were kind. There we no jocks, just idiot guys (though some football players were honor students). Also, people aren't called nerds for wearing glasses or "glasses-bangs" as you called them, those would be mostly be defined as hipsters.

Looking at the second chapter just screamed cliche and unrealistic. No matter how good looking you are, you will NOT become the topic of the WHOLE school, most people will pretend you don't exist. When I transferred 3rd yeear, no one even knew I was new. They figured I was just there, I'm not saying I'm attention grabbing worthy but still, new students (unless they make a scene and GET a name for themselves) will not get attention by just joining the school. Plus, considering students DO join in the middle of school no matter what grade (I've seen it happen, people join mid-year and even leave the school mid-year to transfer), this is just so so unrealistic. There's no way in Hell that Jin can honestly be the ONLY person to join middle year. 

The part where Jin breaks into her house is ridiculous, only movies do this considering it's illegal to break into someones home. Also, you should try to refrain from using the word 'retard', it's a pretty offensive word to use and it shouldn't be used lightly or at all honestly.

Overall this plot screams cliche, cliche, cliche. All high school AU's turn into this type of story and it get repetitive, boring, and just isn't unique anymore (not that it ever was unique)

Writing Style 

Just from reading the first chapter (first few lines actually), there's a few things I don't get. For one, you capitalize random things that don't have to be. 
Example sentence: "They were sitting in their Mom's room on her Bed, four hours before their Birthday Began. You can sense the fangirl blood that runs in their Veins." This is just weird.
It should be: "They were sitting in their mom's room on her bed, four hours before their birthday began. You can sense the fangirl blood that runs in their veins." Though, just skimming through the fanfic, looks like you've capitalized a lot of things that shouldn'r be capitalized. It looks odd and it's up to you if it's fixed or not but I would get out of the habit of doing that, it's kind of bothersome to look at. 

Also from looking at the first chapter without reading it, you switched point of views. It started in third, changed to first. In my opinion, it should have stayed as third point of view. I'm sorry but first point of view stories always have been a turn off for me. I'm guessing the "third" point of view is the "flashback" but flashbacks can be done in third point of view. I've done it myself and it really isn't hard.

I feel like I'm reading a journal though, not a story. The writing at some times seems too casual for a written work. "Class/Corridor/Bus/Cafeteria", you wouldn't do this. You'd put "...when he walked into the class, corridor, cafeteria, or the bus." Putting bus at the end is more fitting as well considering it's not IN the school like the other ones are. Then right after it there's a list, this isn't a grocery list. This really just feels like a journal being read off by some girl. You're asking the reader questions and for what reason? The readers aren't in the story, they don't need to be acknowledged. Another thing is the spacing. Sometimes it looks like you doubled spaced it, sometimes it's obvious it's single spaced. It's kind of awkward. Also, in chapter two on the bus scene, you spelled Jin's name as Kim Seuk Jin, not Seok Jin.

You keep saying "In case you were wondering", not to sound mean or anything but I really doubt anyone IS wondering, so there's no need to keep saying that. No one thought she was a lesbian until you said "I'm not a lesbian in case you were wondering." Like what?

Characterization 

When it comes to what I've seen so far, being boring doesn't make you a target for being made fun of. I was boring as HELL in high school, I never went to parties, never hung out with people outside of school, never got made fun of. Also, no one was thinking the character was a 'talentless freak' until you said that. THEN people are like "oh, okay." (that was me at least) because everyone is good at something. Again, being smart doesn't make you a nerd, it makes you intelligent.

None of the characters are amazing, they're all generic and cliche. The main character is similar to a lot of the fanfics I've been requested to review in the past and it's boring. Baekhyun's showed up what - a few times? So I can't even comment on him and Jin needs help if he's gonna break into a girls house JUST to ask her to a dance... 

Flow 

First point of view is awful in my opinion, I can't really stand it. The use of "I" over and over against just doesn't fit well in stories. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. In this case, it really doesn't. First point of view is like the point of view everyone writes in to stay 'safe' since it's the easiest. Not many people try to go into third point of view because it admittedly takes more time. I feel like I'm reading some girls journal with too much complaints and cliches in it that don't really happen in the real world often. The marriage thing does happen, yes, but still. Some, if not most, of it is just so cliche and I've been to two different high schools, not once was my experience like that. No one did 'spit balls' in any school I've gone to and I've gone to what- 6 or 7?

The story seems rushed as well, like one moment, Jin is in the story and then they're going to the dance to each other when they don't even know each other. AND HE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE? That's just what the hell? Go to my school or not, I'd call the damn cops. 

Personal Enjoyment 

Not my cup of tea at all, the first point of view, the too fast of a pace, the weird capitalizing, it was just not my thing at all. The character things in the foreword are just not needed, as I said, there's definite room for improvement. I tried to be as honest as possible and I hope it didn't come off as rude considering I am trying to help you here but some things just need some touching up. When it comes to P.O.V, you stick to what you're comfortable with but still, it sounds too much like a journal of a girl's life with the way it's written. If that's what you were going for (which it doesn't seem like you are) then you did it but if you aren't then oh boy.