info

review

部分1

The Fate of Two
STORY LINK: HERE.
 

部分2

AUTHOR
LADYERROR

部分3

VECEMBER

部分4

TITLE.
THe title doesn't really stand out as unique but it seems to match the theme/plot of the fanfiction so that's what mainly counts. If I saw the title myself, I probably wouldn't click on it to read since the title is pretty generic as i said before but the title isn't horrible.

DESCRIPTION/FOreword.
Holy hell, that is one long foreword. honestly when i looked at the foreword i went "oh boy." because honestly, i think that's a tad too long. forewords/descriptions shouldn't say too much about the story or people won't want to read. making it small and subtle makes the fanfic seem more mysterious and that'll make people really want to read because they'll be curious. honestly i think all you need is the description.

for the description, that's good. it's shorter, simple, and makes people wonder what the hell's going on. but then you get to the foreword under it and it's just like "oh." best tip would be to just keep the description but i'm not the author so you do whatever makes you happiest! :) 
MOVING ON, THE DESCRIPTION ISN'T BAD, IT REALLY DOES MAKE PEOPLE WONDER WHO IS THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS AND THEN THEY'LL READ TO FIND OUT.

PLOT.
I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE I GOT A LOT OF WHAT IS HAPPENING JUST BY READING THE FOREWORD. TWO GUYS, ONE LIKES THE OTHER BUT THE OTHER DOESN'T LIKE HIM AT ALL. IT KIND OF GIVES AWAY WHO WAS "THINKING" IN THE DESCRIPTION. THE CONCEPT IS KIND OF BLAND, NOT ORIGINAL - I'VE READ STUFF SIMILAR TO IT SO IT DOESN'T REALLY MAKE ME WANT TO READ ALL OF THE CHAPTERS THOUGH MOST OF PEOPLE ON THE WEBSITE SEEM TO LIKE PLOTS LIKE THAT, NO IDEA WHY.

WRITING STYLE/FLOW. 
There's some quirky things here and there like in the foreword (which really shouldn't be there - i'm gonna stress that a bit) but you said "i never like you." where it should be "i never liked you." SINCE THE PHRASE IS SAYING THAT HE NEVER LIKED HIM IN THE PAST, KIND OF THING. (I'M BAD AT EXPLAINING SORRY). 

onE THING I DONT GET IS WHY YOU ITALICIZE (I THINK I SPELLED THAT RIGHT) THE WORD "HYUNG" AFTER SOMEONE'S NAME. IT'S JUST KINDA WEIRD BUT THEN SOMETIMES YOU DON'T DO IT SO I HAVE NO IDEA.

THE EXCESSIVE USE OF "????" OR "?!?!?!" IS KIND OF EH, IT'S DISTRACTING FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW WHY THOUGH. MAYBE MY ATTENTION SPAN JUST REALLY ING .

aT TIMES, LIKE IN THE FIRST CHAPTER WHEN DONGWAN IS CALLING HIM, HE HAS "INNER THOUGHTS" THAT SHOULD AT LEAST BE ITALICIZED SINCE IT'S NOT SPEECH, IT'S JUST A THOUGHT INSIDE SOMEONE'S HEAD.

Another one i found is in the first chapter where you said "where's him?" it should be "where is he?"

CHARACTERIZATION.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T GET MUCH CHARACTER PROFILES BESIDES THE FACT THAT 'JIN' IS CHILDISH AND LIKES ERIC, WHO WAS A LITTLE TOO BLUNT WITH HIM BECAUSE IF HE DIDNT BE HONEST, THERE'D BE FALSE HOPE (THIS I AGREED WITH, I THINK ERIC DID THE RIGHT THING), THEN DONGWAN RANDOMLY PUNCHES ERIC BECAUSE JIN'S A LITTLE SENSITIVE. IT SEEMS LIKE ONE CHARACTER'S ACTIONS CAUSED A HUGE CHAIN REACTION WHICH COULD REALLY CREATE SOME DRAMA (WHICH CAN BE GOOD FOR A PLOT)

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT + FINAL COMMENTS.
FOR ME, I'VE NEVER REALLY HEARD OF THESE PEOPLE BEFORE (AND IF I HAVE I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT THEM AT ALL) SO THIS ISN'T SOMETHING I'D READ IN MY SPARE TIME AT ALL. THE STORY IS A BIT TOO CLICHE? FOR ME SO IT'D BE A PASS ON MY WATCH. IT WASN'T AWFUL THOUGH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING. IT'S JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA! ALSO I DIDN'T READ ALL OF THE CHAPTERS SINCE THERE'S A BIT MUCH.

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING AT THE SHOP AND DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT THE SHOP IN YOUR FOREWORD (OR WHEREVER YOU DEEM FIT) AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, ASK! HAVE A GOOD DAY.