DARK AMBIGUITY by LittleArtemis

VᴇʀꜱᴀEᴍᴇʀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ Archive。
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REVIEWER'S CORNER
i really like the poster so whoever did  it  did a very good job.

Also the name Kim Yoongi literally had me pausing because I thought about taegi immediately. bless my shipper heart LOL.

Anyways, don't forget to credit the shop.
dark ambiguity
LINK
BY littleartemis


Title:
I do like the title but why is the title in all caps- I feel like I'm being yelled at for some reason (I don't know why). The poster makes me think that it will definitely be dark in a sense but it makes me wonder how dark it'll get.

After reading, I looked up the definition of ambiguity and it means "inexactness" as the title does sound cool, I don't know what Dark Inexactness would mean, unless you used a different word for it like- Dark Uncertainty but since this is a lame title, you used ambuiguity instead which can be seen as clever. I don't really see how it's connected to the story as of right now but who knows, that's bound to change as the story isn't complete since sometimes the title being linked to the story doesn't happen 'till the end.

Description/Foreword:
The description seems kind of cliche. The "Kidnapped and forced to live under his watch for reasons unknown." part made me think it was cliche because I've seen many, many, stories where the main OC is kidnapped and forced to be under someone's watch. 

Also since you have a beta, you should probably remove the part where it's saying you are looking for one unless you need two which I don't think you do.

As for the prelude, I don't really like that it's in first P.O.V considering the rest of the story is in third P.O.V. It's inconsistent. Though as a prelude, it does it's job for introducing the story.

Plot:
Kind of cliche as I said above with the kidnapping aspect and the "falling in love with the winning card", now I'm not saying it's 100% cliche, nothing can be that cliche unless someone really tries but it does have some cliche aspects in it. The arranged marriage aspect with Go Haeri is also really cliche since arranged marriage is a huge, huge, thing on this website.

I don't think an orphanage would let someone come look at files for a girl (or any child) out of the blue. I think there would be more steps to that considering they usually need to do background checks to make sure the person isn't bad so that was something I found kind of unrealisitc. Though apparently she seemed to be kicked out which is technically illegal.

I'm guessing that Sehun is eventually going into power since it's predictable. The story doesn't have many exciting plot twists so far and everything is pretty generic. Maybe there will be plot twists later on. 

Writing Style/Flow:
Chapter two has a small typo. When they were talking about the authorities not being able to find Kim Yoongi, you spelled success as "sucess".

As for flow, the time seems to leap very quickly at times. Like it said "three months later" then the next chapter it said "one month later" which is four months already gone. Seems a little quick for me but maybe that's how it's intended to be since filler chapters are no fun. 

Characterization:
Although I've seen this before I like how Sehun pretends because he needs to keep up the image but inside, he doesn't really like his wife, etc. But Sehun seems too manipulative for my taste, seems like a casual douchebag person in a government role (most of those people seem like rich douchebags to me). He just seems like too much of a douche to like as a character but somehow, Sehun (or Kai even) fit the role since they have that "face". I don't like how Sehun threatens the characters to get what he wants though, that really brings on the manipulative side.

Sehun seems like he has "Psychological Manipulation" -- a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through abusivedeceptive, or underhanded tactics.[1] 
The process of manipulation involves bringing an unknowing victim (Kim Yoongi) under the domination of the manipulator (Oh Sehun), often using deception, and using the victim to serve their own purposes.


Personal Enjoyment:
There's something I wanted to talk about since it kind of bugged me throughout the A/N of each of the chapters. I'm going to be brutally honest here because I've seen people do this too much and it's almost sad.

Read it if you want, if not that's fine because I do get ranty with this stuff (this doesn't have anything to do with your story).

This is just a tip as a reader, but I wouldn't ask for comments or say you want the fanfic to gain more popularity. That sometimes makes readers feel forced to do so and sometimes can make the writer look desperate. Some stories take forever to get recognized (some take 2 years to be featured), my post popular fanfic (not here on aff) took almost a year to get the amount it had. Your fanfic is not even a month old, you're expecting results from a month old fanfic. It takes months sometimes for a fanfic to be noticed.

Sometimes it seems like it won't come but as long as you keep writing for you, then everything should be fine. It's like a youtuber said, even if you get no recognition, keep doing it if you love it because it'll all pay off in the end. The story has potential despite the cliches and you just got to not pay attention to the statistics as much because that will discourage you like it already has.

Also begging for upvotes does also make you seem desperate and many readers hate authors like that. And saying you feel demotivated makes me think that you're only writing to gain popularity on a website that doesn't matter in life. As an author, YES, it is discouraging to have little to no people comment on something but should that stop you from updating? NO. If you enjoy writing, keep doing it. Don't worry about if someone comments on it or not. It's not about the comments, it's not about the subs, it's not about the upvotes. It's about you liking what you're writing, that you're ENJOYING yourself. I wrote a fanfic and posted it, by chapter 8, it had maybe 8 comments. I didn't care though, i kept updating and posting. Why? Because I love writing. 

This line "BUT GUYS SERIOUSLY I HAVE 22 SUBSCRIBERS AND ONLY ONE OF YOU COMMENT. WHAT IS THIS RATIO?!" makes you seem very arrogant, if you want me to be honest. Who cares if you have 22 subs and only one of them comments? At least you have ONE person even saying anything when you're acting like that.

Saying that readers get on your nerves will DRIVE THEM AWAY. "BUT SOMETIMES YALL GET ON MY NERVES SOMETIMES." (You repeated sometimes twice by the way). You should appreciate the people that take the time to even look at your fanfic and subscribe, even if they're silent readers. Even if only one person comments, then that should be enough. Just because someone isn't actively commenting, them hitting that subscribe button SHOWS their support and you shouldn't take advantage of this. I even looked at your A/N's of your other story and they didn't seem as desperate or forceful. 

This website is a sad place because it's all about damn competition now. It's about who can get the most upvotes, most subs, who can get featured. And for what? What do you get out of having a name on a website that will not matter in a few years? My point is, it's NOT about the competition and I hope while you're on this hiatus, you think about the things said here. 

Another thing, if you really want feedback, that's definitely why review shops are here. They're for feedback. Now, review shops may not be able to help in every aspect since we only read what's given when there's an unfinished story but that's that.

I'm not trying to be mean but someone has to say something when it comes to this stuff. I've always stayed away from people who do that stuff because really, why write if you just want recognition? If it's not a passion, why do it? 

Anyways, I'm going to shut up as this part is the longest of the review which is kind of sad. Sorry if I sounded mean but I'm honest. I really hope that because your story isn't getting a lot of recognition that you just give up because that would be absolutely sad. 

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