info

review

部分1

stay
story link: here

部分2

author
noonayoung

部分3

reviewer
vecember

部分4

TITLE.
stay isn't a very exciting title. it's been used too much as fanfic, story, and even song titles (ex. mblaq's and blackpink's stay) so something more exciting would have been better but once it's there, it's there so no need crying over spilled milk (though i would cry since i like milk-- lmfao).

DEscription/foreword.
It may just be me, but i feel like the text in the description and foreword are a tad too big. besides that, it's okay for looks. for the description, there's a few grammatical errors that can be easily fixed.

it says: 1.6.16 - It's a date for both of them to get married. But the saddest truth is that they are not marrying each other.
After spending more than 100 days together in Jeju island, what kim jun-myeon and Han mi young will choice on their best day?

for the date, I think it'd look better if you actually wrote it out instead of using numbers (though if you did this, deleting 2016 would be necessary because then it'd look stupid). so what i think it should be overall is (changes will be marked in white):
January six (or june sixth if you are doing the date differently) - It's the date for both of them to get married but, the saddest truth is that they aren't (ARE AND NOT WERE COMBIED BECAUSE IT LOOKS NEATER) marrying each other.
After spending more than one hundred days together on jeju island, what will kim junmyeon and han miyoung choose on their best day?

for the second part, there was weird grammar that made no sense so i tried to fix it for you. as for the names, i always thought it looked strange with the dash in the middle since most people write "junmyeon" or "miyoung", personally, i just use korean since it's more proper but in this case, i don't really see either way as proper(?) if that makes sense which i think it doesnt haha. anyways, the main thing that needs to be fixed is the second part with the weird placement of words.

PLOT.
this a small detail but i like the "stay for me" and then "stay for us" as chapter names. though, honestly, now that the story is published and finished, i don't think that teaser chapter really needs to be there. it's kind of pointless now that people can just... read the next chapter. if anything, i'd delete that. I was honestly confused to what the hell i was even looking at until i saw "teaser for next chapter". 

i saw that this was your first time writing in present tense. it's not bad for a first attempt honestly, little shabby but if it's your first time then you'll definitely improve. but for the plot it's kind of... cliche? junmyeon and miyoung meet, they fall in love but they're both getting married?, then they end up having a happily ever after, i don't know - all of it seems kind of cliche to me. generic, even. i did see that you wrote these for a writing competition with prompts but still.

WRITING STYLE/FLOW.
The font was way too big honestly, like i'm not 100% blind so i don't need it that huge. though, i do like the fact that you italicized flashbacks to make it distinct between what is a flashback and what isn't.

throughout the story, there were words missing that made sentence sound very awkward. like for example, the first chapter, second paragraph. "pulling her cardigan closer to chest" it should be "pulling her cardigan to her chest" so there were minor mistakes such as this one.

Some words were also used in the wrong tense. like in the third paragraph of the first chapter. "junmyeon shook her in desperate." it would be "junmyeon shook her in desperation." because he is desperate but you wouldn't use the word desperate.

these are honestly just small mistakes, nothing huge, but sometimes they could be distracting.

i found another one where he said he gulped at her baldness and i kind of laughed, i'm sorry. i'm guessing you meant boldness? easy typo (i typo a goddamn lot so i can feel) but you might want to look through it once more.

one more thing, instead of dahyun you put dayeon? i don't know if it was supposed to be two different people but if it isn't, it's a typo. 

CHARACTERIZATION.
nothing really stood out between both characters. they seemed like the characters you can find in any story with generic-ish characters. they didn't seem unique to me. the one thing i did like about miyoung though is the fact that she said her and junmyeon were still techincally strangers at that one part (in the first chapter i think), it shows that she knows that it's still too early and not many authors add that kind of stuff in, they just rush into the relationship crap.

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT/notes.
Not my kind of fanfic honestly, nothing against you - i'm just very picky on what i read if i'm looking for myself (plus i never really read on here). but it wasn't bad, pretty good for trying something new. also, this review is a little late, i'm sorry about that - 100% my fault. this would have been done earlier if i hadn't gotten caught up with... video games. coughs. anyways, if i missed anything i apologize and i hope this review helped! don't forget to credit the shop and i'll make sure to have your other requests done asap.