info

review

部分1

Beauty Incarnate
story link: here

部分2

author
kokobee

部分3

reviewer
vecember

部分4

overall mark
??/100

TITLE.
The title is pretty fitting since an incarnate is a representation od a spirit or entity in human form which is kind of what the main character is. I'm guessing the beauty part of it is that she takes the body of the casual "queenka"

DEscription/foreword.
FROM READING THIS DESCRIPTION, I DON'T REALLY SEE IT AS REALSTIC, JOYS OF FANFIC WRITING OF COURSE, BUT WHAT MADE ME KIND OF GO "EH" WAS THE QUEENKA THING. IN ALMOST EVERY HIGH SCHOOL, SCHOOL KINDA AU, THERE'S ALWAYS A KINGKA OR QUEENKA AND I DON'T REALLY GET WHY. WHETHER THIS ASPECT GREATLY EFFECTS THE STORY, I'LL FIND OUT, BUT AS OF JUST READING THE DESCRIPTION I WENT EH.

ANOTHER THING IS THAT THE DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD IS TOO FANCY AND OVERDONE FOR MY LIKINGS. I DON'T SEE THE NEED FOR THE "TITLES" SUCH AS ABOUT THE STORY, AUTHOR'S NOTES, CREDITS, ETC. THE SUBTITLES ARE TOO BIG, AKA THE PINK TEXTS, AND IT'S JUST ALL TOO FLASHY. most people just use the description for the "about the story/summary and the foreword for credits and author's notes.

PLOT.
the body switching kind of plots aren't original, thre are very many fanfics, books, movies and so on about this kind of thing. you did add your own elements to it though such as having the guardian angel, kris, and it's not really "switching" bodies, it's more of taking one over which is also a nice element. so it's good that you added your own things to it to make it your own while adding a good twist to a pretty cliche plot, so good job with that aspect.

But it's quite cliche in the fact that the oc magically becomes sori when in reality, she should become a different person, not someone who already existed. It's too cliche because then she gets the guy she was delusional over. i do like that she freaks out a little bit when she notices but eh. 

WRITING STYLE/FLOW.
the font and size make the story look quite neat, which i can appreciate. the story did flow very well though and nothing seemed completely rushed. grammar was perfect, no mistakes, so that's good too.

CHARACTERIZATION.
the one thing that made me go "ew" was the fact that the oc said "my channie" when he really isn't even hers to begin with, her character is very typical and seems like a lot of the other ocs out in the afF world. She seems way too delusional and not relatable. if the man has a boyfriend, she shouldn't be pinning like that. and when she dies, she only thinks about dying a ? i don't get that. i'd be more concerned about the fact that i was damn dead.

jay park seems like the only smart character from the first chapter. he knows danger and this oc just doesn't listen even though she should have. then kris comes in and he seems like a smart character that can balance out the not-so-smart oc.

kai is the typical bully people put in stories but he doesn't make much of an appearance.

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT.
the story could be headed in a good direction,  but with this many chapters it's hard to tell really. there could be a plot twist near the middle/end and i wouldn't know. my only advice is to keep writing, do what makes you happy. something good can come out of this, most first stories come off slow but remember to write for yourself and not for others. :)

Anyways, don't forget to credit the shop, if you have any other questions let me know!