It’s so rare for people to get a miracle, but now that Billie and I are given one to think that we’re not even asking for it anymore is just so heartwarming. I don’t know what we did right to even be given these wonderful blessing, but we are so thankful for it.

“What are you doing?” my wife asked upon walking in our room.

I looked at her then smiled “I’m getting rid of my perfumes” I answered while carefully putting each bottle in a box.

She chuckled then stood beside me “There’s no need for you to do this” she grabbed the box from me then pulled out the bottles and put them back in their original places.

“Kenken” I faced her then sighed. I cupped her face with both hands then looked straight into her eyes “I don’t want you to feel sick because of these perfumes…you hate the smell of it”

“Kwon Jiyong” she sighed then wrapped her arms around my neck “There’s only one perfume that I hate” then grabbed the bottle “This” she said while showing it to me.

I sighed “But that’s my favorite” I whined.

“It’s my favorite as well….but I hate it as of the moment…so….” she put the bottle in the box then smiled “Let’s keep it here first….don’t worry….once I give birth you can use it again”

Up until now, I still cannot believe that she’s pregnant and that I’m going to be a father soon. This is really a miracle, I’m telling you. Both Billie and I are not expecting for this anymore. In fact, we have given up the hope of being parents completely for we don’t want to complicate things more and here we are now, about to be parents. Actually, I really don’t know what to feel. On the other hand, my wife is a bit negative about this and I can’t blame her for feeling that way especially when I also know that risks and that this pregnancy might cause her. Her life is at stake here. It’s like her feet are almost six feet underground already and all that we can do is pray for things to go on smoothly.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked then pulled her closer to me.

She rested her head on my shoulder then sighed “I feel crap” she answered, making me chuckle.

“What kind? Bad crap? Slightly crappy or Major Crap?” I played.

Billie looked at me then chuckled “Extremely crappy” she answered and it alarmed me.

I sighed heavily and just stared at her “I feel extremely crappy….I’m like a puking machine for I keep on throwing up….my nose is super sensitive…I feel like a hound coz I can smell everything and it’s making me sick…and then….here comes my freakin Leukemia….it’s doubling up my load then my mind can’t stop from running….I keep on thinking about this pregnan….”

I stopped her from talking by kissing her “Don’t think about it that much” I told her “I know that it’s so impossible…but not thinking about it is much better than wrecking your brain up….look….” I cupped her face then smiled “Tomorrow…we’ll go to the doctor to clear things up and know the real deal of your pregnancy…then we’ll get it from there….we’ll plan our next move according to his findings and whatever it is that he will say”

To be honest, both of us are afraid to go to the doctor for we have a feeling that he will tell us to give up the baby. Well, it is possible because women who have Leukemia or any other type of cancer is not allowed to get pregnant for they are receiving intensive treatments that is bad for the baby. Not only that, their survival becomes slim as well once they give birth.

“Jiyong” she looked deep into my eyes “What will we do if the doctor tells us that we’ve got no choice but to abort the baby?”

I can see pain in her eyes. This question really shook my whole being for I know that my wife will be shattered once that happens.

I shook my head then hugged her tighter “That won’t happen….trust me….it won’t” I told her and she shook her head.

“No Jiyong….that can happen….c’mon…let’s not fool ourselves anymore….this pregnancy is a total risk…it can make or break things…the game that we’re playing has changed and I feel so bad for our baby because it has to play with us….his/her life is in danger as well and it’s heartbreaking” this is how negative she is with her pregnancy and it’s breaking me too because I’m trying my hardest to be positive and hearing her say these things is dragging me down to negativity as well.

“Kenken….please” I sat up then looked at her intently “Stop being so negative….it’s just getting the best out of you and I’m being dragged too….as I’ve said a while ago… we will fight for this….that baby will live and that goes with you too”

My head is spinning because of thinking too much that all I want is to rest it for a while. And because of that, I walked out of our room to breathe some air and somewhat relax my mind.

I want to talk to someone who can support me with this fight, but I have this strange feeling that nobody will be as positive as me in this, most especially when they know that Billie’s life and the baby’s as well is at risk.

So I spent the night alone in the living room with only my clouded mind as company. I know that I shouldn’t be leaving my wife alone, but I just can’t face her yet. I don’t want her to see me breaking down as well. I want to show her the strong side of me, not the weak side that is now enveloping my whole being. If there’s one person who needs to be strong for her, it’s me and I will do everything to change her perspective in this pregnancy.

Morning came and I woke up with swollen and bloodshot eyes. I cried myself to sleep last night and it’s really a drag for I have to deal with fish eyes today. Oh well, this just means that I will be having my sunglasses as my best friend.

*loud noises*

I jerked up upon hearing a noise.

“Billie” I told myself then ran to our room.

This is really nerve-wracking. I hope she didn’t faint or something. I should’ve not left her last night.

“Kenken!” I called in panic.

Our bed is empty. The duvet is on the floor as well as some of the bottles of perfume. What is going on?

“Kenken!” I called again and heard the toilet flush.

The moment I heard that, I dashed to the bathroom to see how she’s doing. When I opened the door, my dear wife is slumped in front of the toilet bowl.

I came to her right away and she smiled at me “This is nothing…go out first….you don’t have to see this” she said and I shook my head for I don’t know how many times.

“What is going on? What are you feeling? I’ll bring you to the doctor now” I was about to scoop her up already but she stopped me.

Billie wiped with a towel then laughed “Jiyong…this is part of being pregnant….I’ve been experiencing this for a week already…this is called morning sickness” she explained and it made me sigh in relief.

“Aish! Why