My mind is being wrecked together with heart and I hate every second of it. If only I can do something to get out of here, I already did without thinking twice. I’m willing to ditch this job just to have some peace in me again. This isn’t expected at all. I’m not prepared for this.

“I swear Bubu….I think…my magic eight ball is some kind of psychic” I told her randomly while arranging the set for the next round of shoot.

She looked at me weirdly “What the heck! Haven’t you gotten over that thing yet?”

I sighed heavily “Why would I get over it when its answers are all coming true?”

Maybe it’s just coincidence or something. But still, that ball’s answers are just so freakishly true. I asked if my day will be crappy and it answered yes, which is so true because I’m now in the middle of crap and all I want is for this to end already. I also asked the ball if I’m gonna bump into “superstar” today. At first the ball made me concentrate which I obeyed and when I asked again, it answered me yes and now, here I am, in one place with him and I’m about to lose my mind already.

“Kenken…I swear….you should loosen up…I mean….the second set is about to start now and you’re still so uptight” Bunny said while we’re waiting for Big Bang be ready for another round of shoot.

“Tell me….how can I loosen up if I just told them my real identity?” I asked and she rolled her eyes.

“You just told them your real name but the school that you said is different….why do you have to lie in the first place?” she asked curiously.

Awhile ago, TOP randomly asked what school I graduated at in Middle School and I lied by telling him a different school name. But what made it weird is that, they look so shocked after hearing my answer which is up till now is a big question to me. Why do I have a feeling that they know who the old Kenken is? Did G-dragon told them about the playing that he did to that little girl? No. This is just so impossible coz I don’t even think that he remembers me at all.

The second set is the members’ solo shots and as much as possible, I’m not involving myself to any of the work like holding the flash metering or reflector coz I really don’t want to come near the boys.

“Billie” Sajangnim called.

I went to him immediately with a forced smile on my face “Can you hold the reflector for me?” he asked and because he’s my boss, I don’t have a choice but to obey him.

“Sure” I answered but if you’re gonna dig deep in me, I’m not cool with this.

“Alright! Who’s next?” he called out.

“I am”

Great! This is just so freakin great! I think I’m being played here coz no matter how I distance myself to him, something or someone will bring us together or closer to each other. It’s just so weird and at the same time awkward not only for me but for him as well. I’m used to the awkwardness for I was able to last two hours with him barely talking, but it’s all different now.

This is so strange. Why are s watching him shoot when none of them are even here awhile ago? They all have wide smiles on their faces like they’re so happy for their leader or something.

“Hey” he shocked me.

“Hi!” I awkwardly waved my hand at him then smiled.

Can I just disappear in thin air? I swear, my heart is about to break out of my chest and my mind is as twisted like twister fries. Oh it! This has to end already.

And with a reflector in hand, I did what I have to do. I am all over him during the shoot. I follow the light and is sitting on the floor or standing beside him. His eyes are glistening and at some point, I found myself staring at him. Good thing, he’s so busy posing for the camera that he didn’t even notice it.

“Gosh” I said while fanning myself with my hand.

I don’t know why I’m sweating badly. I swear. I’ve got sweat on my forehead, on my neck, on my back and other parts of my body when all I did is stand or sit. I moved around but the studio is so cold to even sweat. I guess this is my nerves telling me how it’s freaking out.

“Here” he handed me a handkerchief after his set, shocking the hell out of me.

I shook my head “No…it’s all cool” I told him with the same awkward smile that I’ve been sporting for hours now.

He chuckled “It’s all cool but you’re sweating a lot…that’s pretty odd”

In all fairness to him, the way he talks to me is so natural. It’s like we’re in the café again, talking about whatever comes to mind. Thing is, I’m extremely awkward right now that I don’t even know if I look natural to him.

“uhmmm….it must be the lights….it’s really hot you know” I reasoned out and he just stared at me.

“We’re done now Jiyong!” Sajangnim called out all of a sudden, making the both of us flinch in surprise.

Why is it every time he looks at me I feel like I’m being drowned in a pool of emotions and love is the most dominant one? I don’t know why, but he’s the only man that can look straight into me for a long time and makes me feel like he doesn’t want to break at all.

“You just had your moment there Kenken” Bunny said when I reached her.

I smirked “Whatever” I said while wiping the sweat on my forehead with the sleeves of my cardigan.

“Admit it….you were totally stoned while he’s looking at you straight in the eyes” this is really out of control already.

“Bubu…please…drop it….can’t you see? I’m struggling here already and you’re not helping” I told her.

She smirked “You know Kenken…you’re the only one who’s making this a big thing….look….there’s nothing to be nervous or freaked about….coz first of all…he doesn’t even give a damn on you….he’s in fact…being friendly…second….I don’t think that he can still remember you….no…let me correct that….I don’t think that he can still remember Kenken….I guess he’s shocked to see …the Billie that rescued him weeks ago…seriously…you need to shake off your wild nerves coz it’s totally affecting you big time…we’re working and this is our first day…so…keep your up!”

Bunny is right. I really need to shake off my nerves and keep my up coz there’s nothing to think or worry about at all. I’m always professional and I cannot believe that I’m being messed up by a guy. I’m never like this. My focus on things is really good and only G-dragon can shake my whole being up which is totally crazy.

“Hi” Taeyang said upon seeing me sitting in one corner.

I gave him a shy smile “Hello”

“Can I sit with you?” he asked while pointing at the empty chair beside me.

“Sure!” I said and offered the seat to him.

When I thought that I got my much needed solo time already, here comes Taeyang, making me awkward once again. I must say, he’s really one heck of a body and to all fan girls out there, he smells so good too. He got that musky masculine smell that every woman loves.

Actually, all of them smell so damn good. TOP and G-dragon have a mix of cigarette scent on them but it’s what’s making them y.

“Did you know that this is the second time that we saw each other?” Taeyang asked all of a sudden.

“Oh! What was it again?” I asked coz I didn’t really hear him clearly.

He faced me fully with a smile on his face. His eyes are really cute coz they smile together with his lips “This is the second time that we saw each other” he repeated.

I chuckled then gave a nod “Yes….the first time was really tragic” I told him and he laughed so loud.

“It sure is….so….how’s your mother?”

Ow! Yeah. It seems like I lied to Big Bang twice already coz the first time that I met them, I told them that my mother was rushed in the hospital which is totally false coz she’s perfectly bumming around in the house during that time. Oh well, I just did what I have to do and that is to lie just to get out of trouble coz if I didn’t I’m sure that another police record is under my wings again.

“Ahh…yeah…..my Mum” I said then took a deep breath “She’s fine….she’s all good now” I answered then sighed.

He gave a few nods “Good to know that”

“Yeah” I said awkwardly.

I swear, this is really nerve wracking for I’m not ready to have a talk to any of the boys coz I feel like they know something about me coz they all look so curious whenever they look at me.

“By any chance….have you met Jiyong before already?” this question sent shivers down my spine.

I looked at him, trying to read whatever is running in his head “hmmm…I already did” I answered unsurely “Why did you ask?” I asked.

He chuckled “You’re the girl who rescued him weeks ago….when he was mobbed by some fans on the street”

I didn’t know that these idols use to gossip as well. It’s shocking to know that Taeyang knows about that wonderful night. Wait. Did I just say wonderful? Oh shoot me!

“Ow! That! Yeah!” I pretend like I just remembered it.

“Did you know that when he told us what happened…we’re a bit worried for him coz he went with a stranger but it seems like you’re no stranger at all to him” he said, wrecking my brain out.

 “It seems like you’re no stranger at all to him” If I’m going to read between the lines, there’s a different meaning to this. I don’t know, but this is making me really nervous and at the same time, it’s eating my brain up.

“I’m a good stranger….I’m no psycho…so there’s nothing to worry about” I joked, making him laugh.

“I know….actually…I believe Jiyong now….you look so angelic”

This made my wiggle and my cheeks burn. I swear, what he just said is so damn unexpe